How do I find decent UMC guys to date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you were hot and very desirable, the guys would find you.

I’m from ny and went to school in Boston. I met guys everywhere - standing outside, grocery store, bars, elevators, work, friends of friends, etc.

I met my DH at a conference I attended. He didn’t actually attend the conference. He was just meeting an old friend.

I missed the whole dating app scene. I can’t help but think that good old fashioned meeting in real life is better.

I have 3 kids. Youngest is a girl. She knows so many boys already. I was just telling DH she will have so many good dating/marrying options.

Weird post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you were hot and very desirable, the guys would find you.

I’m from ny and went to school in Boston. I met guys everywhere - standing outside, grocery store, bars, elevators, work, friends of friends, etc.

I met my DH at a conference I attended. He didn’t actually attend the conference. He was just meeting an old friend.

I missed the whole dating app scene. I can’t help but think that good old fashioned meeting in real life is better.

I have 3 kids. Youngest is a girl. She knows so many boys already. I was just telling DH she will have so many good dating/marrying options.

Weird post.

+1

Especially because things have changed so much since whenever this was. The dating world is very different now

[Anonymous]

I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

This is really good, actionable advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fwiw, I’m 33 and have been dating tons of UMC guys from apps. Mostly above 5’9 and attractive. I haven’t had any hookups yet. What do your profile pictures look like?

How much do you make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I dont know either. I'm a very attractive woman, early 30s, hang out in upscale places, live in an upscale building, and I have a super hard time meeting eligible men. I think p*rn and video games have done a number on men and so many young guys are just... losers.

I'm gonna date for a few more years and possible find a sp**m donor, or else pick up some hot young guy and make him into a househusband, lol. It's not ideal but it is what it is. If you look at the statistics you can see birth rates are plummeting, marriage rates are falling, etc. Men arent going to college or getting jobs.

So either you get lucky and find a man youre compatible with or I guess you do things alone. I'm also open to dating men from other cultures (specifically european or east asian, because that's what I'm attracted to) who seem much more marriage minded.

it's mostly a waste of time in the USA, and I think you see higher numbers of male virgins and incels than ever before. It's just a disaster for men out there.

So I think a lot more women will just raise kids on their own. Theyve been doing it in the black community for a long time. I think that will start spreading across all demographics, and oh well. It's really not that awful when you think about it. I'm mentally and financially prepared to have and raise kids if that's what happens. C'est la vie!

So much to work with here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I dont know either. I'm a very attractive woman, early 30s, hang out in upscale places, live in an upscale building, and I have a super hard time meeting eligible men. I think p*rn and video games have done a number on men and so many young guys are just... losers.

I'm gonna date for a few more years and possible find a sp**m donor, or else pick up some hot young guy and make him into a househusband, lol. It's not ideal but it is what it is. If you look at the statistics you can see birth rates are plummeting, marriage rates are falling, etc. Men arent going to college or getting jobs.

So either you get lucky and find a man youre compatible with or I guess you do things alone. I'm also open to dating men from other cultures (specifically european or east asian, because that's what I'm attracted to) who seem much more marriage minded.

it's mostly a waste of time in the USA, and I think you see higher numbers of male virgins and incels than ever before. It's just a disaster for men out there.

So I think a lot more women will just raise kids on their own. Theyve been doing it in the black community for a long time. I think that will start spreading across all demographics, and oh well. It's really not that awful when you think about it. I'm mentally and financially prepared to have and raise kids if that's what happens. C'est la vie!

So much to work with here.

Yep. PP you have plenty of potential and desirable qualities. Honestly, I think many women in this thread do. Don’t let yourself get panicked or on edge about time. It will all work out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends.

Not all of them are. A lot are, but some aren’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Ok...but that ship has sailed for OP.

What do you do to meet them once you are over 30

[Anonymous]

Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

[Anonymous]

I met mine at kickball. We had a mutual friend group that were all bartenders and asked us to fill out the roster (we were UMC professionals). Realized pretty quickly we had more in common with one another and started meeting for a drink or coffee during the week. Didn’t start dating until 3 seasons later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Work out, eat well, look your best all the time. Don’t ever look frumpy when you are out. You never know who you will meet.

You probably don’t look much different at 31 from 27 or 28. I would meet new people and go out all the time.

My friend got divorced at 35 and remarried at 39. She hung out with new youbger friends who went out all the time. They had tons of guys around all the time. All my friend’s previous friends were settle down, married with kids.

Great advice.

I agree. Also, don’t have your phone out at all times. It makes you unapproachable. Start small talk with guys you are attracted to when out. It doesn’t need to be a conversation, but eye contact, a smile and a quick comment or light question is all it should take if a guy is also single and interested. They will pick up from there.

Man here, this is really important advice. When I was single, I was not shy about approaching attractive women but I didn't want to annoy them so if they looked preoccupied or busy I left them alone. Eye contact was pretty much the universal invitation.

I would make dating your number 1 priority now, there are still good men out there and it really gets bleak in a few years

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh God. The insane "high value" nut found this threat.

“High value” is a common phrase used by women nowadays. Women know exactly what it means, it’s not an unusual term, even if you may be out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m AA woman who grew up MC, educated my way into the UMC and married an UMC black man. Pretty much the impossible, especially compared to my white girlfriends. If you’ve seen the news in the last 20 years, you’ll know we have a ratio problem that many black men take advantage of. So, my perspective, as someone who had real uphill battle on the marriage front more generally: The easiest way to meet these men is to be their peers from 18-28 (school, very early career) and to start seriously dating for marriage at mid your mid 20s at the latest. Education is key - not because men care about it, but it’s an easy (albeit unfair) screening device for intelligence level, work ethic, and similar life outlook. Those men are usually out the dating pool by 28/29 and married by 31-32.

I’m going to guess that the men that you’re trying to marry perhaps were NOT your peers in your 20s, which is why you’re struggling to meet them now. If I were you, I would pivot to men with good, but not amazing careers, who will make good husbands and fathers. And perhaps you can be the primary breadwinner to get the lifestyle you want. That would seem far preferable to me than the other outcome - you never find a partner.

Those guys are married. Nice guys (as in actual nice guys, not 'nice guys') who are decent looking and have good educations and want families are already married. As much as I always thought the admissions tour pitch about marrying the first person you kiss on this bridge or walking with your future spouse on that path, so many of the men I know who fit PP's description are married to college girlfriends.

Yes, most guys I know who fit thar description that have stable but non exciting jobs are married to college and even high school girlfriends. Or girlfriends they met right after college.