Christmas travel-leaving 2 year old home while whole family goes to Caribbean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I left my three year old with family for two weeks Pre pandemic. Would not now in case of travel snafus. Also 1:1 fir an entire week is asking a heck of a lot of your nanny. If you do this she will need someone to assist for breaks. She’s a human being too.

This! Leaving your nanny solo with a SN kid for a week straight - on Christmas - seems like a lot to ask. You are clearly going to do this anyway despite what anyone says here, so I just hope you are paying your nanny exceedingly well.

I just really cannot imagine leaving my 2 yr old like this for the beach. Not saying you can't get a break. I'd get it if it were solo travel or with friends and DH was home or a weekend getaway with DH. But the whole family leaving an SN kid for a week, during the holidays, during a pandemic, with one person who has no support . . . I don't get how anyone decides to do this.

[Anonymous]

I would do a trip (even for a week) abroad without my 2yo, but not during Christmas (and not if I was bringing my other hypothetical child) and I would leave her with family, not nanny.

Bring your nanny and try to have the 2yo sit between the two of you. You can take turns holding the mask on his face if you have to. Can you distract him with screens? Honestly also ask your ped about Benadryl.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL Sounds like you don't like your 2-year-old very much. Who even contemplates taking their entire family but one child and abandoning them for a week at Christmas?

I agree. Terrible idea. Sad really.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What the actual F op. Say kid is 23.5 months (flight attendants don’t know) and obviously take him or don’t go. I’m sorry this post wins an award for worst parenting worst person ever.

THIS!

OP said earlier that the 2yo is large for his age and looks like a 4 yo.

It's also not going to work because because I've flown both Southwest and JetBlue recently with kids and both of those airlines were asking the parents of young kids for proof of age. The airlines are NOT playing around with the mask rules. I think OP needs to cancel.

Frequent United flyer here with a large 2yo who just turned 2. We haven't flown yet since the 24mo mark, but they believed us without proof when we (honestly) said she was 22-23 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So many comments. Thanks for the replies.

Not sure what to clarify at this point that I haven’t already said.

My hesitation in leaving him is primarily because it’s a long time to be away from him and I am unsure how I will do with it and how he will do with it. I worry I worry 2 yo will really struggle without his brother. I could see it all being fine though-I’ll miss him for sure and feel guilty for sure. Those things go without saying. I don’t see them as reasons not to go.

DH and my mom have no reservations about this plan and we formulated it together. DH is insisting on it. Any scenario in which anyone suffers lifelong emotional impact from this decision seems so remote that I am not concerned about it.

My sons condition is permanent and incurable. He has had seizures with our nanny. She was a nurse in her home country and has been with us at many of the medical appointments. We take seizure meds and have rescue meds for prolonged seizures, if he had to go to the hospital it would be better he be in our home city with the medical team we have here. He’s been seizure free for nearly 3 months though and it’s very unlikely that anything catastrophic will happen.

Your 5 yo deserves more than being someone his brother looks up to. He deserves a normal vacation and time with his parents.
Masks aren’t going anywhere, not in the current climate, not until 2023 or so.

I'm sure the 5 year old would prefer to have Christmas with his brother. Let's be real here, the Caribbean is for the parents.

This thread should have been posted on the SN board. The vast majority of you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. I have a child with severe emotional/behavioral problems. Siblings never get enough parent time and attention and they miss out on so so so much in life due to their brother's issues. You have NO clue. My kids would feel relief and joy if they got to ever take a trip with both parents and without difficult sibling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So many comments. Thanks for the replies.

Not sure what to clarify at this point that I haven’t already said.

My hesitation in leaving him is primarily because it’s a long time to be away from him and I am unsure how I will do with it and how he will do with it. I worry I worry 2 yo will really struggle without his brother. I could see it all being fine though-I’ll miss him for sure and feel guilty for sure. Those things go without saying. I don’t see them as reasons not to go.

DH and my mom have no reservations about this plan and we formulated it together. DH is insisting on it. Any scenario in which anyone suffers lifelong emotional impact from this decision seems so remote that I am not concerned about it.

My sons condition is permanent and incurable. He has had seizures with our nanny. She was a nurse in her home country and has been with us at many of the medical appointments. We take seizure meds and have rescue meds for prolonged seizures, if he had to go to the hospital it would be better he be in our home city with the medical team we have here. He’s been seizure free for nearly 3 months though and it’s very unlikely that anything catastrophic will happen.

Your 5 yo deserves more than being someone his brother looks up to. He deserves a normal vacation and time with his parents.
Masks aren’t going anywhere, not in the current climate, not until 2023 or so.

I'm sure the 5 year old would prefer to have Christmas with his brother. Let's be real here, the Caribbean is for the parents.

This thread should have been posted on the SN board. The vast majority of you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. I have a child with severe emotional/behavioral problems. Siblings never get enough parent time and attention and they miss out on so so so much in life due to their brother's issues. You have NO clue. My kids would feel relief and joy if they got to ever take a trip with both parents and without difficult sibling.

This is what I was trying to say all along! I don’t have an SN child but it’s clear as day to anyone with a brain.
Posters are suggesting to basically make the whole family hostage to the one kid who can’t not tantrum (not his fault of course but it’s totally fine to leave them home once in a blue Moon)

[Anonymous]

There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

That's what I keep asking and feel that OP is eliding. The nanny is already the primary caregiver, but a week with zero breaks, during a period of time when both the weather and seasonal closures would make it hard to get out of the house, just sounds absolutely grueling.

[Anonymous]

I would cancel I’m not judging you if you went.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to leave him. He has no idea what Christmas is at two and will not remember this.

The five yo probably will not remember either. Generally, your only memories stretching that far back are the ones with very strong emotion attached (usually fear).

Ok…this may very well have strong emotion attached for the 5yo who may feel that his parents abandoned his younger brother. People underestimate kids’ capacity for feeling and remembering. If 5yo is a sensitive, observant child he will certainly notice and this will likely have an impact on him.

Celebrate Christmas early then with both kids. Make a big production of it then go. The 5 yo will not know the date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

Maybe it’s a matter of how much she gets paid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You yourself said in your original post that it felt heartless to leave your two-year-old at home on a family vacation during Christmas. I would go back and reread that sentence as many times as you need. You said it yourself and almost everybody here agrees after 10+ pages. That rarely happens on DCUM.

You are very much entitled to a break from caring for a child with special needs, but that can be arranged in your own home country and maybe on a couples trip or a girls trip or a special trip just with one child that does not happen during a pandemic, during Christmas, and outside the borders of your own country where you could be separated for weeks or longer for COVID or other reasons, away from your SN baby.

I would cancel, and, to be blunt, if you truly cannot have any part of this trip reimbursed (no travel insurance during a pandemic?), and you cannot afford to do another trip another time that includes your younger child then so be it. Any of the potential scenarios other than canceling are bound to cause unrest, guilt and resentment. You may have some moments of fun, but are you truly going to be able to relax, unwind and enjoy yourself on a family vacation that doesn’t include one of your own children who was dumped at home because he’s inconvenient to travel with? That is an awful lot of bad juju to put into the universe. What a terrible way to celebrate the holidays and go into a new year.

no need to cancel. one parent goes with baby, one stays home with toddler.

I’m also surprised OP thinks it’s ok to leave the nanny for a full week with no respite to care for a toddler. that’s hard even for a toddler w/o special needs who tantrums, has language delays.

Since when is a five year old a toddler? Or a two year old a baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

Maybe it’s a matter of how much she gets paid?

Op here. Her DH and two kids will be gone for 2.5 weeks over Christmas. They are going to her DH’s home country for a wedding and for her kids to meet his family for the first time, and our nanny was unable to get a visa. She’s very sad about it and I think having the chance to make some money and not be entirely alone over Christmas is something she’s happy about.

I’ll touch base with her again about whether she’s sure this is ok with her and if she wants me to arrange a back up person to give her breaks. Historically, she has not wanted this when we’ve gone away, but it’s never been for this long before.

I’d be miserable alone with a toddler for a week but she handles DS better than anyone and he behaves the best for her. I know it’s surprising but for some people (the sort of people who become nannies) a week alone with a toddler isn’t a huge deal.

I’ll touch base with her again to see what she thinks about this trip and if she’s really comfortable. She’s been in our lives for more than 5 years and I believe if this did not work for her she would tell me, but I’ll talk with her about it again (and probably several more times leading up to the trip).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no way the Nanny wants to do this.

Maybe it’s a matter of how much she gets paid?

Op here. Her DH and two kids will be gone for 2.5 weeks over Christmas. They are going to her DH’s home country for a wedding and for her kids to meet his family for the first time, and our nanny was unable to get a visa. She’s very sad about it and I think having the chance to make some money and not be entirely alone over Christmas is something she’s happy about.

I’ll touch base with her again about whether she’s sure this is ok with her and if she wants me to arrange a back up person to give her breaks. Historically, she has not wanted this when we’ve gone away, but it’s never been for this long before.

I’d be miserable alone with a toddler for a week but she handles DS better than anyone and he behaves the best for her. I know it’s surprising but for some people (the sort of people who become nannies) a week alone with a toddler isn’t a huge deal.

I’ll touch base with her again to see what she thinks about this trip and if she’s really comfortable. She’s been in our lives for more than 5 years and I believe if this did not work for her she would tell me, but I’ll talk with her about it again (and probably several more times leading up to the trip).

Agree. My mother (peds nurse and former preschool teacher) is like this. She is not drained or stressed by children the way I am!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So many comments. Thanks for the replies.

Not sure what to clarify at this point that I haven’t already said.

My hesitation in leaving him is primarily because it’s a long time to be away from him and I am unsure how I will do with it and how he will do with it. I worry I worry 2 yo will really struggle without his brother. I could see it all being fine though-I’ll miss him for sure and feel guilty for sure. Those things go without saying. I don’t see them as reasons not to go.

DH and my mom have no reservations about this plan and we formulated it together. DH is insisting on it. Any scenario in which anyone suffers lifelong emotional impact from this decision seems so remote that I am not concerned about it.

My sons condition is permanent and incurable. He has had seizures with our nanny. She was a nurse in her home country and has been with us at many of the medical appointments. We take seizure meds and have rescue meds for prolonged seizures, if he had to go to the hospital it would be better he be in our home city with the medical team we have here. He’s been seizure free for nearly 3 months though and it’s very unlikely that anything catastrophic will happen.

Your 5 yo deserves more than being someone his brother looks up to. He deserves a normal vacation and time with his parents.
Masks aren’t going anywhere, not in the current climate, not until 2023 or so.

I'm sure the 5 year old would prefer to have Christmas with his brother. Let's be real here, the Caribbean is for the parents.

This thread should have been posted on the SN board. The vast majority of you have NO IDEA what you are talking about. I have a child with severe emotional/behavioral problems. Siblings never get enough parent time and attention and they miss out on so so so much in life due to their brother's issues. You have NO clue. My kids would feel relief and joy if they got to ever take a trip with both parents and without difficult sibling.

No mention of severe behavioral issues. Sounds like more projection. Even if what you're saying is true, no need to abandon kid for a Caribbean vacation for the elder to get more parent time.

My 4 year old would be devastated if we left his 2 year old sister for a week.