Christmas travel-leaving 2 year old home while whole family goes to Caribbean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. This doesn’t sound awful to me, OP. Maybe I’m heartless, too. The 2 year old doesn’t know it’s Christmas, the nanny is qualified, the chances of something extreme happening are so remote. Celebrate family Christmas before or after your trip.

Kid years later sees pictures and realizes they were left home. If you are going to treat one differently don’t have that kid or adoption so the kid can have a family who wants them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m some kind of helicopter parent or something because it would never even occur to me to leave my 2 year old out of a week long family vacation. Like what even is this question? Of course you should not do that.

There was a post a year or two ago where Op wanted to leave her 2 yr old with (semi)hands-on grandparents while she and her older kids could more easily travel and enjoy a trip back to her country or vacation or beach or something of the sort. She didn't want to be bogged down with the nap schedules, feeling limited, doing activities with the older kids, etc.

The OP of that thread was going for 3 weeks, and leaving her child with two different sets of grandparents and daycare. This was also pre-pandemic and her child was under 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m some kind of helicopter parent or something because it would never even occur to me to leave my 2 year old out of a week long family vacation. Like what even is this question? Of course you should not do that.

There was a post a year or two ago where Op wanted to leave her 2 yr old with (semi)hands-on grandparents while she and her older kids could more easily travel and enjoy a trip back to her country or vacation or beach or something of the sort. She didn't want to be bogged down with the nap schedules, feeling limited, doing activities with the older kids, etc.

The OP of that thread was going for 3 weeks, and leaving her child with two different sets of grandparents and daycare. This was also pre-pandemic and her child was under 2.

I can’t believe there are multiple families who consider doing this. I mean I have young children, I get that the logistics of traveling with them suck sometimes. But that’s just part of having kids right? Like if you didn’t want to be bogged down with kid logistics why did you have them?

Just plans trips that will work for all family members, it’s not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It honestly sounds like the mask issue on the plane is not the problem but that he’s difficult to take care of in general and you don’t really want to bring him. If you really need a break, leave him but have 1-2 back ups back home in case something goes wrong with the nanny.

Sometimes parents of special needs kids need a break and that’s OK. I would strongly suggest celebrating Christmas early or when you get back. It could be emotionally damaging for your 5 year old to see his little brother abandoned on Christmas. The two year old won’t understand but the five year old will.

+1. Social worker turned banker here. I’ve worked with developmentally delayed kids and they tend to know a lot more than you think. All of you on the trip may feel relief, but you will also feel guilt and abandonment.

[Anonymous]

Question: OP, you’ve said that each parent has taken trips, but have the two siblings ever been separated for a period of time like this?

[Anonymous]

You yourself said in your original post that it felt heartless to leave your two-year-old at home on a family vacation during Christmas. I would go back and reread that sentence as many times as you need. You said it yourself and almost everybody here agrees after 10+ pages. That rarely happens on DCUM.

You are very much entitled to a break from caring for a child with special needs, but that can be arranged in your own home country and maybe on a couples trip or a girls trip or a special trip just with one child that does not happen during a pandemic, during Christmas, and outside the borders of your own country where you could be separated for weeks or longer for COVID or other reasons, away from your SN baby.

I would cancel, and, to be blunt, if you truly cannot have any part of this trip reimbursed (no travel insurance during a pandemic?), and you cannot afford to do another trip another time that includes your younger child then so be it. Any of the potential scenarios other than canceling are bound to cause unrest, guilt and resentment. You may have some moments of fun, but are you truly going to be able to relax, unwind and enjoy yourself on a family vacation that doesn’t include one of your own children who was dumped at home because he’s inconvenient to travel with? That is an awful lot of bad juju to put into the universe. What a terrible way to celebrate the holidays and go into a new year.

[Anonymous]

You should be with YOUR 2 year old. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you can stay with the youngest and send the oldest with dad and grandpa?

This or cancel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You yourself said in your original post that it felt heartless to leave your two-year-old at home on a family vacation during Christmas. I would go back and reread that sentence as many times as you need. You said it yourself and almost everybody here agrees after 10+ pages. That rarely happens on DCUM.

You are very much entitled to a break from caring for a child with special needs, but that can be arranged in your own home country and maybe on a couples trip or a girls trip or a special trip just with one child that does not happen during a pandemic, during Christmas, and outside the borders of your own country where you could be separated for weeks or longer for COVID or other reasons, away from your SN baby.

I would cancel, and, to be blunt, if you truly cannot have any part of this trip reimbursed (no travel insurance during a pandemic?), and you cannot afford to do another trip another time that includes your younger child then so be it. Any of the potential scenarios other than canceling are bound to cause unrest, guilt and resentment. You may have some moments of fun, but are you truly going to be able to relax, unwind and enjoy yourself on a family vacation that doesn’t include one of your own children who was dumped at home because he’s inconvenient to travel with? That is an awful lot of bad juju to put into the universe. What a terrible way to celebrate the holidays and go into a new year.

no need to cancel. one parent goes with baby, one stays home with toddler.

I’m also surprised OP thinks it’s ok to leave the nanny for a full week with no respite to care for a toddler. that’s hard even for a toddler w/o special needs who tantrums, has language delays.

[Anonymous]

I left my three year old with family for two weeks Pre pandemic. Would not now in case of travel snafus. Also 1:1 fir an entire week is asking a heck of a lot of your nanny. If you do this she will need someone to assist for breaks. She’s a human being too.

[Anonymous]

I may be too late to weigh in, but I would not leave the 2 year old behind and I don’t even celebrate Christmas, haha. I just wouldn’t leave him behind on a week long family vacation where his sibling is going, period.

Assuming you can work it out financially, I would

- cancel the trip, and use the money to rebook a house in Hilton Head for the week, and bring your mom AND I’d offer to bring the nanny since she’ll be alone that week, too. (I’d work it out where it is a combo of working and time for herself, it is win win for both of you- and before anyone asks, I always paid our nanny when we were on vacation so that’s a nonstarter).

- if you can’t cancel, I’d see if I could rebook it for a week in Jan and I’d go just spouse and me and see if mom/nanny can watch the kids that week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe I’m some kind of helicopter parent or something because it would never even occur to me to leave my 2 year old out of a week long family vacation. Like what even is this question? Of course you should not do that.

There was a post a year or two ago where Op wanted to leave her 2 yr old with (semi)hands-on grandparents while she and her older kids could more easily travel and enjoy a trip back to her country or vacation or beach or something of the sort. She didn't want to be bogged down with the nap schedules, feeling limited, doing activities with the older kids, etc.

The OP of that thread was going for 3 weeks, and leaving her child with two different sets of grandparents and daycare. This was also pre-pandemic and her child was under 2.

I can’t believe there are multiple families who consider doing this. I mean I have young children, I get that the logistics of traveling with them suck sometimes. But that’s just part of having kids right? Like if you didn’t want to be bogged down with kid logistics why did you have them?

Just plans trips that will work for all family members, it’s not that hard.

Agree!

OR bring along the nanny for an extra set of hands for traveling and vacation activities.

[Anonymous]

This is such a bad idea I can’t believe it’s even a question.
So many potential problems:
-your 2 yo has a medical emergency while you’re gone. Even if your nanny knows how to handle it and he gets good medical care, don’t you want to be there for him if that happens?
-your nanny has an emergency making it difficult or impossible for her to care for your 2yo
-the rest of your family/the travelers get Covid and have to quarantine separating you for weeks

Then there’s the emotional aspect of it. I understand you and your spouse and older child could use a break but your 2yo is part of your family. I’d like a break from my kids too but would I abandon one of them while the rest of the family goes on vacation (in a foreign country, on Christmas, no less) to get that break? No way. Sure, logistically it’s easier w/o your 2yo but that is truly heartless to leave him.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine to leave him. He has no idea what Christmas is at two and will not remember this.

The five yo probably will not remember either. Generally, your only memories stretching that far back are the ones with very strong emotion attached (usually fear).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s fine to leave him. He has no idea what Christmas is at two and will not remember this.

The five yo probably will not remember either. Generally, your only memories stretching that far back are the ones with very strong emotion attached (usually fear).

Ok…this may very well have strong emotion attached for the 5yo who may feel that his parents abandoned his younger brother. People underestimate kids’ capacity for feeling and remembering. If 5yo is a sensitive, observant child he will certainly notice and this will likely have an impact on him.