Dating single dad, should I just assume we won't be having sex much?

[Anonymous]

Why can’t grandma babysit at night? Has he not told his kids that he needs some time to hang out with his friends? Agreed with PPs - if he wanted to he could make the time. Or why aren’t you meeting up at your place? Mid-day sex can be great!!

[Anonymous]

How long has he been widowed and how old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

Op here. Wow! Some of you are super judgmental. Why am I dating him? WTF?. I'm dating him for the reasons most people date someone, He's a nice guy, I'm attracted to him. I enjoy spending time with him. I see him in my future etc.

Why we waited 3 months. # mont and exclusivity are my requirements for sex. It works for me and he didn't have a problem with it. We have been physical with each other, just no sex yet, and what we have shared so far has been enjoyable.

I have already said that he does not want to do overnights because he wants to be around to put his kids to bed. I also assume wake up with them in the morning, and I guess to be there if they get up during the night. I can't fault him for wanting that. I also don't think he needs to tell his kids anything about us yet.
He's been widowed for 3 years, his children are 3,7 and 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! Some of you are super judgmental. Why am I dating him? WTF?. I'm dating him for the reasons most people date someone, He's a nice guy, I'm attracted to him. I enjoy spending time with him. I see him in my future etc.

Why we waited 3 months. # mont and exclusivity are my requirements for sex. It works for me and he didn't have a problem with it. We have been physical with each other, just no sex yet, and what we have shared so far has been enjoyable.

I have already said that he does not want to do overnights because he wants to be around to put his kids to bed. I also assume wake up with them in the morning, and I guess to be there if they get up during the night. I can't fault him for wanting that. I also don't think he needs to tell his kids anything about us yet.
He's been widowed for 3 years, his children are 3,7 and 9.

Hi OP - only you know what’s ok with you or not and also what the vibe feels like between you. If you want a relationship with sex as a priority - you can have that maybe even with this guy if he wants that too. Right now, per your own rules, you could be having sex at lunch the 2-3x a week that you see him … why do you think that’s not happening?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated ( and later married) a widowed father with young kids.
As you said sex is quick for the most part, that's just life with kids, much easier now that we are living together. It was really hard when dating.
I did push for and get an overnight though the first time we were together. I was a virgin and I stressed to him that I needed him to be there after to cuddle, and I wanted to wake up next to him the next morning. I didn't want it to be a hurried affair. He made that happen.
So I think you have to communicate your wants and needs, but also be really flexible about what happens when you are together.

You were a virgin dating a single dad with three young kids? Weird.

Not that PP but what's weird about it? They clearly liked each other and ended up married. You people have so many arbitrary and silly "rules."

DP. Oh come on - that's very weird. She was dating a man who had been a father for at least 5 years (unless they were triplets) but she was a virgin.

Was it arranged? Did the community expect her to keep her chastity intact?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. We haven't had sex yet because we both agreed to wait until 3 months and being exclusive. We are a little over 3 months now.

I know he will not hire a babysitter or sleepover at my place because he's only comfortable with family babysitting and he likes to be around for his children's bedtime.

As of now, we have seen each other about twice a week. I'm thinking like in the future it's basically having to choose between having sex quick or going out somewhere? No long lingering evening and overnights, Correct?

Yup, it’ll be quick. Definitely no overnights.

Sounds like he’s a really good dad. That’s rare to find, most prioritize their d!cks over their kids.

You seem like a real catch too

[Anonymous]

IME men who want sex find a way to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated ( and later married) a widowed father with young kids.
As you said sex is quick for the most part, that's just life with kids, much easier now that we are living together. It was really hard when dating.
I did push for and get an overnight though the first time we were together. I was a virgin and I stressed to him that I needed him to be there after to cuddle, and I wanted to wake up next to him the next morning. I didn't want it to be a hurried affair. He made that happen.
So I think you have to communicate your wants and needs, but also be really flexible about what happens when you are together.

You were a virgin dating a single dad with three young kids? Weird.

Not that PP but what's weird about it? They clearly liked each other and ended up married. You people have so many arbitrary and silly "rules."

DP. Oh come on - that's very weird. She was dating a man who had been a father for at least 5 years (unless they were triplets) but she was a virgin.

Was it arranged? Did the community expect her to keep her chastity intact?

Why are you so bothered by who other people choose to date what other people chose to do with their genitals? How does this impact your life enough in any way for you to deem it weird? You are derailing this thread and also being a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated ( and later married) a widowed father with young kids.
As you said sex is quick for the most part, that's just life with kids, much easier now that we are living together. It was really hard when dating.
I did push for and get an overnight though the first time we were together. I was a virgin and I stressed to him that I needed him to be there after to cuddle, and I wanted to wake up next to him the next morning. I didn't want it to be a hurried affair. He made that happen.
So I think you have to communicate your wants and needs, but also be really flexible about what happens when you are together.

You were a virgin dating a single dad with three young kids? Weird.

Not that PP but what's weird about it? They clearly liked each other and ended up married. You people have so many arbitrary and silly "rules."

DP. Oh come on - that's very weird. She was dating a man who had been a father for at least 5 years (unless they were triplets) but she was a virgin.

Was it arranged? Did the community expect her to keep her chastity intact?

Or maybe she liked this man and he liked her and she hadn't had sex yet but wasn't necessarily waiting for marriage. Again, the weirdos are you creeps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! Some of you are super judgmental. Why am I dating him? WTF?. I'm dating him for the reasons most people date someone, He's a nice guy, I'm attracted to him. I enjoy spending time with him. I see him in my future etc.

Why we waited 3 months. # mont and exclusivity are my requirements for sex. It works for me and he didn't have a problem with it. We have been physical with each other, just no sex yet, and what we have shared so far has been enjoyable.

I have already said that he does not want to do overnights because he wants to be around to put his kids to bed. I also assume wake up with them in the morning, and I guess to be there if they get up during the night. I can't fault him for wanting that. I also don't think he needs to tell his kids anything about us yet.
He's been widowed for 3 years, his children are 3,7 and 9.

Hi OP - only you know what’s ok with you or not and also what the vibe feels like between you. If you want a relationship with sex as a priority - you can have that maybe even with this guy if he wants that too. Right now, per your own rules, you could be having sex at lunch the 2-3x a week that you see him … why do you think that’s not happening?

OP - I asked the question about why you are dating him and it wasn't judgmental - but genuinely curious. Your stated reasons aren't universal and could also include that you want to get married and/or have kids. Or could be just that you want to have fun in the here and now. I am dating now too - but post-divorce - and I have zero interest in getting re-married or even committing to anyone. I want to date to have someone fun to have dinner with and get busy with afterwards - and I am fine with that on a first date if there is great vibe!

The deeper question for you to ask yourself if what do you really want and whether you have enough info to determine if you are in the right relationship for that right now? If you are - great! But don't expect his time to open up or his libido to increase with 3 young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! Some of you are super judgmental. Why am I dating him? WTF?. I'm dating him for the reasons most people date someone, He's a nice guy, I'm attracted to him. I enjoy spending time with him. I see him in my future etc.

Why we waited 3 months. # mont and exclusivity are my requirements for sex. It works for me and he didn't have a problem with it. We have been physical with each other, just no sex yet, and what we have shared so far has been enjoyable.

I have already said that he does not want to do overnights because he wants to be around to put his kids to bed. I also assume wake up with them in the morning, and I guess to be there if they get up during the night. I can't fault him for wanting that. I also don't think he needs to tell his kids anything about us yet.
He's been widowed for 3 years, his children are 3,7 and 9.

Hi OP - only you know what’s ok with you or not and also what the vibe feels like between you. If you want a relationship with sex as a priority - you can have that maybe even with this guy if he wants that too. Right now, per your own rules, you could be having sex at lunch the 2-3x a week that you see him … why do you think that’s not happening?

We only just crossed over the 3-month mark. I didn't have it marked on my calendar as sex day, but I guess I did hope that once the time came it would happen. As for why it hasn't happened I can't say for sure. Maybe we are both waiting for the other to initiate. I can also say that grandma doesn't babysit every week, and we don't always have the whole hour for lunch. Depending on workflow sometimes it's just a 15 to 30 minute break sometimes, we try to do other things when we meet up, like the stuff you normally do on your break. I guess my thread is mostly about thinking ahead and what this will look like moving forward, I suppose next time together I will have to initiate, though I generally prefer when the guy does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dated ( and later married) a widowed father with young kids.
As you said sex is quick for the most part, that's just life with kids, much easier now that we are living together. It was really hard when dating.
I did push for and get an overnight though the first time we were together. I was a virgin and I stressed to him that I needed him to be there after to cuddle, and I wanted to wake up next to him the next morning. I didn't want it to be a hurried affair. He made that happen.
So I think you have to communicate your wants and needs, but also be really flexible about what happens when you are together.

You were a virgin dating a single dad with three young kids? Weird.

Not that PP but what's weird about it? They clearly liked each other and ended up married. You people have so many arbitrary and silly "rules."

DP. Oh come on - that's very weird. She was dating a man who had been a father for at least 5 years (unless they were triplets) but she was a virgin.

Was it arranged? Did the community expect her to keep her chastity intact?

Or maybe she liked this man and he liked her and she hadn't had sex yet but wasn't necessarily waiting for marriage. Again, the weirdos are you creeps.

What I find fascinating about this post and replies is that PP states that "she did push for and get an overnight" for their first time together as if that was a major feat instead of something that adults would normally do or a woman (or man) could reasonable ask for. It does strike me as some sort of power imbalance in the relationship. Was your DH looking for a virgin to marry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! Some of you are super judgmental. Why am I dating him? WTF?. I'm dating him for the reasons most people date someone, He's a nice guy, I'm attracted to him. I enjoy spending time with him. I see him in my future etc.

Why we waited 3 months. # mont and exclusivity are my requirements for sex. It works for me and he didn't have a problem with it. We have been physical with each other, just no sex yet, and what we have shared so far has been enjoyable.

I have already said that he does not want to do overnights because he wants to be around to put his kids to bed. I also assume wake up with them in the morning, and I guess to be there if they get up during the night. I can't fault him for wanting that. I also don't think he needs to tell his kids anything about us yet.
He's been widowed for 3 years, his children are 3,7 and 9.

Hi OP - only you know what’s ok with you or not and also what the vibe feels like between you. If you want a relationship with sex as a priority - you can have that maybe even with this guy if he wants that too. Right now, per your own rules, you could be having sex at lunch the 2-3x a week that you see him … why do you think that’s not happening?

We only just crossed over the 3-month mark. I didn't have it marked on my calendar as sex day, but I guess I did hope that once the time came it would happen. As for why it hasn't happened I can't say for sure. Maybe we are both waiting for the other to initiate. I can also say that grandma doesn't babysit every week, and we don't always have the whole hour for lunch. Depending on workflow sometimes it's just a 15 to 30 minute break sometimes, we try to do other things when we meet up, like the stuff you normally do on your break. I guess my thread is mostly about thinking ahead and what this will look like moving forward, I suppose next time together I will have to initiate, though I generally prefer when the guy does.

Are you sure you two are dating and exclusive? These sound like stolen moments.

[Anonymous]

Somehow it makes me want throw up thinking about having sex with a man while 3 his young kids are sleeping in rooms down the corridor. I remember too well how sex was with my exH when our only kid was 3. And wanting be married to someone with 3 kids??? There are heroic women out there and I am not one of them. Fortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Wow! Some of you are super judgmental. Why am I dating him? WTF?. I'm dating him for the reasons most people date someone, He's a nice guy, I'm attracted to him. I enjoy spending time with him. I see him in my future etc.

Why we waited 3 months. # mont and exclusivity are my requirements for sex. It works for me and he didn't have a problem with it. We have been physical with each other, just no sex yet, and what we have shared so far has been enjoyable.

I have already said that he does not want to do overnights because he wants to be around to put his kids to bed. I also assume wake up with them in the morning, and I guess to be there if they get up during the night. I can't fault him for wanting that. I also don't think he needs to tell his kids anything about us yet.
He's been widowed for 3 years, his children are 3,7 and 9.

Hi OP - only you know what’s ok with you or not and also what the vibe feels like between you. If you want a relationship with sex as a priority - you can have that maybe even with this guy if he wants that too. Right now, per your own rules, you could be having sex at lunch the 2-3x a week that you see him … why do you think that’s not happening?

We only just crossed over the 3-month mark. I didn't have it marked on my calendar as sex day, but I guess I did hope that once the time came it would happen. As for why it hasn't happened I can't say for sure. Maybe we are both waiting for the other to initiate. I can also say that grandma doesn't babysit every week, and we don't always have the whole hour for lunch. Depending on workflow sometimes it's just a 15 to 30 minute break sometimes, we try to do other things when we meet up, like the stuff you normally do on your break. I guess my thread is mostly about thinking ahead and what this will look like moving forward, I suppose next time together I will have to initiate, though I generally prefer when the guy does.

Are you sure you two are dating and exclusive? These sound like stolen moments.

Yes, OP. You seem very sincere and sweet. How old are you? Have you been in serious relationships before? What about the BF? How old, and how many other relationships did he have before his wife passed away? Do you have mutual friends who know that you are dating?