Dating single dad, should I just assume we won't be having sex much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It seems I posted a bit prematurely as he called me yesterday morning to see if I was free as his sister had showed up to his house to take the kids and give him a day off.

I had him come to my place. I didn't do any of the fancy cooking pp suggested. My fridge looked like a college kid's I was planning on going shopping. Anyway we did it. It was well worth the wait, and I kinda wish I hadn't waited so long.

Will definitely be stealing ops idea of random days off for dates etc.

Also, fck u to the people calling him psycho for wanting to be with his kids for bedtime. I don't have a problem with it and think it's sweet.
I plan on seeing him as long as he wants and would love to meet the kids when he's ready for that. What he's told me about them they seem super fun and they're adorable

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and wasn't mean

NP. I will give you some advice and it isn't being mean - it's being honest.

If you want to keep this a casual thing as you continue to look for a long-term partner then that's fine. But if you want a more fulfilling and long-term equal relationship with a man, then you are on a very rough and rocky road that has pitfalls you haven't even dreamed of yet. Such as:

Under no circumstance ever think for one minute that you will be a priority in this man's life. You won't. No matter what happens those kids will come first. As it should.

Imagine you are in the hospital having surgery. He won't be there for you if the kids need him. You had an awful day and just want a shoulder to cry on for a bit. He can't talk all evening because he had things he needs to do with or for the kids. You will always be zero if the equation includes the kids' needs.

You want to take a romantic vacation/weekend away? Even if he plans it with you a sick kid will mean its cancelled.

His wife's family members may not be welcoming you with open arms and statistically will probably throw daggers your way. These motherless children will be fiercely protected and the memory of their mother will be sacrosanct. You will never measure up no matter how much time goes by or how you try.

Even though you haven't met the kids you already think they are super fun and adorable. You also say you will be seeing this man "as long as he wants." Both of those are red flags.

The super fun and adorable kids may have significant issues when they find out their father is dating/seeing you. They may hate you on sight or it may take them time to decide you are an interloper for their father's affections.

If you allow him to rule the relationship "as long as he wants" then you've already decided that your needs don't matter, your time doesn't matter, your priorities don't matter, and it makes you a doormat. Is that what you want?

Go ahead and say fck u to me. But I know what I'm talking about. BTDT.

I get what you’re saying but it’s statistically more likely for this dude to lock in a new mom for his kids. If anything, he’s more of a catch and worth waiting for if he doesn’t move fast. OP should be asking more if she wants to be a stepmom than if she’s ok with him prioritizing kids.

Jesus! You people are exhausting! they've been seeing each other for 3 months. They have just now had sex. That's it. It's a bit too early to be planning a wedding or deciding how things will turn out for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It seems I posted a bit prematurely as he called me yesterday morning to see if I was free as his sister had showed up to his house to take the kids and give him a day off.

I had him come to my place. I didn't do any of the fancy cooking pp suggested. My fridge looked like a college kid's I was planning on going shopping. Anyway we did it. It was well worth the wait, and I kinda wish I hadn't waited so long.

Will definitely be stealing ops idea of random days off for dates etc.

Also, fck u to the people calling him psycho for wanting to be with his kids for bedtime. I don't have a problem with it and think it's sweet.
I plan on seeing him as long as he wants and would love to meet the kids when he's ready for that. What he's told me about them they seem super fun and they're adorable

Thanks to everyone who gave advice and wasn't mean

NP. I will give you some advice and it isn't being mean - it's being honest.

If you want to keep this a casual thing as you continue to look for a long-term partner then that's fine. But if you want a more fulfilling and long-term equal relationship with a man, then you are on a very rough and rocky road that has pitfalls you haven't even dreamed of yet. Such as:

Under no circumstance ever think for one minute that you will be a priority in this man's life. You won't. No matter what happens those kids will come first. As it should.

Imagine you are in the hospital having surgery. He won't be there for you if the kids need him. You had an awful day and just want a shoulder to cry on for a bit. He can't talk all evening because he had things he needs to do with or for the kids. You will always be zero if the equation includes the kids' needs.

You want to take a romantic vacation/weekend away? Even if he plans it with you a sick kid will mean its cancelled.

His wife's family members may not be welcoming you with open arms and statistically will probably throw daggers your way. These motherless children will be fiercely protected and the memory of their mother will be sacrosanct. You will never measure up no matter how much time goes by or how you try.

Even though you haven't met the kids you already think they are super fun and adorable. You also say you will be seeing this man "as long as he wants." Both of those are red flags.

The super fun and adorable kids may have significant issues when they find out their father is dating/seeing you. They may hate you on sight or it may take them time to decide you are an interloper for their father's affections.

If you allow him to rule the relationship "as long as he wants" then you've already decided that your needs don't matter, your time doesn't matter, your priorities don't matter, and it makes you a doormat. Is that what you want?

Go ahead and say fck u to me. But I know what I'm talking about. BTDT.

Stop projecting your issues onto OP.
Just because you date a trash man who refused to make you part of his life and allowed family members to be horrible to you doesn't mean the same will be true for OP.

Not pp but I think that long post was just about priorities in life. And they do matter obviously in relationships too.
Anyway it's all good as long as OP knows the deal.
Good luck OP!

Work was always the priority still for the divorced dads I’ve met. Not the kids, not me.

[Anonymous]

Why cant you just stay at his place overnight. Go after the kids are asleep.

I have two kids. BF comes after both go to sleep and either discretely leaves before the kids wake up or I just take them to basement for a couple of minutes so BF can go out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why cant you just stay at his place overnight. Go after the kids are asleep.

I have two kids. BF comes after both go to sleep and either discretely leaves before the kids wake up or I just take them to basement for a couple of minutes so BF can go out.

One of my kids climbs into our bed almost every night so there is no way I could have a BF sleep over!