Reply to Feel like I'm on a crash course towards an affair. Can't stop.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know I'll be judged but whatever. I'm married with a young DS and I've become friends with a guy that I work with, also married with grown kids. Nothing has happened between us however we've been progressively spending more and more time together at work and are always IMing back and forth. Our conversations are mostly about every day stuff but have occasionally ventured into light flirtation, nothing sexual however. But I can feel a growing attraction between us and I feel like its only a matter of time before things cross over into affair territory. Its probably already an emotional affair at this point or bordering on it.

My marriage has been rocky for the past year or so not to mention DH and I rarely have sex so I know I'm really vulnerable right now. DH and I have been trying to work on our marriage however I am not certain if we are going to make in the long run. I haven't thrown in the towel yet but the lack of sex is definitely an issue for me so I'm sure that's a factor why I'm being drawn to someone else. The problem is I really like this guy as a person, its not just a purely physical thing. And to be honest, I probably would never have went for him when I was single. But he's so nice to me and such a gentle soul, I guess it just feels good.

Adding another layer of complication, so I'm a contractor at our company and he's been trying to help me get hired full time (he's a manager). He has a opening on his team coming up soon and has said he would hire me for it. So if that happens, then he'd be my manager and we'd probably occasionally have to travel together for work.

So on the one hand, I can't exactly "end" things because nothings happened and we've never even had a discussion about what's happening between us but OTOH, us being friends will benefit me in possibly getting this job. But then if I am hired and join his team, then we will be spending even more time together making an affair all the more likely.

I know I'm a mess. What should I do? [/quote]

You can stop. For starters, stop IMing back and forth. Do you have to be on IM for work? If so, keep it to work. If he brings up non-work, give non-response responses and then suddenly have something you need to do. Stop spending so much time together. Don't eat lunch together. Don't take coffee breaks together. Don't speak with him when you're not at work. Try not to speak about things that are unrelated to work.

You are enjoying the attention because you are feeling neglected emotionally and sexually by your husband. That is normal and understandable given how you've described your marriage, but frankly, it was your marriage getting to that point that made you ripe to enjoy attention from other men, not this specific man and the specific attention he gives you. Think about how you can repair your marriage. If the answer is that you cannot repair it, it is time to consider separating. That decision should be made independently and without the assumption that you will ever be romantically attached to anyone again in your life. If you would rather be single forever than married to your husband, file for divorce and get it over with. If you think that you could fix things with your husband by addressing the problems that you know already exist.

Rule of thumb, though, is that you cannot - I repeat, CANNOT - repair a struggling married while continuing to be involved, even just emotionally, with someone else.

It would probably be a good idea to look for a new job.[/quote]

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