How to start affair with married man who's sending me mixed signals

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No lecturing please. It won't change my mind.

We are both married with young kids. We work in the same field, and have been business partners on a couple projects.

I'm 38. He is 45, not outwardly attractive, but respected and desired by many in the business because he has extensive business experience and integrity, he's a visionary in the field, and he's caring, friendly, and impossibly generous with his time and advice to everyone. I adore him, respect him, and think the world of him, and I make sure he knows that. but I'm not sure he knows I'm physically attracted to him and incredibly turned on by him.

We've known each other two years. He took off his wedding ring about 6 months after we started working together.

Over the last 1.5 years:
He calls me every weekday. Sometimes about business, sometimes not, and we always end up talking for hours.
We have lunch at least weekly, followed by coffee. Sometimes we just meet for coffee, 2-4 times a week. More hours of conversation, starting into each others eyes, lots of laughter, or just working silently together. We alternate picking up the checks.
Not as often, but we have late night texts, FB msgs, and emails. Mostly philosophizing, but twice it ventured into sexual topics.
I'm Asian, and he commented once that he wanted an Asian girlfriend.

However, he never calls me on weekends, we hardly ever touch - I can count our hugs on one hand, and he had never complimented me or bought me anything outside our meals/coffee.

I want to know if he's attracted to me, and how to start an affair with him.

Thanks.

Just tell him you are attracted to him, that you have a crush on him. It worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Lol! I'm on a warpath against two people in my office having an affair. Lots of history, but their office affair impacted our work envoronmwnt negatively. I've now lit a perverbial match and I'm burning it all down. I just successful waged a campaign and got the guy fired last Wednesday. For the female, I'm going to her husband and going to blow it all up in her face and pull the covers off her little charade.

They crossed me and now they will be outed. The off was already vastly improved yesterday.

[Anonymous]

This question is akin to asking, "How do I get a train to wreck?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol! I'm on a warpath against two people in my office having an affair. Lots of history, but their office affair impacted our work envoronmwnt negatively. I've now lit a perverbial match and I'm burning it all down. I just successful waged a campaign and got the guy fired last Wednesday. For the female, I'm going to her husband and going to blow it all up in her face and pull the covers off her little charade.

They crossed me and now they will be outed. The off was already vastly improved yesterday.

You sound like a psycho.

[Anonymous]

I find it hard to believe that the original post is real, but I'll play.

No judgement at all. In fact, I am really annoyed with my DH at the moment, I find myself admiring handsome, accomplished men all the time. But that's it.

OP, think of yourself for a minute. You would be messing with your work life. A work affair won't ever end well. Someone will find our for sure-and that will be really messy. Someone will get hurt (you, him, spouses, kids) and that will be ugly. Where does that leave you work-wise?

Don't ruin your life for this.

But if you insist, make a move. He is a man and will likely at least want to have sex a few times.

[Anonymous]

How do you have time to talk on the phone "for hours" every weekday with this guy, on top of weekly lunches and coffee dates 2 to 4 times a week?

[Anonymous]

If he really wanted to start an affair, he wouldn't be sending you mixed signals- he'd initiate.

[Anonymous]

If you've reached the age of 38 and don't know how to get a man into bed I don't even know what advice to give.
You probably are scared to make a blatant move because you fear he will turn you down. Listen to that part of yourself, no good will come of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he really wanted to start an affair, he wouldn't be sending you mixed signals- he'd initiate.

Totally agree with this. He isn't into it.

[Anonymous]

You're his work wife. That's all.

And if this blows up in your face it will ruin your career, but likely not his.

So good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Stupid bitch

[Anonymous]

Talking for hours is a good sign. Maybe he's too scared/shy to make the first move, especially if he's your supervisor. He probably hasn't dated in years and has forgot his moves.

If you talk so much, just start to steer the conversation to the right areas, and also touch him a bit more. For example, if you're both talking about some new movie, say something like "We should go tomorrow afternoon, it'll be like a date." chuckle chuckle.. He can take that as you joking or not..

[Anonymous]

OP here.

My marriage. Sometimes a person can cause more pain with their presence than their absence. And I can't get out, for my own reasons.

OM and I own our own businesses, and he taught me a lot in putting systems in place for it to run well and without me. He been a mentor in many ways. And that's why we can spend so much time together.

I will be moving in about 6 months. I want to be with OM for this time.

I feel like he's waiting for ME to make a move. But the reasons above, ie not touching or complimenting, make me unsure.

[Anonymous]

Check our recent threads posted by people in despair after discovering their spouse's infidelity. If they don't impact you at all then you may be a sociopath. Your behavior is toxic - to both of your children and spouses. But you don't care.

I think you're full of s**t, because nobody who was really in the situation you describe would actually post here for advice.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah this could totally be a fun month or two for you, but what happens when one of you gets uncomfortable and wants to call it off. You still have to work together on your business projects, only now you'll basically have to work with your ex. How do you think that's going to go?

When I was single, I had a relationship with another totally single guy from work, and it made the break up process 200 times worse because I couldn't just go cold turkey, I had to see him in the halls or at lunch almost every day. It made me a little crazy. NEVER AGAIN. And I wasn't even married then!