How to start affair with married man who's sending me mixed signals

[Anonymous]

No lecturing please. It won't change my mind.

We are both married with young kids. We work in the same field, and have been business partners on a couple projects.

I'm 38. He is 45, not outwardly attractive, but respected and desired by many in the business because he has extensive business experience and integrity, he's a visionary in the field, and he's caring, friendly, and impossibly generous with his time and advice to everyone. I adore him, respect him, and think the world of him, and I make sure he knows that. but I'm not sure he knows I'm physically attracted to him and incredibly turned on by him.

We've known each other two years. He took off his wedding ring about 6 months after we started working together.

Over the last 1.5 years:
He calls me every weekday. Sometimes about business, sometimes not, and we always end up talking for hours.
We have lunch at least weekly, followed by coffee. Sometimes we just meet for coffee, 2-4 times a week. More hours of conversation, starting into each others eyes, lots of laughter, or just working silently together. We alternate picking up the checks.
Not as often, but we have late night texts, FB msgs, and emails. Mostly philosophizing, but twice it ventured into sexual topics.
I'm Asian, and he commented once that he wanted an Asian girlfriend.

However, he never calls me on weekends, we hardly ever touch - I can count our hugs on one hand, and he had never complimented me or bought me anything outside our meals/coffee.

I want to know if he's attracted to me, and how to start an affair with him.

Thanks.

[Anonymous]

No judgment but please watch yourself if you have partnered with this individual on projects, especially if your role was in a subordinate capacity.
I get it that you are not at the same company but you work in the same field yet there are still risks involved here.
Please inform yourself concerning your organization's policies on work relationships.

[Anonymous]

He's toying with you for his own amusement and has no intention of ever having a physical affair.

[Anonymous]

If you truly adore and respect him and want the best for him, stay away from him so you don't ruin his life. If you have any self respect, go to a marriage counselor and fix your marriage or get divorced and hit on a single guy. Don't destroy your spouse and his spouse's lives. Have compassion and stop being selfish. Not lecturing, just facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you truly adore and respect him and want the best for him, stay away from him so you don't ruin his life. If you have any self respect, go to a marriage counselor and fix your marriage or get divorced and hit on a single guy. Don't destroy your spouse and his spouse's lives. Have compassion and stop being selfish. Not lecturing, just facts.

This. And risk ruining his kids' lives. And if he's any man at all, he won't want his kids to suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly adore and respect him and want the best for him, stay away from him so you don't ruin his life. If you have any self respect, go to a marriage counselor and fix your marriage or get divorced and hit on a single guy. Don't destroy your spouse and his spouse's lives. Have compassion and stop being selfish. Not lecturing, just facts.

This. And risk ruining his kids' lives. And if he's any man at all, he won't want his kids to suffer.

I agree with this, but aren't affairs a two-way street?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's toying with you for his own amusement and has no intention of ever having a physical affair.

Why would he do this? I'm not the OP, but it is hard for me to understand why this would be amusing to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you truly adore and respect him and want the best for him, stay away from him so you don't ruin his life. If you have any self respect, go to a marriage counselor and fix your marriage or get divorced and hit on a single guy. Don't destroy your spouse and his spouse's lives. Have compassion and stop being selfish. Not lecturing, just facts.

This. And risk ruining his kids' lives. And if he's any man at all, he won't want his kids to suffer.

I agree with this, but aren't affairs a two-way street?

They are. But I'm addressing the OP not the guy. When you truly care about someone, you want to bring out the best in them, right? You don't want to tear them down. "If" you truly care, of course, which is key.

[Anonymous]

Have some integrity. Leave him alone.

[Anonymous]

lol you're a pathetic loser, OP. Go away.

[Anonymous]

Just think about your own kids. A friend was named in her former AP's divorce. She had to tell her DH and teenaged kids. All were devastated. Months later, her DH filed for divorce and full custody. They are still fighting over the youngest two teens, but the college age boy hasn't spoken to her since his HS graduation.

[Anonymous]

The path you are on could lead to suicide, alcoholism, drug abuse, depression for someone you love or he loves. Actions have consequences.

[Anonymous]

How about texting him naked pics of yourself.

[Anonymous]

No judgement?

Um, sorry, not going to happen.

You want to break a contract you entered into on the sly, and you want to pull someone else into doing the same. This inflicts disorder and chaos on our society, and of course you'll be judged. We don't want to live with lying scum who create havoc.

[Anonymous]

By asking it shows you want our judgement and you want to pull back. You need to cut off contact with him for your sake, for his sake and for both your families.