Public School Teacher's Resentment Toward DS for Going to Private High School?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

It sounds like she's somewhat rigid in her approach -- but perhaps this is the way she normally functions? I know many math teachers (in particular) who take the "dot the i and cross the t's" approach, and I'm fair enough to recognize that it can teach important lessons about details.

If she had slammed your child in her letter of recommendation, he very well might not have been accepted. Teacher rec letters can be that important. So odds are she likes your child fine.

"She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material." Hmmm. I suggest you read this out loud to yourself. It sounds like this teacher puts in quite a bit of time before school and during her own free time during the day. She may have had other responsibilities after school, or personal obligations.

Finally, I'm sure your son is a very nice boy, but even nice kids can sometimes come across as somewhat entitled. You weren't in the room for your child's interactions and there's at least a possibility that he was entitled, or flaky, or what have you, in trying to get extra help. Perhaps it came across that it had to be on "his" schedule.

Bottom line is that it sounds like your child has done very well at the school and is excited about the school he will be attending next year. Does it really matter if he will theoretically not perform as well on this upcoming test? Do you want to spend your last months at the school in a fight with a teacher or administration?

I would add a question -- did the teacher just out of the blue write you emails that he had not missed the relevant materials? Or was this is response to a complaint by you/your child that the child had performed poorly due to missed material that the teacher did not help him make up? And, the teacher may be the one who knows best what she covered in class and whether he missed material relevant to the test.

You don't actually have to answer these questions, OP (obviously). But these are questions people would ask (or maybe even just think about silently, while being polite but thinking 'I am glad the private school will have to deal with her next year').

You could be right, and the teacher could have taken a dislike to your child's "betrayal" at leaving public school. But that sounds sort of silly. More likely, if there has been a change (as opposed to this being the first time your son, a good student, has run up against her "tight ship" mentality), it is because of a sense that your family is making it "her job" to personally tutor your child to make up for voluntary absences.

The teacher was reacting to the guidance counselor giving him an extra day to take the upcoming test due to his absences and unavailability of the teacher to help. The teacher is NEVER there after school. DS is well liked by all other teachers and guidance counselor. He is not the type to act entitled or brag. Lots of kids wear their high school shirts. There is a pattern of this teacher's harassment since we applied to the schools. His grades up to this point in the class (this quarter and prior quarters) are all As. He is a hard worker. My gut tells me the teacher is somehow trying to retaliate for the fact that the guidance counselor is advocating for him.

So then what is your point of posting? You've clearly decided this teacher has it out for your son. Fine. You've been offered advice for how to approach this teacher. What is it you're looking for here on DCUM?

[Anonymous]

I think it's kind of silly that you are upset with a teacher for not helping your child on her own time, since the absences are voluntary. Plus, you are going over her head to the guidance counselor. I do think she should have cut him some slack on the assignment he tried to turn in early though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

It sounds like she's somewhat rigid in her approach -- but perhaps this is the way she normally functions? I know many math teachers (in particular) who take the "dot the i and cross the t's" approach, and I'm fair enough to recognize that it can teach important lessons about details.

If she had slammed your child in her letter of recommendation, he very well might not have been accepted. Teacher rec letters can be that important. So odds are she likes your child fine.

"She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material." Hmmm. I suggest you read this out loud to yourself. It sounds like this teacher puts in quite a bit of time before school and during her own free time during the day. She may have had other responsibilities after school, or personal obligations.

Finally, I'm sure your son is a very nice boy, but even nice kids can sometimes come across as somewhat entitled. You weren't in the room for your child's interactions and there's at least a possibility that he was entitled, or flaky, or what have you, in trying to get extra help. Perhaps it came across that it had to be on "his" schedule.

Bottom line is that it sounds like your child has done very well at the school and is excited about the school he will be attending next year. Does it really matter if he will theoretically not perform as well on this upcoming test? Do you want to spend your last months at the school in a fight with a teacher or administration?

I would add a question -- did the teacher just out of the blue write you emails that he had not missed the relevant materials? Or was this is response to a complaint by you/your child that the child had performed poorly due to missed material that the teacher did not help him make up? And, the teacher may be the one who knows best what she covered in class and whether he missed material relevant to the test.

You don't actually have to answer these questions, OP (obviously). But these are questions people would ask (or maybe even just think about silently, while being polite but thinking 'I am glad the private school will have to deal with her next year').

You could be right, and the teacher could have taken a dislike to your child's "betrayal" at leaving public school. But that sounds sort of silly. More likely, if there has been a change (as opposed to this being the first time your son, a good student, has run up against her "tight ship" mentality), it is because of a sense that your family is making it "her job" to personally tutor your child to make up for voluntary absences.

The teacher was reacting to the guidance counselor giving him an extra day to take the upcoming test due to his absences and unavailability of the teacher to help. The teacher is NEVER there after school. DS is well liked by all other teachers and guidance counselor. He is not the type to act entitled or brag. Lots of kids wear their high school shirts. There is a pattern of this teacher's harassment since we applied to the schools. His grades up to this point in the class (this quarter and prior quarters) are all As. He is a hard worker. My gut tells me the teacher is somehow trying to retaliate for the fact that the guidance counselor is advocating for him.

Okay, you've put all your cards on the table -- I will do the same.

You sound ungrateful (for the teacher's recommendation letter); unreliable (in your description of events, which sounds paranoid and one-sided); and unreasonable (in your entire approach to this). You've already made up your mind. I am sorry for that teacher that she will have to deal with your complaints, carping, and character assassination in the spring.

So many kids apply to private schools in this area -- it's old hat. It's not her, it's YOU.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like going to the guidance counselor to "fix" things was the start of your troubles. You seem to have no perspective on how being overridden on a decision can affect most people. Basically, you decided she was unreasonable and undermined her without ever having a direct conversation with her.

You do come across as entitled and not very sensitive our aware of others' feelings and needs. The teacher may not be acting in a completely fair manner, but it sounds like she was provoked. You behaved in a way that was disrespectful of her.

If you really want to solve this rather than just bashing her on DCUM, I suggest you go in to talk to her face to face, ask questions, and listen without getting defensive. Only when you can listen to her with respect are you going to be able to find a solution.

[Anonymous]

Your DS is leaving the school system! Who cares...just keep the grade decent. I wouldn't think too much about this. You will have plenty to worry about, like the full private tuition and the nonstop fundraisers to come!

Relax!

[Anonymous]

Who cares, OP? His grades wont matter for college applications and he's already accepted at your desired school for him. There are bosses who get upset when you make a move they don't agree with that formerly liked you. Tell him to step his game up so that she doesn't have anything to dock him for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like going to the guidance counselor to "fix" things was the start of your troubles. You seem to have no perspective on how being overridden on a decision can affect most people. Basically, you decided she was unreasonable and undermined her without ever having a direct conversation with her.

You do come across as entitled and not very sensitive our aware of others' feelings and needs. The teacher may not be acting in a completely fair manner, but it sounds like she was provoked. You behaved in a way that was disrespectful of her.

If you really want to solve this rather than just bashing her on DCUM, I suggest you go in to talk to her face to face, ask questions, and listen without getting defensive. Only when you can listen to her with respect are you going to be able to find a solution.

Excellent point. She was good enough for a recommendation but now OP doesn't trust her judgment. Between going to the guidance counselor and the son's new sweatshirt, sounds like someone lacks awareness and possibly humility.

[Anonymous]

You sound like the classic "snowplow parent"! Your DC is 13 (or 14) already.....time for him to figure out a way to work with a teacher, reasonable or unreasonable. The "problems you stated are minor and trivial, and you are multiplying them by over reacting.....and I'm pretty sure your DS as well as the teacher know that. The teacher is probably digging in as her reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

I think if he was going to be pulled out of school for shadowing, he should've done his work in advance or talked to her about whether or not there would be late penalties.

The late penalties seem reasonable.

I think either your or your kid or both of you are expecting everyone to accommodate his move to a new school and maybe it's getting annoying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like going to the guidance counselor to "fix" things was the start of your troubles. You seem to have no perspective on how being overridden on a decision can affect most people. Basically, you decided she was unreasonable and undermined her without ever having a direct conversation with her.

You do come across as entitled and not very sensitive our aware of others' feelings and needs. The teacher may not be acting in a completely fair manner, but it sounds like she was provoked. You behaved in a way that was disrespectful of her.

If you really want to solve this rather than just bashing her on DCUM, I suggest you go in to talk to her face to face, ask questions, and listen without getting defensive. Only when you can listen to her with respect are you going to be able to find a solution.

Excellent point. She was good enough for a recommendation but now OP doesn't trust her judgment. Between going to the guidance counselor and the son's new sweatshirt, sounds like someone lacks awareness and possibly humility.

The absences were "excused" absences. My son approached the teacher (teachers are to be available to help when material is not understood...if not they are not good teachers) during lunch and before school. She never has time for him. If you had read my original post, you would have seen that she was unreasonable about a project he tried to submit before it was due. We have not problems with other teachers. My son is well liked by ALL other teachers and administrators and has not had any issues with anyone in his three years in this school. The reason the guidance teacher was involved is because this teacher has historically not wanted to cooperate, and had already told my son that she will not help him.

Maybe it has nothing to do with the school application...maybe she is just a horrible teacher.

Thanks for your input.

[Anonymous]

I was warned in our previous Ward 3 public that the teachers would be resentful if my child was admitted to an independent school. One teacher had children that left our school to attend independent schools yet wanted to know why I would take my daughter out of this great school. I did not respond as I wanted because she was writing the recommendation. Another teacher said she was surprised my child was admitted to a Big 3 as she was an unlikely candidate. She never taught my child. The teachers asked nosey questions about SSAT scores and how we created a brand for our child. One teacher said she would never use her nest egg to send her kids to private. The principal stated at the June HSA meeting that public school teachers had the better skill set. His son was rejected at a Big 3 that same year.

My advice to others is to secure two additional community references from outside the current school to balance any bland recommendations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

I think if he was going to be pulled out of school for shadowing, he should've done his work in advance or talked to her about whether or not there would be late penalties.

The late penalties seem reasonable.

I think either your or your kid or both of you are expecting everyone to accommodate his move to a new school and maybe it's getting annoying?

Shadow visits to other schools are excused absences. The school is obligated to accommodate the student for missed work during school visits. Yes obligated. That is why guidance counselor overruled the teachers unwillingness to accommodate. It is the law and she tried to break it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was warned in our previous Ward 3 public that the teachers would be resentful if my child was admitted to an independent school. One teacher had children that left our school to attend independent schools yet wanted to know why I would take my daughter out of this great school. I did not respond as I wanted because she was writing the recommendation. Another teacher said she was surprised my child was admitted to a Big 3 as she was an unlikely candidate. She never taught my child. The teachers asked nosey questions about SSAT scores and how we created a brand for our child. One teacher said she would never use her nest egg to send her kids to private. The principal stated at the June HSA meeting that public school teachers had the better skill set. His son was rejected at a Big 3 that same year.

My advice to others is to secure two additional community references from outside the current school to balance any bland recommendations.

Unfortunately some teachers can be unreasonably insulted about a family's choice to seek a school that is right for them. It is not something I ever expected. Most have been very supportive. It is too bad that they let their egos get in the way of supporting the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

I think if he was going to be pulled out of school for shadowing, he should've done his work in advance or talked to her about whether or not there would be late penalties.

The late penalties seem reasonable.

I think either your or your kid or both of you are expecting everyone to accommodate his move to a new school and maybe it's getting annoying?

Shadow visits to other schools are excused absences. The school is obligated to accommodate the student for missed work during school visits. Yes obligated. That is why guidance counselor overruled the teachers unwillingness to accommodate. It is the law and she tried to break it.

wars like this one were why we moved to private school in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like going to the guidance counselor to "fix" things was the start of your troubles. You seem to have no perspective on how being overridden on a decision can affect most people. Basically, you decided she was unreasonable and undermined her without ever having a direct conversation with her.

You do come across as entitled and not very sensitive our aware of others' feelings and needs. The teacher may not be acting in a completely fair manner, but it sounds like she was provoked. You behaved in a way that was disrespectful of her.

If you really want to solve this rather than just bashing her on DCUM, I suggest you go in to talk to her face to face, ask questions, and listen without getting defensive. Only when you can listen to her with respect are you going to be able to find a solution.

Excellent point. She was good enough for a recommendation but now OP doesn't trust her judgment. Between going to the guidance counselor and the son's new sweatshirt, sounds like someone lacks awareness and possibly humility.

The absences were "excused" absences. My son approached the teacher (teachers are to be available to help when material is not understood...if not they are not good teachers) during lunch and before school. She never has time for him. If you had read my original post, you would have seen that she was unreasonable about a project he tried to submit before it was due. We have not problems with other teachers. My son is well liked by ALL other teachers and administrators and has not had any issues with anyone in his three years in this school. The reason the guidance teacher was involved is because this teacher has historically not wanted to cooperate, and had already told my son that she will not help him.

Maybe it has nothing to do with the school application...maybe she is just a horrible teacher.

Thanks for your input.

That's it! You are the one with the problem. you can't seem to believe that perhaps your DC should bear some responsibility for the missing works. Instead, you are labeling her to be a bad teacher.

It would be poetic justice if she fails your DC and the private school rescind their offer of admission.