Public School Teacher's Resentment Toward DS for Going to Private High School?

[Anonymous]

Has anyone ever experienced a teacher suddenly becoming cold and difficult after she found out your child was leaving public school to go to private? DS's math teacher has become difficult almost to the point of bullying him. The scary thing is that she is one of the people who wrote his recommendation. Luckily he got into both schools, but I just don't know if it is my imagination. An educational consultant we know recommended that he not tell his teachers he is leaving as sometimes they become resentful. But this obviously could not be avoided as she wrote the recommendation. Lately she has become extremely unreasonable with him about assignments and makeups (due to shadow visits). Guidance counselor has been supportive, but the teacher is stressing us out! I told him not to wear the new school sweatshirt to school anymore as it is probably provoking her

[Anonymous]

Is this being reported to you by son, or have you personally interacted with the teacher to judge that she's being "unreasonable?" I ask because as the mother of an 8th grader, I've found that I don't always get the full picture of what is going on. My son, (a well-behaved, bright kid) is sometimes a flake. If you haven't spoken with the teacher, I would suggest you do so. Go in with an attitude that you are simply looking for clarification and answers. Do not accuse. Ask questions and listen.

As for the sweatshirt, he can wait to wear that at home and when he starts at the new school.

[Anonymous]

This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

It sounds like she's somewhat rigid in her approach -- but perhaps this is the way she normally functions? I know many math teachers (in particular) who take the "dot the i and cross the t's" approach, and I'm fair enough to recognize that it can teach important lessons about details.

If she had slammed your child in her letter of recommendation, he very well might not have been accepted. Teacher rec letters can be that important. So odds are she likes your child fine.

"She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material." Hmmm. I suggest you read this out loud to yourself. It sounds like this teacher puts in quite a bit of time before school and during her own free time during the day. She may have had other responsibilities after school, or personal obligations.

Finally, I'm sure your son is a very nice boy, but even nice kids can sometimes come across as somewhat entitled. You weren't in the room for your child's interactions and there's at least a possibility that he was entitled, or flaky, or what have you, in trying to get extra help. Perhaps it came across that it had to be on "his" schedule.

Bottom line is that it sounds like your child has done very well at the school and is excited about the school he will be attending next year. Does it really matter if he will theoretically not perform as well on this upcoming test? Do you want to spend your last months at the school in a fight with a teacher or administration?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

It sounds like she's somewhat rigid in her approach -- but perhaps this is the way she normally functions? I know many math teachers (in particular) who take the "dot the i and cross the t's" approach, and I'm fair enough to recognize that it can teach important lessons about details.

If she had slammed your child in her letter of recommendation, he very well might not have been accepted. Teacher rec letters can be that important. So odds are she likes your child fine.

"She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material." Hmmm. I suggest you read this out loud to yourself. It sounds like this teacher puts in quite a bit of time before school and during her own free time during the day. She may have had other responsibilities after school, or personal obligations.

Finally, I'm sure your son is a very nice boy, but even nice kids can sometimes come across as somewhat entitled. You weren't in the room for your child's interactions and there's at least a possibility that he was entitled, or flaky, or what have you, in trying to get extra help. Perhaps it came across that it had to be on "his" schedule.

Bottom line is that it sounds like your child has done very well at the school and is excited about the school he will be attending next year. Does it really matter if he will theoretically not perform as well on this upcoming test? Do you want to spend your last months at the school in a fight with a teacher or administration?

I would add a question -- did the teacher just out of the blue write you emails that he had not missed the relevant materials? Or was this is response to a complaint by you/your child that the child had performed poorly due to missed material that the teacher did not help him make up? And, the teacher may be the one who knows best what she covered in class and whether he missed material relevant to the test.

You don't actually have to answer these questions, OP (obviously). But these are questions people would ask (or maybe even just think about silently, while being polite but thinking 'I am glad the private school will have to deal with her next year').

You could be right, and the teacher could have taken a dislike to your child's "betrayal" at leaving public school. But that sounds sort of silly. More likely, if there has been a change (as opposed to this being the first time your son, a good student, has run up against her "tight ship" mentality), it is because of a sense that your family is making it "her job" to personally tutor your child to make up for voluntary absences.

[Anonymous]

How is your son behaving about the whole thing? Is he bragging?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is your son behaving about the whole thing? Is he bragging?

He's wearing the sweatshirt of his new school to class. What do you think?

[Anonymous]

This is the time of year when the Math teachers get really busy. They are trying to help all students get better and they have SOLs to prepare for. As a public school parent I got a report every few days outlining how my student was doing in math. How did she find the time to do that? they are particularly concerned with those who are struggling. Changing and rearranging the schedule for someone who is making an A and also leaving just is not a high priority. Teachers do not care that your DS is going to private. In fact, when we ran out of money for private and had to switch back to public, they were particularly understanding. I think you may be overthinking things.

[Anonymous]

Wearing the new school sweatshirt to his present school is obnoxious. My child is in 5th grade and if he turns in something late it is marked down one letter grade each day it's late - simply preparing him for high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wearing the new school sweatshirt to his present school is obnoxious. My child is in 5th grade and if he turns in something late it is marked down one letter grade each day it's late - simply preparing him for high school.

Teacher might be doing that. Being strict to get him ready for high school. But maybe she's always been strict and your son has never until this point needed to be cut some slack. ?

But maybe it has absolutely nothing to do with your son. Maybe her husband just left her. Or her mom has been diagnosed with cancer. Or something else outside your son that makes it difficult for her to give him her all. In any event, he's old enough now to understand he needs to be able to navigate through these very typical life challenges. A good life lesson here.

[Anonymous]

Boys in the spring of 8th grade tend to be goofy/flaky/forgetful - a combination of warmer weather and knowing they're almost out of middle school. Teachers may react by tightening up. Unless your DS has concrete examples of how she is harder on him than any other student, I wouldn't jump to the "she's resentful" interpretation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever experienced a teacher suddenly becoming cold and difficult after she found out your child was leaving public school to go to private? DS's math teacher has become difficult almost to the point of bullying him. The scary thing is that she is one of the people who wrote his recommendation. Luckily he got into both schools, but I just don't know if it is my imagination. An educational consultant we know recommended that he not tell his teachers he is leaving as sometimes they become resentful. But this obviously could not be avoided as she wrote the recommendation. Lately she has become extremely unreasonable with him about assignments and makeups (due to shadow visits). Guidance counselor has been supportive, but the teacher is stressing us out! I told him not to wear the new school sweatshirt to school anymore as it is probably provoking her

The "scary thing is that she is one of the people who wrote his recommendation"? Why is this scary? It means your worries are ill-founded. She clearly wrote positive things about your son; otherwise, he likely wouldn't have been accepted at "both schools."

Based on what you've written, it doesn't sound like she's become "extremely unreasonable" with your son. For instance, if she's available before and during school to provide extra help for students, she's making herself available to all students, including your son, isn't she? If he wants help after school, that may not work so well for her schedule. Teachers have meetings after school, and various other work and personal commitments.

Have you considered that you may want to believe the teacher is unreasonable and resentful in spite of the evidence, rather than because of it?

[Anonymous]

Not worth over analyzing. You will drive yourself crazy trying to get in someone else's head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

It sounds like she's somewhat rigid in her approach -- but perhaps this is the way she normally functions? I know many math teachers (in particular) who take the "dot the i and cross the t's" approach, and I'm fair enough to recognize that it can teach important lessons about details.

If she had slammed your child in her letter of recommendation, he very well might not have been accepted. Teacher rec letters can be that important. So odds are she likes your child fine.

"She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material." Hmmm. I suggest you read this out loud to yourself. It sounds like this teacher puts in quite a bit of time before school and during her own free time during the day. She may have had other responsibilities after school, or personal obligations.

Finally, I'm sure your son is a very nice boy, but even nice kids can sometimes come across as somewhat entitled. You weren't in the room for your child's interactions and there's at least a possibility that he was entitled, or flaky, or what have you, in trying to get extra help. Perhaps it came across that it had to be on "his" schedule.

Bottom line is that it sounds like your child has done very well at the school and is excited about the school he will be attending next year. Does it really matter if he will theoretically not perform as well on this upcoming test? Do you want to spend your last months at the school in a fight with a teacher or administration?

I would add a question -- did the teacher just out of the blue write you emails that he had not missed the relevant materials? Or was this is response to a complaint by you/your child that the child had performed poorly due to missed material that the teacher did not help him make up? And, the teacher may be the one who knows best what she covered in class and whether he missed material relevant to the test.

You don't actually have to answer these questions, OP (obviously). But these are questions people would ask (or maybe even just think about silently, while being polite but thinking 'I am glad the private school will have to deal with her next year').

You could be right, and the teacher could have taken a dislike to your child's "betrayal" at leaving public school. But that sounds sort of silly. More likely, if there has been a change (as opposed to this being the first time your son, a good student, has run up against her "tight ship" mentality), it is because of a sense that your family is making it "her job" to personally tutor your child to make up for voluntary absences.

The teacher was reacting to the guidance counselor giving him an extra day to take the upcoming test due to his absences and unavailability of the teacher to help. The teacher is NEVER there after school. DS is well liked by all other teachers and guidance counselor. He is not the type to act entitled or brag. Lots of kids wear their high school shirts. There is a pattern of this teacher's harassment since we applied to the schools. His grades up to this point in the class (this quarter and prior quarters) are all As. He is a hard worker. My gut tells me the teacher is somehow trying to retaliate for the fact that the guidance counselor is advocating for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. DS tried to hand something in a day early (which is allowed and encouraged). She said he needed the rubric. He went to get it from his desk and she said no, hand it in tomorrow. The next day he mistakenly left it home (he was showing his dad the work) and she took a grade off his project for being late to hand it in, even though she knew he had done it and we brought it to the school right after school. The guidance counselor fixed things. Next he had a test right after missing some days due to shadowing. He missed some of the material and tried to see her to get help. She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material. Then she went out of her way to send me emails about the days he was out and how he did not miss the material...she spent a lot of time with the emails...why can't she help my kid? My son is a straight A student...forgetful sometimes, but sweet and well liked by all the other teachers and administrators.

It sounds like she's somewhat rigid in her approach -- but perhaps this is the way she normally functions? I know many math teachers (in particular) who take the "dot the i and cross the t's" approach, and I'm fair enough to recognize that it can teach important lessons about details.

If she had slammed your child in her letter of recommendation, he very well might not have been accepted. Teacher rec letters can be that important. So odds are she likes your child fine.

"She was always busy giving kids tests before school and during lunch, and never available after school to help him with the material." Hmmm. I suggest you read this out loud to yourself. It sounds like this teacher puts in quite a bit of time before school and during her own free time during the day. She may have had other responsibilities after school, or personal obligations.

Finally, I'm sure your son is a very nice boy, but even nice kids can sometimes come across as somewhat entitled. You weren't in the room for your child's interactions and there's at least a possibility that he was entitled, or flaky, or what have you, in trying to get extra help. Perhaps it came across that it had to be on "his" schedule.

Bottom line is that it sounds like your child has done very well at the school and is excited about the school he will be attending next year. Does it really matter if he will theoretically not perform as well on this upcoming test? Do you want to spend your last months at the school in a fight with a teacher or administration?

I would add a question -- did the teacher just out of the blue write you emails that he had not missed the relevant materials? Or was this is response to a complaint by you/your child that the child had performed poorly due to missed material that the teacher did not help him make up? And, the teacher may be the one who knows best what she covered in class and whether he missed material relevant to the test.

You don't actually have to answer these questions, OP (obviously). But these are questions people would ask (or maybe even just think about silently, while being polite but thinking 'I am glad the private school will have to deal with her next year').

You could be right, and the teacher could have taken a dislike to your child's "betrayal" at leaving public school. But that sounds sort of silly. More likely, if there has been a change (as opposed to this being the first time your son, a good student, has run up against her "tight ship" mentality), it is because of a sense that your family is making it "her job" to personally tutor your child to make up for voluntary absences.

The teacher was reacting to the guidance counselor giving him an extra day to take the upcoming test due to his absences and unavailability of the teacher to help. The teacher is NEVER there after school. DS is well liked by all other teachers and guidance counselor. He is not the type to act entitled or brag. Lots of kids wear their high school shirts. There is a pattern of this teacher's harassment since we applied to the schools. His grades up to this point in the class (this quarter and prior quarters) are all As. He is a hard worker. My gut tells me the teacher is somehow trying to retaliate for the fact that the guidance counselor is advocating for him.

Okay, if she's never available after school, then it's a bit silly to conclude she's got some sort of vendetta against your son when she won't help him after school.