"Are You Working Yet?"

[Anonymous]

While I understand the OP's frustration, it sounds like an innocent question to me. We all understand what they mean and know that "work" is generally understood to mean some form of employment. I am sure we have all referred to a SAHM friend as "a friend of mine who doesn't work". It does not mean we are belittling the "work" she does at home, we are merely using a word that that usually means employment. I think OP is reading too much into the question. If she feels so strongly, she could possibly enlighten her childless friends by telling them that she does consider herself employed or "working" as she raises her kids and looks after her home. I really would not take offense at that and I stayed home when DC were small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While I understand the OP's frustration, it sounds like an innocent question to me. We all understand what they mean and know that "work" is generally understood to mean some form of employment. I am sure we have all referred to a SAHM friend as "a friend of mine who doesn't work". It does not mean we are belittling the "work" she does at home, we are merely using a word that that usually means employment. I think OP is reading too much into the question. If she feels so strongly, she could possibly enlighten her childless friends by telling them that she does consider herself employed or "working" as she raises her kids and looks after her home. I really would not take offense at that and I stayed home when DC were small.

Agreed. Think of a serious full-time law student who studies hard around the clock. They are not lounging around eating bon bons but if you asked if they had returned to work yet the answer would be no -- and it would not be considered a judging question.

[Anonymous]

I think they are asking whether you are employed. Do you really think these "single" people are trying to disparage your work. Are you really that sensitive? I am a SAHM, but I'm really tired of the bashing of single people that goes on on this board. For example, single people can never know true love, single people should never give parenting advice, single people should never ask a sahm if she is working... should I go on?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that people who do not have kids think staying at home with child is not WORK? Do they really think we are sitting on our butts eating bon bons being fanned by a greek god while our children play in the wild flower fields unsupervised and a magical fairy cleans our homes? COME ON PEOPLE.

Yes I work. I clean house, vaccum, pick up toys, wipe butts, cook, do laundry, run errands, walk dogs and chase around a wiley 13 month old. If you think none of the tasks I perform are "work" please come trade off with me for a day. I would love the vacation. My back would love the rest.

I am not against working mothers or stay at home mothers. We are all moms and work as far as I am concerned. I do think that the physical labor I have to deal with 16 plus hours a day is a bit more strenuous than my non-parenting friends experience while sitting at their desk surfing the internet for deals on shoes or while taking two hour lunches to Ollazo's in Bethesda, then stopping at Starbuck's.

So yes, I am working ladies. And my job is much more difficult than yours is. You do not leave work to go pick up kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them, get them to bed either. You leave work for happy hour (which is great, I would too if I didn't have to continue "working").

So please do not ever ask me again if I am "working" yet. I never stopped working. My job description just changed.

ps. baby is napping so I am on my ten minute break before I get off my butt and continue to work.

Thanks for letting me rant.

I agree that staying home is very difficult. However let us stop with the "my job is more difficult than yours".

I do everything that you do plus I work outside the house I leave work to go pick up kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed. I do it after I have had a full day of work where I constantly worry that I have done as much work as I can, so I can leave early to go pick up the kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed. I do not take two hour lunches in Bethesda and stop at Starbucks. I stay at my desk with my sandwich and work at the same time so I can leave early to go pick up the kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed.

Get it ???

Gear down, madame. She said her job is harder than her friends who aren't parents. You misread. Back to your corners, everyone.

Nah - I have to agree. We need to stop with the "my life is harder" nonsense. Before you had kids did you spend the day surfing the web and have 2 hour lunches and starbucks? I didn't. And I don't know any working woman who does. Maybe this is why some people become Moms and then say their friends don't want to hang out with them anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I agree that staying home is very difficult. However let us stop with the "my job is more difficult than yours".

I do everything that you do plus I work outside the house

I agree that both WOHMs and SAHMs have difficult jobs, and we should not get into arguments over who has the more difficult job. I feel compelled to point out just for the sake of logic, however (call me a stickler, LOL), that unless this PP is magic and can be in two places at once , she does not in fact "do everything that [the SAHM does]" plus work outside the home. By definition, she does not do what the SAHM does during all the hours while she is at work and the SAHM is at home. Both jobs are difficult, but let's not pretend that the WOHM does two jobs, because it just isn't so. The SAHM works taking care of her children days and evenings (for the sake of clarity, I'm ignoring fathers, but I would hope all fathers are helping in the evenings), and the WOHM works at her paying job days and taking care of children evenings. She is paying someone else to take care of her children while she works. Again, please do not misunderstand--this is not meant to belittle either WOHMs or SAHMs. I just like logic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that people who do not have kids think staying at home with child is not WORK? Do they really think we are sitting on our butts eating bon bons being fanned by a greek god while our children play in the wild flower fields unsupervised and a magical fairy cleans our homes? COME ON PEOPLE.

Yes I work. I clean house, vaccum, pick up toys, wipe butts, cook, do laundry, run errands, walk dogs and chase around a wiley 13 month old. If you think none of the tasks I perform are "work" please come trade off with me for a day. I would love the vacation. My back would love the rest.

I am not against working mothers or stay at home mothers. We are all moms and work as far as I am concerned. I do think that the physical labor I have to deal with 16 plus hours a day is a bit more strenuous than my non-parenting friends experience while sitting at their desk surfing the internet for deals on shoes or while taking two hour lunches to Ollazo's in Bethesda, then stopping at Starbuck's.

So yes, I am working ladies. And my job is much more difficult than yours is. You do not leave work to go pick up kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them, get them to bed either. You leave work for happy hour (which is great, I would too if I didn't have to continue "working").

So please do not ever ask me again if I am "working" yet. I never stopped working. My job description just changed.

ps. baby is napping so I am on my ten minute break before I get off my butt and continue to work.

Thanks for letting me rant.

I agree that staying home is very difficult. However let us stop with the "my job is more difficult than yours".

I do everything that you do plus I work outside the house I leave work to go pick up kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed. I do it after I have had a full day of work where I constantly worry that I have done as much work as I can, so I can leave early to go pick up the kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed. I do not take two hour lunches in Bethesda and stop at Starbucks. I stay at my desk with my sandwich and work at the same time so I can leave early to go pick up the kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed.

Get it ???

Gear down, madame. She said her job is harder than her friends who aren't parents. You misread. Back to your corners, everyone.

Nah - I have to agree. We need to stop with the "my life is harder" nonsense. Before you had kids did you spend the day surfing the web and have 2 hour lunches and starbucks? I didn't. And I don't know any working woman who does. Maybe this is why some people become Moms and then say their friends don't want to hang out with them anymore.

Yikes, I did. I guess I was lazier than I thought!

[Anonymous]

When I had my son I could not WAIT to quit my job and SAH. I've been working non-stop since I was 14 and even held 2 jobs at one point in time. It was really exhausting. I can honestly say taht SAH (for me) was much easier than going into work and dealing with a bunch of a-holes. Before my DS was born I was pulling 10-11hr days and would be mentally fried. After DS was born, I worked out every day at the gym (they have a nursery) read at least 1-2 books a week while nursing/nap-time, cooked foods I never had the time to learn how to cook, and met a network of mom friends who I will probably grow old with. I actually referred to SAH as my "retirement".

Now that DS is 2.5 and loves to be around other kids, I decided to put him in DC and go back to work PT. I'm very happy witht his arrangement and have the best of both worlds. I was never offended by the "work" question. When someone asked "where do you work?" I always replied no-where, I'm a SAHM. I don't know why people are so worked up over that question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I agree that staying home is very difficult. However let us stop with the "my job is more difficult than yours".

I do everything that you do plus I work outside the house

I agree that both WOHMs and SAHMs have difficult jobs, and we should not get into arguments over who has the more difficult job. I feel compelled to point out just for the sake of logic, however (call me a stickler, LOL), that unless this PP is magic and can be in two places at once , she does not in fact "do everything that [the SAHM does]" plus work outside the home. By definition, she does not do what the SAHM does during all the hours while she is at work and the SAHM is at home. Both jobs are difficult, but let's not pretend that the WOHM does two jobs, because it just isn't so. The SAHM works taking care of her children days and evenings (for the sake of clarity, I'm ignoring fathers, but I would hope all fathers are helping in the evenings), and the WOHM works at her paying job days and taking care of children evenings. She is paying someone else to take care of her children while she works. Again, please do not misunderstand--this is not meant to belittle either WOHMs or SAHMs. I just like logic!

I think the bottom line is that all parents -- whether they work outside the home or not -- work 24/7. We should all respect that.

[Anonymous]

PP 15:00. Just curious but how soon were you able to do all of those things after your DS was born? I am a SAHM with a six-week old DD and I feel that if I get in a shower, a walk and pay some bills I've accomplished a lot! Just wondering if my DD is fussier than most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that people who do not have kids think staying at home with child is not WORK? Do they really think we are sitting on our butts eating bon bons being fanned by a greek god while our children play in the wild flower fields unsupervised and a magical fairy cleans our homes? COME ON PEOPLE.

Yes I work. I clean house, vaccum, pick up toys, wipe butts, cook, do laundry, run errands, walk dogs and chase around a wiley 13 month old. If you think none of the tasks I perform are "work" please come trade off with me for a day. I would love the vacation. My back would love the rest.

I am not against working mothers or stay at home mothers. We are all moms and work as far as I am concerned. I do think that the physical labor I have to deal with 16 plus hours a day is a bit more strenuous than my non-parenting friends experience while sitting at their desk surfing the internet for deals on shoes or while taking two hour lunches to Ollazo's in Bethesda, then stopping at Starbuck's.

So yes, I am working ladies. And my job is much more difficult than yours is. You do not leave work to go pick up kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them, get them to bed either. You leave work for happy hour (which is great, I would too if I didn't have to continue "working").

So please do not ever ask me again if I am "working" yet. I never stopped working. My job description just changed.

ps. baby is napping so I am on my ten minute break before I get off my butt and continue to work.

Thanks for letting me rant.

I agree that staying home is very difficult. However let us stop with the "my job is more difficult than yours".

I do everything that you do plus I work outside the house I leave work to go pick up kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed. I do it after I have had a full day of work where I constantly worry that I have done as much work as I can, so I can leave early to go pick up the kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed. I do not take two hour lunches in Bethesda and stop at Starbucks. I stay at my desk with my sandwich and work at the same time so I can leave early to go pick up the kids, make them dinner, clean up after them, bath them and get them to bed.

Get it ???

OP here. If you read my rant it was about women who did not have kids. No where did I say anything about a working mother not having a hard job. Please re-read my post as I was not attacking working moms. I was ONLY talking about my single, childless friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I understand the OP's frustration, it sounds like an innocent question to me. We all understand what they mean and know that "work" is generally understood to mean some form of employment. I am sure we have all referred to a SAHM friend as "a friend of mine who doesn't work". It does not mean we are belittling the "work" she does at home, we are merely using a word that that usually means employment. I think OP is reading too much into the question. If she feels so strongly, she could possibly enlighten her childless friends by telling them that she does consider herself employed or "working" as she raises her kids and looks after her home. I really would not take offense at that and I stayed home when DC were small.

Agreed. Think of a serious full-time law student who studies hard around the clock. They are not lounging around eating bon bons but if you asked if they had returned to work yet the answer would be no -- and it would not be considered a judging question.

OP here again. Now I know how these threads go off on tangents. My friends were not asking an innocent question. They ask this all the time and are disgusted I am at home and not working.

Also, I was very specifically comaring my day to their day. Not to law students, not to other working out of the house moms and not to anyone else but the ladies who asked me the question. It was my rant. I was not berating anyone, I was not trying to cause a stir. I was venting that these ladies do not feel I am worthy any longer as I am at home with child "doing nothing".

Sorry if what I wrote offended anyone or if you feel you need to defend yourself but this was not meant to go that far. I do work. I work very hard. I would love to be back behind a desk and I will someday but for now this is my job. And it is physically, emotionally draining and not all fun and giggles like some people I know think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP 15:00. Just curious but how soon were you able to do all of those things after your DS was born? I am a SAHM with a six-week old DD and I feel that if I get in a shower, a walk and pay some bills I've accomplished a lot! Just wondering if my DD is fussier than most.

You're doing great for having a 6 week old! Don't push yourself. I think my first daughter was 8 weeks old before I did more than feed and shower every day! Just do the best you can to make yourself and your baby happy. Don't compare yourself to anyone!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP 15:00. Just curious but how soon were you able to do all of those things after your DS was born? I am a SAHM with a six-week old DD and I feel that if I get in a shower, a walk and pay some bills I've accomplished a lot! Just wondering if my DD is fussier than most.

Well the book reading started right away. Really they spend SO much time nursing and the TV shows were just so boring that I always read books. My son was happy because normally he fell asleep in my arms and I would be so into my book, I did not want to move. Admittedly, I would get annoyed when he would wake up from naps and interrupt my reading time! I did not start in at the gym until DS was 3mos old (that is the youngest they would allow) most moms I know were HORRIFIED that I left my baby at the gym nursery for 45min. Nothing bad happened and the old ladies that worked there loved holding and fawning over the baby. I'm not paranoid to leave DS with other people than myself and took FULL advantage of offeres of help from friends and family. Its just absurd to try to do everything on your own when there are ready and willing people around who want to help out.

Basically the nursing was REALLY hard for the 1st 3 months and that was what really go to me. Other than that, I did not get wrapped around martrdom, negativity, and complaining and I ESPECIALLY did not read a bunch of "parenting" and "sleep" books that lead to nothing, but panic and feelings of inadequacy.

I also try to remain organized. If I did not keep myself organized and spent too much time in front of the TV, computer, or delayed a shower or something that needed to get done, it totally screws up my day.

6 weeks is really early to try to feel on top of it. You are really just getting to know your baby right now, don't be hard on yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I understand the OP's frustration, it sounds like an innocent question to me. We all understand what they mean and know that "work" is generally understood to mean some form of employment. I am sure we have all referred to a SAHM friend as "a friend of mine who doesn't work". It does not mean we are belittling the "work" she does at home, we are merely using a word that that usually means employment. I think OP is reading too much into the question. If she feels so strongly, she could possibly enlighten her childless friends by telling them that she does consider herself employed or "working" as she raises her kids and looks after her home. I really would not take offense at that and I stayed home when DC were small.

Agreed. Think of a serious full-time law student who studies hard around the clock. They are not lounging around eating bon bons but if you asked if they had returned to work yet the answer would be no -- and it would not be considered a judging question.

OP here again. Now I know how these threads go off on tangents. My friends were not asking an innocent question. They ask this all the time and are disgusted I am at home and not working.

Also, I was very specifically comaring my day to their day. Not to law students, not to other working out of the house moms and not to anyone else but the ladies who asked me the question. It was my rant. I was not berating anyone, I was not trying to cause a stir. I was venting that these ladies do not feel I am worthy any longer as I am at home with child "doing nothing".

Sorry if what I wrote offended anyone or if you feel you need to defend yourself but this was not meant to go that far. I do work. I work very hard. I would love to be back behind a desk and I will someday but for now this is my job. And it is physically, emotionally draining and not all fun and giggles like some people I know think.

You may have closed-minded friends, but understand that some posters were merely pointing out that the "are you working yet?" language on its own --without any subtext-- can be an innocent question. If your friends are judgemental about yur decision that is a shame and another issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I did not start in at the gym until DS was 3mos old (that is the youngest they would allow) most moms I know were HORRIFIED that I left my baby at the gym nursery for 45min. Nothing bad happened and the old ladies that worked there loved holding and fawning over the baby. I'm not paranoid to leave DS with other people than myself and took FULL advantage of offeres of help from friends and family. Its just absurd to try to do everything on your own when there are ready and willing people around who want to help out.

Fantastic! My dd was so fussy as a baby I couldn't have left her in the daycare without driving the staff crazy. Fortunately she settled down at 5 or 6 months. But for the first few months, DH and I (we were academics and could trade off days at home) spent our days at home walking around with her. Glad it is working out for you PP!