"Are You Working Yet?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I did not start in at the gym until DS was 3mos old (that is the youngest they would allow) most moms I know were HORRIFIED that I left my baby at the gym nursery for 45min. Nothing bad happened and the old ladies that worked there loved holding and fawning over the baby. I'm not paranoid to leave DS with other people than myself and took FULL advantage of offeres of help from friends and family. Its just absurd to try to do everything on your own when there are ready and willing people around who want to help out.

Fantastic! My dd was so fussy as a baby I couldn't have left her in the daycare without driving the staff crazy. Fortunately she settled down at 5 or 6 months. But for the first few months, DH and I (we were academics and could trade off days at home) spent our days at home walking around with her. Glad it is working out for you PP!

That's a TOTALLY different story. My son was exremely mild mannered. Only cried if he wanted something and was quickly appeased. I always say that my 2nd will take me for a wild ride that I won't know how to handle.

[Anonymous]

Just on a side note. Language is quite important in how we perceive things. I find it a little disturbing when people call child rearing 'work'. It's not work. It's something you enjoy. I'm not saying it's a breeze or it's easy...but it's definitely not work. Once you get out of that mentality, you will enjoy every minute of being with your little one and and just be in the moment of hanging out with them...and being there for all it's crying, ups and downs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Now I know how these threads go off on tangents. My friends were not asking an innocent question. They ask this all the time and are disgusted I am at home and not working.

Your original message didn't make this clear at all. If you are sure they are implying (or they are actually saying) that you *should* be working outside the home because your at-home work is less valuable, that is a different story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:While I understand the OP's frustration, it sounds like an innocent question to me. We all understand what they mean and know that "work" is generally understood to mean some form of employment. I am sure we have all referred to a SAHM friend as "a friend of mine who doesn't work". It does not mean we are belittling the "work" she does at home, we are merely using a word that that usually means employment. I think OP is reading too much into the question. If she feels so strongly, she could possibly enlighten her childless friends by telling them that she does consider herself employed or "working" as she raises her kids and looks after her home. I really would not take offense at that and I stayed home when DC were small.

Agreed. Think of a serious full-time law student who studies hard around the clock. They are not lounging around eating bon bons but if you asked if they had returned to work yet the answer would be no -- and it would not be considered a judging question.

OP here again. Now I know how these threads go off on tangents. My friends were not asking an innocent question. They ask this all the time and are disgusted I am at home and not working.

Also, I was very specifically comaring my day to their day. Not to law students, not to other working out of the house moms and not to anyone else but the ladies who asked me the question. It was my rant. I was not berating anyone, I was not trying to cause a stir. I was venting that these ladies do not feel I am worthy any longer as I am at home with child "doing nothing".

Sorry if what I wrote offended anyone or if you feel you need to defend yourself but this was not meant to go that far. I do work. I work very hard. I would love to be back behind a desk and I will someday but for now this is my job. And it is physically, emotionally draining and not all fun and giggles like some people I know think.

What exactly in my post led you to the conclusion that I am offended or that I need to defend myself? Defend what exactly? As I said I stayed home too when DC were small but I would not have been offended if I had been asked such a question. I was merely giving you a different perspective and did not realise that you were referring to a specific set of friends who are disgusted by your decisioon to stay home with your baby. I am sorry I misundersdtood you. I wothdraw my comment.

[Anonymous]

One of these days, I'm sure someone will rant at being called a stay-at-home-mom, which implies that they are at home all the time. She will rant that she in fact leaves the house to take her kids to the pediatrician, pick up the dry cleaning, grocery shop, and all the endless activities that take place outside of the house.

I think we should take a proactive approach here and come up with a new label. WATMOHWP (work-all-the time-mom-out-of-the house-without-pay). Sorry - maybe this should go in the dcum farace thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. Now I know how these threads go off on tangents. My friends were not asking an innocent question. They ask this all the time and are disgusted I am at home and not working.

Your original message didn't make this clear at all. If you are sure they are implying (or they are actually saying) that you *should* be working outside the home because your at-home work is less valuable, that is a different story.

OP again, I was just generally saying I did not mean to offend anyone. I really respect all mothers. Working, SAH, Single, Divorced. I love child rearing but at times it is work. As it cleaning and keeping a life.

To expand on my rant, my friends think it is beneath any woman to stay home with kids and clean a house. I hope they marry wealthy so they can afford a nanny and housekeeper. I could go on and on about their rude, obnoxcious comments to me. I work my ass off. I work 24 hours a day. I relish my time with the baby but also miss my old life. I do not need "friends" making me feel bad for staying home.

Again, I did not mean to offend anyone and I was not trying to start a post on a generic topic. What I was ranting about was/is and very personal issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: To expand on my rant, my friends think it is beneath any woman to stay home with kids and clean a house. I hope they marry wealthy so they can afford a nanny and housekeeper.

Anyone else offended by the implication that a working (outside the home) mother can't be successful enough to afford a nanny wihout marrying rich??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just on a side note. Language is quite important in how we perceive things. I find it a little disturbing when people call child rearing 'work'. It's not work. It's something you enjoy. I'm not saying it's a breeze or it's easy...but it's definitely not work. Once you get out of that mentality, you will enjoy every minute of being with your little one and and just be in the moment of hanging out with them...and being there for all it's crying, ups and downs.

This is a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just on a side note. Language is quite important in how we perceive things. I find it a little disturbing when people call child rearing 'work'. It's not work. It's something you enjoy. I'm not saying it's a breeze or it's easy...but it's definitely not work. Once you get out of that mentality, you will enjoy every minute of being with your little one and and just be in the moment of hanging out with them...and being there for all it's crying, ups and downs.

This is a joke, right?

I did not write it, but it makes sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just on a side note. Language is quite important in how we perceive things. I find it a little disturbing when people call child rearing 'work'. It's not work. It's something you enjoy. I'm not saying it's a breeze or it's easy...but it's definitely not work. Once you get out of that mentality, you will enjoy every minute of being with your little one and and just be in the moment of hanging out with them...and being there for all it's crying, ups and downs.

This is a joke, right?

I did not write it, but it makes sense to me.

Ditto. It's work in the same way that marriage is work. It takes great effort but it exists to be a joy!

[Anonymous]

Nah - I have to agree. We need to stop with the "my life is harder" nonsense. Before you had kids did you spend the day surfing the web and have 2 hour lunches and starbucks? I didn't. And I don't know any working woman who does. Maybe this is why some people become Moms and then say their friends don't want to hang out with them anymore.

-- Hell, yes I did!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP 15:00. Just curious but how soon were you able to do all of those things after your DS was born? I am a SAHM with a six-week old DD and I feel that if I get in a shower, a walk and pay some bills I've accomplished a lot! Just wondering if my DD is fussier than most.

Well the book reading started right away. Really they spend SO much time nursing and the TV shows were just so boring that I always read books. My son was happy because normally he fell asleep in my arms and I would be so into my book, I did not want to move. Admittedly, I would get annoyed when he would wake up from naps and interrupt my reading time! I did not start in at the gym until DS was 3mos old (that is the youngest they would allow) most moms I know were HORRIFIED that I left my baby at the gym nursery for 45min. Nothing bad happened and the old ladies that worked there loved holding and fawning over the baby. I'm not paranoid to leave DS with other people than myself and took FULL advantage of offeres of help from friends and family. Its just absurd to try to do everything on your own when there are ready and willing people around who want to help out.

Basically the nursing was REALLY hard for the 1st 3 months and that was what really go to me. Other than that, I did not get wrapped around martrdom, negativity, and complaining and I ESPECIALLY did not read a bunch of "parenting" and "sleep" books that lead to nothing, but panic and feelings of inadequacy.

I also try to remain organized. If I did not keep myself organized and spent too much time in front of the TV, computer, or delayed a shower or something that needed to get done, it totally screws up my day.

6 weeks is really early to try to feel on top of it. You are really just getting to know your baby right now, don't be hard on yourself

Oh to be able to READ while nursing a baby!

Truly, consider yourself fortuante. I have never been able to do it without using 2 hands -- one to hold the baby and one to hold back my way-too-big breast (so as not to suffocate the baby. Every once in a while, I'd sit up in bed to nurse and spread the New York Times in front of me and just try to lean over far enough to read a paragraph. Never got very far. And back in those days, I refused to turn on the television because I didn't want my baby to hear a lot of noise. Boy was I stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just on a side note. Language is quite important in how we perceive things. I find it a little disturbing when people call child rearing 'work'. It's not work. It's something you enjoy. I'm not saying it's a breeze or it's easy...but it's definitely not work. Once you get out of that mentality, you will enjoy every minute of being with your little one and and just be in the moment of hanging out with them...and being there for all it's crying, ups and downs.

I am the author of this post. No it's not a joke. I'm being dead serious. I try very hard not to use the word "work" when conveying or thinking of what I am doing with my little one. As soon as you begin to think of it as such, it becomes work. I personally don't like work.
I see child rearing for what it is...time spend trying to have fun and getting know my little one.

I'm sorry if you missed my point and think i'm not being serious.

[Anonymous]

Well the book reading started right away. Really they spend SO much time nursing and the TV shows were just so boring that I always read books. My son was happy because normally he fell asleep in my arms and I would be so into my book, I did not want to move. Admittedly, I would get annoyed when he would wake up from naps and interrupt my reading time! I did not start in at the gym until DS was 3mos old (that is the youngest they would allow) most moms I know were HORRIFIED that I left my baby at the gym nursery for 45min. Nothing bad happened and the old ladies that worked there loved holding and fawning over the baby. I'm not paranoid to leave DS with other people than myself and took FULL advantage of offeres of help from friends and family. Its just absurd to try to do everything on your own when there are ready and willing people around who want to help out.

Basically the nursing was REALLY hard for the 1st 3 months and that was what really go to me. Other than that, I did not get wrapped around martrdom, negativity, and complaining and I ESPECIALLY did not read a bunch of "parenting" and "sleep" books that lead to nothing, but panic and feelings of inadequacy.

I also try to remain organized. If I did not keep myself organized and spent too much time in front of the TV, computer, or delayed a shower or something that needed to get done, it totally screws up my day.

6 weeks is really early to try to feel on top of it. You are really just getting to know your baby right now, don't be hard on yourself

Thanks for the info PP! I am the one who asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: To expand on my rant, my friends think it is beneath any woman to stay home with kids and clean a house. I hope they marry wealthy so they can afford a nanny and housekeeper.

Anyone else offended by the implication that a working (outside the home) mother can't be successful enough to afford a nanny wihout marrying rich??

No, because it's more reasonable in context. I'm assuming OP knows the general range of earning power these specific "friends" and co-workers have.