I hate hosting families with 3 or more kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get it. Do you never allow your kid to have more than 2 friends over?

She’s saying that’s fine but having 3 kids from the same family over at the same time is chaotic.

I have 3 kids and can understand why this could be the case

I have 3 kids and they are almost never at the same house at the same time. They aren’t the same ages as other families we know so it would be a bad mix of kids. Only the kid or kids who are friends with host kids would go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread because I can just feel the anxiety rise when I enter with all my boys. The utter chaos and physicality just causes some peoples blood pressure to visibly rise. I watch those folks chasing anxiously after their own child and think, Jesus, what’s the worst that can happen if he goes screaming down the hallway.

When you are outnumbered, your ability to control goes way down. That lack of control over your children allows more space for simply joy. It’s really fun to scream and yell and then they tire each other out and go to bed! I am enjoying my kids childhoods and find that I am way less stressed than parents of fewer children who have a much stronger need to feel they are doing everything right.

I have an only and I never go anxiously chasing after my kid because it is totally unnecessary. She's very trustworthy and independent and I know she'll check in with us before doing something risky or new.

Big families stress me out when they come over because their kids aren't like that. There's always at least one kid who will do something crazy that I cannot imagine my kid ever doing even in our own home much less in someone else's home, without even asking. Like moving furniture, going through drawers, trying to climb things that my kid would know not to climb.

I also don't think it's fun to scream and yell. I have tons of fun as a parent but I don't like screaming. People like that??? I taught my kid not to scream because it hurts people's ears and feels stressful. Do your kids also scream and yell in restaurants and movie theaters and at school? Cool.

You clearly have a girl and she colors a lot I bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread because I can just feel the anxiety rise when I enter with all my boys. The utter chaos and physicality just causes some peoples blood pressure to visibly rise. I watch those folks chasing anxiously after their own child and think, Jesus, what’s the worst that can happen if he goes screaming down the hallway.

When you are outnumbered, your ability to control goes way down. That lack of control over your children allows more space for simply joy. It’s really fun to scream and yell and then they tire each other out and go to bed! I am enjoying my kids childhoods and find that I am way less stressed than parents of fewer children who have a much stronger need to feel they are doing everything right.

I have an only and I never go anxiously chasing after my kid because it is totally unnecessary. She's very trustworthy and independent and I know she'll check in with us before doing something risky or new.

Big families stress me out when they come over because their kids aren't like that. There's always at least one kid who will do something crazy that I cannot imagine my kid ever doing even in our own home much less in someone else's home, without even asking. Like moving furniture, going through drawers, trying to climb things that my kid would know not to climb.

I also don't think it's fun to scream and yell. I have tons of fun as a parent but I don't like screaming. People like that??? I taught my kid not to scream because it hurts people's ears and feels stressful. Do your kids also scream and yell in restaurants and movie theaters and at school? Cool.

I have 3 kids and when it’s just one kid at a time the don’t do any of that either. Being around other kids completely changes the dynamic. Kind of like how your daughter might behave differently at school than she does at home when she doesn’t have the full attention of adults and never has to worry about sharing, or getting the last cookie, or getting served first, or any of the other stressors that come from having siblings.

[Anonymous]

I dislike hosting families, prefer couples. If I must then prefer families with 1 or 2 kids, 3-4 if i have to add them, any more and I do resent them. They provide less adult conversation and create more cleaning. Making food isn't a problem for me but shortage of space is.

[Anonymous]

I prefer kids who are my children's age and get along with them.

[Anonymous]

If you have space for 12 people, families of several kids mess up desired adult to kid ratio.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread because I can just feel the anxiety rise when I enter with all my boys. The utter chaos and physicality just causes some peoples blood pressure to visibly rise. I watch those folks chasing anxiously after their own child and think, Jesus, what’s the worst that can happen if he goes screaming down the hallway.

When you are outnumbered, your ability to control goes way down. That lack of control over your children allows more space for simply joy. It’s really fun to scream and yell and then they tire each other out and go to bed! I am enjoying my kids childhoods and find that I am way less stressed than parents of fewer children who have a much stronger need to feel they are doing everything right.

I have an only and I never go anxiously chasing after my kid because it is totally unnecessary. She's very trustworthy and independent and I know she'll check in with us before doing something risky or new.

Big families stress me out when they come over because their kids aren't like that. There's always at least one kid who will do something crazy that I cannot imagine my kid ever doing even in our own home much less in someone else's home, without even asking. Like moving furniture, going through drawers, trying to climb things that my kid would know not to climb.

I also don't think it's fun to scream and yell. I have tons of fun as a parent but I don't like screaming. People like that??? I taught my kid not to scream because it hurts people's ears and feels stressful. Do your kids also scream and yell in restaurants and movie theaters and at school? Cool.

You have one risk averse girl and you like quiet. There is nothing wrong with the loud and rambunctious boys or their parents. It is just different, and you just don't get it and never will. What do you do with your quiet, risk averse daughter that is "tons of fun"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike hosting families, prefer couples. If I must then prefer families with 1 or 2 kids, 3-4 if i have to add them, any more and I do resent them. They provide less adult conversation and create more cleaning. Making food isn't a problem for me but shortage of space is.

So the problem is your small house, not the number of children....you resent the children guests? You shouldn't host.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the ages and specific families and kids/parents, obviously, but I find that parents of 3+ young-ish kids (say, elementary and under) think it's cool/fine to just declare defeat on any standards of control or manners in public settings or others' homes in the name of their many children. Like they wear their family size as a badge of honor or status symbol and it's a get out of jail free card for poor behavior and it's on the rest of us for "only" having 1 or 2 kids and managing them reasonably well.

Good for them and I'm sure they'll find their people (likely with the other bigger-family chaos crews), but if they're destroying my house and causing chaos while their peers are within bounds, they may not be on the next invite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the ages and specific families and kids/parents, obviously, but I find that parents of 3+ young-ish kids (say, elementary and under) think it's cool/fine to just declare defeat on any standards of control or manners in public settings or others' homes in the name of their many children. Like they wear their family size as a badge of honor or status symbol and it's a get out of jail free card for poor behavior and it's on the rest of us for "only" having 1 or 2 kids and managing them reasonably well.

Good for them and I'm sure they'll find their people (likely with the other bigger-family chaos crews), but if they're destroying my house and causing chaos while their peers are within bounds, they may not be on the next invite.

This. See the PP who lets her kids scream and yell in other people's homes and thinks this is the joy of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread because I can just feel the anxiety rise when I enter with all my boys. The utter chaos and physicality just causes some peoples blood pressure to visibly rise. I watch those folks chasing anxiously after their own child and think, Jesus, what’s the worst that can happen if he goes screaming down the hallway.

When you are outnumbered, your ability to control goes way down. That lack of control over your children allows more space for simply joy. It’s really fun to scream and yell and then they tire each other out and go to bed! I am enjoying my kids childhoods and find that I am way less stressed than parents of fewer children who have a much stronger need to feel they are doing everything right.

I have an only and I never go anxiously chasing after my kid because it is totally unnecessary. She's very trustworthy and independent and I know she'll check in with us before doing something risky or new.

Big families stress me out when they come over because their kids aren't like that. There's always at least one kid who will do something crazy that I cannot imagine my kid ever doing even in our own home much less in someone else's home, without even asking. Like moving furniture, going through drawers, trying to climb things that my kid would know not to climb.

I also don't think it's fun to scream and yell. I have tons of fun as a parent but I don't like screaming. People like that??? I taught my kid not to scream because it hurts people's ears and feels stressful. Do your kids also scream and yell in restaurants and movie theaters and at school? Cool.

You have one risk averse girl and you like quiet. There is nothing wrong with the loud and rambunctious boys or their parents. It is just different, and you just don't get it and never will. What do you do with your quiet, risk averse daughter that is "tons of fun"?

There is something wrong when parents don't teach kids that you can't be rambunctious everywhere.

My well behaved (not quiet, just to screaming) only and I do stuff like build first, climb trees, make up dances, watch movies, sing and play music, go hiking. Lots of fun, no screaming. She also knows when she's in someone else's house, she needs to be on best behavior and ask before doing things like moving or climbing on furniture, writing on surfaces, etc.

Some of you are confusing manners with being boring or no fun. This explains a lot about how people behave in public.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dislike hosting families, prefer couples. If I must then prefer families with 1 or 2 kids, 3-4 if i have to add them, any more and I do resent them. They provide less adult conversation and create more cleaning. Making food isn't a problem for me but shortage of space is.

Stop inviting families over. What’s the point? Their kids aren’t friends with yours. See the parents without kids around.

[Anonymous]

I have three kids and get it. It’s not even a function of parenting. It’s just three siblings in the same space are going to naturally have more interactions. And there’s only two parents. In my marriage, it’s really like 1.5 parents (me and my husband, the sous chef.) my home is set up for my kids, and it’s fairly simple for me to supervise and manage them here, but at others peoples houses, it’s less in my control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the ages and specific families and kids/parents, obviously, but I find that parents of 3+ young-ish kids (say, elementary and under) think it's cool/fine to just declare defeat on any standards of control or manners in public settings or others' homes in the name of their many children. Like they wear their family size as a badge of honor or status symbol and it's a get out of jail free card for poor behavior and it's on the rest of us for "only" having 1 or 2 kids and managing them reasonably well.

Good for them and I'm sure they'll find their people (likely with the other bigger-family chaos crews), but if they're destroying my house and causing chaos while their peers are within bounds, they may not be on the next invite.

It's this.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a family with 6 brothers and 1 sister, and we all knew how to behave when we went to someone’s home. No one was running down a hallway screaming. If kids wanted to play, they’d go outside, or, they’d play quietly inside, because we knew how to be respectful, and didn’t want to embarrass our parents. When you have 3 kids, unless they are triplets, at least one of them will be old enough to keep the others in line. If kids are in a home breaking things, that is just poor parenting.