I hate hosting families with 3 or more kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love this thread because I can just feel the anxiety rise when I enter with all my boys. The utter chaos and physicality just causes some peoples blood pressure to visibly rise. I watch those folks chasing anxiously after their own child and think, Jesus, what’s the worst that can happen if he goes screaming down the hallway.

When you are outnumbered, your ability to control goes way down. That lack of control over your children allows more space for simply joy. It’s really fun to scream and yell and then they tire each other out and go to bed! I am enjoying my kids childhoods and find that I am way less stressed than parents of fewer children who have a much stronger need to feel they are doing everything right.

Whoa, this is fine in YOUR home but why on earth do you think this is OK in other peoples homes or public places? I get that you have no control over your kids but you’ve really got to rethink this when you are in someone else’s home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often are you hosting these families of 3+ kids. As a parent of one, it's shocking how often these big, busy families are available to come traumatize yours, so it seems maybe this post is just to stir the pot.

Agreed. I think OP should keep this as an internal thought and she should seek therapy. If this triggers you so much your life must be boring. There is more to life. Please get help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One reason families with less, well mannered and older kids get overwhelmed is because their homes aren't set up for chaos.

What is “a home set up for chaos”?

Baby proof AND bad mannered kid proof.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One reason families with less, well mannered and older kids get overwhelmed is because their homes aren't set up for chaos.

What is “a home set up for chaos”?

My former neighbor! Her family was nuts. Her boys were completely out of control. Her house was always trashed, not messy but full of broken things and damage. DS was friends with her older son who was the chill one and he ended up breaking something every time he came over. I put my foot down in my house and he learned behaved in my house. DS didn’t like going to his house because the brothers were so crazy. You could not invite these people over as a family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m an LDS mom from Nevada to twelve children, my eldest is 24 and the baby is 2, and I agree with you OP. 3+ kids and it’s chaos!

Do you feel like a broodmare?

[Anonymous]

I have what people on this board would consider an unseemly number of children. (And of course we know we don’t get invited over as a family to most people’s homes, though we do have many play dates and we host others constantly. It’s a ship that sailed once we got to three so it wasn’t a strong enough factor to stop having kids.) It was an only child who came over and broke our TV. Another only child who came over and bit everyone. I host only children, small families and big families all the time. I’ve done this enough to know when you need to send the whirlwind of kids outside or change their activity before things get wild. I don’t blame all families of only children for the damage those kids have done to my home or peace. The high and mighty us v them rhetoric here is laughable.

[Anonymous]

Also, in a larger family, a 7 year old is likely not biting kids anymore because they would’ve been attacked by their siblings enough times to beat that out of them by age 3. Some only child perhaps haven’t learned self-control in large groups where their needs and emotions aren’t automatically considered first. That could be why some small families are spiraling when their only child is hosting a group of other kids. Their own family dynamics are tilting and it demands more work from the parent. Just meet bigger families at the park. News flash! You already do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have what people on this board would consider an unseemly number of children. (And of course we know we don’t get invited over as a family to most people’s homes, though we do have many play dates and we host others constantly. It’s a ship that sailed once we got to three so it wasn’t a strong enough factor to stop having kids.) It was an only child who came over and broke our TV. Another only child who came over and bit everyone. I host only children, small families and big families all the time. I’ve done this enough to know when you need to send the whirlwind of kids outside or change their activity before things get wild. I don’t blame all families of only children for the damage those kids have done to my home or peace. The high and mighty us v them rhetoric here is laughable.

In my kids’ grade I’ve known of literally ONE family that had 3 kids - out of 32 families. They were there for one year. About half the class are only and the other half is 2 kids. In my neighborhood (on my street) exactly ZERO families have 3 kids. Needless to say, we don’t host families of 3 very often. My brother’s family has 3 - their house is a tiny chaotic but they’ve never brought the chaos with them - all 3 are lovely and play with my kids quietly and nicely. Their home is mostly neat and tidy. The chaos comes from all the activities and sports - someone is always running somewhere and needs to find or organize something.

[Anonymous]

I have four. It was chaotic when they were little, but that stopped once the youngest was about 5 or 6 years old. It doesn’t last forever!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have what people on this board would consider an unseemly number of children. (And of course we know we don’t get invited over as a family to most people’s homes, though we do have many play dates and we host others constantly. It’s a ship that sailed once we got to three so it wasn’t a strong enough factor to stop having kids.) It was an only child who came over and broke our TV. Another only child who came over and bit everyone. I host only children, small families and big families all the time. I’ve done this enough to know when you need to send the whirlwind of kids outside or change their activity before things get wild. I don’t blame all families of only children for the damage those kids have done to my home or peace. The high and mighty us v them rhetoric here is laughable.

In my kids’ grade I’ve known of literally ONE family that had 3 kids - out of 32 families. They were there for one year. About half the class are only and the other half is 2 kids. In my neighborhood (on my street) exactly ZERO families have 3 kids. Needless to say, we don’t host families of 3 very often. My brother’s family has 3 - their house is a tiny chaotic but they’ve never brought the chaos with them - all 3 are lovely and play with my kids quietly and nicely. Their home is mostly neat and tidy. The chaos comes from all the activities and sports - someone is always running somewhere and needs to find or organize something.

It’s unlikely that you know the family situation of every single kid in your child’s class. People may have older kids that they don’t bring to events, kids from previous relationships that they don’t have much custody of, etc.

[Anonymous]

I took my three kids (7 and under) to a large family seder last night and I overheard my spouses older relatives talking about how nicely behaved our kids were. We certainly have had our challenging moments (like any family) but it seems obnoxious to write off all three kid families because OP had one or two bad experiences or just personally doesn’t enjoy the added dynamics of more than 2 children.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have time to read this whole long thread, but I have 3 boys who behave perfectly in other people’s homes (as well as at school) and always have. They also have never been destructive in our own home. They have a lot of energy and play sports but they know how to act. They are now teens/tween and this has never been a problem. I don’t think they’ve ever stressed anyone out because we’ve always been invited repeatedly by our family friends, even those with fewer children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have what people on this board would consider an unseemly number of children. (And of course we know we don’t get invited over as a family to most people’s homes, though we do have many play dates and we host others constantly. It’s a ship that sailed once we got to three so it wasn’t a strong enough factor to stop having kids.) It was an only child who came over and broke our TV. Another only child who came over and bit everyone. I host only children, small families and big families all the time. I’ve done this enough to know when you need to send the whirlwind of kids outside or change their activity before things get wild. I don’t blame all families of only children for the damage those kids have done to my home or peace. The high and mighty us v them rhetoric here is laughable.

In my kids’ grade I’ve known of literally ONE family that had 3 kids - out of 32 families. They were there for one year. About half the class are only and the other half is 2 kids. In my neighborhood (on my street) exactly ZERO families have 3 kids. Needless to say, we don’t host families of 3 very often. My brother’s family has 3 - their house is a tiny chaotic but they’ve never brought the chaos with them - all 3 are lovely and play with my kids quietly and nicely. Their home is mostly neat and tidy. The chaos comes from all the activities and sports - someone is always running somewhere and needs to find or organize something.

That seems very unlikely unless it’s a lower income neighborhood/school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have what people on this board would consider an unseemly number of children. (And of course we know we don’t get invited over as a family to most people’s homes, though we do have many play dates and we host others constantly. It’s a ship that sailed once we got to three so it wasn’t a strong enough factor to stop having kids.) It was an only child who came over and broke our TV. Another only child who came over and bit everyone. I host only children, small families and big families all the time. I’ve done this enough to know when you need to send the whirlwind of kids outside or change their activity before things get wild. I don’t blame all families of only children for the damage those kids have done to my home or peace. The high and mighty us v them rhetoric here is laughable.

In my kids’ grade I’ve known of literally ONE family that had 3 kids - out of 32 families. They were there for one year. About half the class are only and the other half is 2 kids. In my neighborhood (on my street) exactly ZERO families have 3 kids. Needless to say, we don’t host families of 3 very often. My brother’s family has 3 - their house is a tiny chaotic but they’ve never brought the chaos with them - all 3 are lovely and play with my kids quietly and nicely. Their home is mostly neat and tidy. The chaos comes from all the activities and sports - someone is always running somewhere and needs to find or organize something.

That seems very unlikely unless it’s a lower income neighborhood/school.

Actually sounds more like NY or SF where high income families tend to have few kids. There are of course high income families with lots of kids, but they tend not to live in the middle of dense cities.

[Anonymous]

OP go back to parenting and stop posting nonsense. Maybe take a step back and focus on your own children/ child’s behavior when their friends are around. This isn’t about how many kids someone has, it’s about parenting style and what behavior is being allowed.
At this point, it feels like assumptions are being made instead of actually addressing the situation. This is about “types of parents” or personalities you attract into your life. In my orbit, there are families with three or more kids well-behaved. The types of families you are attracting to hang out with is reflection of your own personality.