Getting over affair where terrible things were said about you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thus was the nail in the coffin for my marriage. Honestly I think I could have lived with knowledge of the affair, but I absolutely could not get over the things he said about me. I left almost 2 years after discovery and have never been happier.

+1

I overheard a conversation where he was answering her questions about how fast he thought he could divorce me and reassuring her how she’s the best ever in bed. For me, there was no coming back from that. Eventually, he seemed to realize that maybe things weren’t so glorious with the AP and made some efforts towards reconciliation, but I’ll never touch him again. I can’t unhear that and I’m physically repulsed by him after hearing all the things he said, the complaints about how horrible I am, etc.

I’m not saying you have to follow my lead and divorce, only that it was an insurmountable obstacle for me personally. Maybe all you can do is give it time and reassess your feelings as you go? Your feelings are absolutely justified and that’s why you can’t make them go away, but maybe there are other things in the marriage that make it worth it to you to stay and all you can do is heal over time.

[Anonymous]

How do you know what he said about you? Did you read his texts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know what he said about you? Did you read his texts?

NP. Why does that matter and who cares in comparison to what he did?

[Anonymous]

You’re not in a good place.. Stop trying to convince yourself of that.

Divorce.

Those feelings, his actions and his words can’t be forgotten.

[Anonymous]

OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

[Anonymous]

I honestly don't know how you can "work on " a marriage so long. If it's been that long and still needs work it's out of warranty and needs to be replaced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

Well, her choice. This is why women are so frequently in physically and emotionally abusively relationships. They just want to foooooorgivvveee and wooorrrkkkk on it!

Good luck OP! He sounds like a catch and he’ll never do it again. Hope you know I’m kidding.

[Anonymous]

Op, you deserve to be happy. This is no way to live your best life, just divorce him. Someone that loves you, doesn’t hurt you like this.

[Anonymous]

You will never move forward until you are able to forgive

I think they fabricate lies to make the spouse the villain and it helps justify what they are doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband told his AP awful things about me and our marriage that I can’t un-know. It’s been over a year of working on the marriage since discovery and we are largely in a good place but those words haunt me. Any advice?

If you are staying married then you need to forgive, forget and move on. There is no point in keep torturing yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

You say "again" as if anyone didn't hear you the first time and as we have a responsibility to do a darn thing you say? We don't. You demand "show empathy" is coming from a place of arrogance and contempt anyway--you just want us to agree with your perspective and you obscure the nature of your opinion by calling it empathetic. No, it is just what you think and want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

Don't order us around with a dagger covered by a fake smile. If you think we are stupid just say so. Let contempt flag show freely.