Getting over affair where terrible things were said about you

[Anonymous]

OP may be what is known as a help rejecting complainer. They stay stuck in the narrative, unable to move on, feeling justified in their inability to let go of the injustice and unwilling to take any actual steps to feel better. https://www.reddit.com/r/AbuseInterrupted/comments/naqgn6/for_helprejecting_complainers_complaining_is_a/

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

DP. I don’t think it’s particularly supportive, kind, or good for the universe to provide OP advice on how she can stay in situation that is clearly awful.

I definitely dont think OP should, and in fact advised her to leave. But shaming her for "making another post" when OP is clearly attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation is really quite cruel and unhelpful. And yes, lacking in empathy.

I don’t know at all that she’s attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation. Seems just as likely she had a bad couple days with her DH or her memories and needs a quick dopamine hit from the internet.

That seems like a deeply uncharitable and harsh interpretation of OP's post. You may try to unpack why you have such a hostile reaction to a woman seeking advice on an advice forum.

No.

Suit yourself, and continue alienating yourself and making yourself look bad. Your karma/life experiences will be your reward.

Are you OP? I can’t imagine anyone else having such a strong reaction.

No I'm not. Are you the AP? I cant imagine anyone else acting like such a jerk

Really? Sounds like you are not a critical thinker.

Why, because I used your same logic back on you? Maybe now you realize how silly you sound.

It’s too much effort to explain it to you since you are not a critical thinker.

Or because you lack self reflection, know you sound dumb and can barely string a sentence together.

All this because some of us noticed that OP is complaining yet again about the situation she refuses to change. Sounds personal to you.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

DP. I don’t think it’s particularly supportive, kind, or good for the universe to provide OP advice on how she can stay in situation that is clearly awful.

I definitely dont think OP should, and in fact advised her to leave. But shaming her for "making another post" when OP is clearly attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation is really quite cruel and unhelpful. And yes, lacking in empathy.

I don’t know at all that she’s attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation. Seems just as likely she had a bad couple days with her DH or her memories and needs a quick dopamine hit from the internet.

That seems like a deeply uncharitable and harsh interpretation of OP's post. You may try to unpack why you have such a hostile reaction to a woman seeking advice on an advice forum.

No.

Suit yourself, and continue alienating yourself and making yourself look bad. Your karma/life experiences will be your reward.

Are you OP? I can’t imagine anyone else having such a strong reaction.

No I'm not. Are you the AP? I cant imagine anyone else acting like such a jerk

Really? Sounds like you are not a critical thinker.

Why, because I used your same logic back on you? Maybe now you realize how silly you sound.

It’s too much effort to explain it to you since you are not a critical thinker.

Or because you lack self reflection, know you sound dumb and can barely string a sentence together.

All this because some of us noticed that OP is complaining yet again about the situation she refuses to change. Sounds personal to you.

Yeah and because you came into the thread hostile and nasty towards OP who is in a vulnerable situation. And you got called out- rightfully so!

[Anonymous]

Can you two losers who are fighting please take it somewhere else? Start a new thread and leave this one. You’re both being damned tedious.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

DP. I don’t think it’s particularly supportive, kind, or good for the universe to provide OP advice on how she can stay in situation that is clearly awful.

I definitely dont think OP should, and in fact advised her to leave. But shaming her for "making another post" when OP is clearly attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation is really quite cruel and unhelpful. And yes, lacking in empathy.

I don’t know at all that she’s attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation. Seems just as likely she had a bad couple days with her DH or her memories and needs a quick dopamine hit from the internet.

That seems like a deeply uncharitable and harsh interpretation of OP's post. You may try to unpack why you have such a hostile reaction to a woman seeking advice on an advice forum.

No.

Suit yourself, and continue alienating yourself and making yourself look bad. Your karma/life experiences will be your reward.

Are you OP? I can’t imagine anyone else having such a strong reaction.

No I'm not. Are you the AP? I cant imagine anyone else acting like such a jerk

Really? Sounds like you are not a critical thinker.

Why, because I used your same logic back on you? Maybe now you realize how silly you sound.

A statement starting with "you sound" never accomplishes anything on the internet. It is never followed by "well yes, you know more about me than I do myself, thanks for the education!"

Well considering it didnt start with that I'm not sure how that's relevant. Have you been drinking at all today?

Another way to say "you sound..."

Point stands...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you two losers who are fighting please take it somewhere else? Start a new thread and leave this one. You’re both being damned tedious.

Commands and insults...how righteous

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you two losers who are fighting please take it somewhere else? Start a new thread and leave this one. You’re both being damned tedious.

If all posters, including you, decided not to
1. Address other posters personally and make ad hominem judgments about them "you are...", "you sound..."
Or
2. Tell other posters what to do "stop...", "have some..."
then things would be fine. The issue is, when a poster is addressed specifically, they respond, and rightly so, then the poster who did the addressing is so so offended and shocked that they can't say what they want without consequences.

[Anonymous]

I'd make him write a letter of apology disclaiming the lies and publish it in the paper and send a copy to the OW.

[Anonymous]

Op dont listen to the losers in this board, many of them are divorced and cannot keep a husband. In the long term you will be able to forgive your husband and this terrible chapter behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op dont listen to the losers in this board, many of them are divorced and cannot keep a husband. In the long term you will be able to forgive your husband and this terrible chapter behind.

Loser = man who spoke so poorly of of his wife to his girlfriend. Being married to someone like that is the booby prize.

[Anonymous]

Op - how do you know what he said? I don't get it. Why/how would you know? How would anyone know privately between two people?

Haven't read the whole thread so maybe it is in there somewhere. Regardless, you should divorce a cheater. I don't know why you are wasting time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

DP. I don’t think it’s particularly supportive, kind, or good for the universe to provide OP advice on how she can stay in situation that is clearly awful.

I definitely dont think OP should, and in fact advised her to leave. But shaming her for "making another post" when OP is clearly attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation is really quite cruel and unhelpful. And yes, lacking in empathy.

I don’t know at all that she’s attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation. Seems just as likely she had a bad couple days with her DH or her memories and needs a quick dopamine hit from the internet.

That seems like a deeply uncharitable and harsh interpretation of OP's post. You may try to unpack why you have such a hostile reaction to a woman seeking advice on an advice forum.

No.

Suit yourself, and continue alienating yourself and making yourself look bad. Your karma/life experiences will be your reward.

Are you OP? I can’t imagine anyone else having such a strong reaction.

No I'm not. Are you the AP? I cant imagine anyone else acting like such a jerk

Really? Sounds like you are not a critical thinker.

Why, because I used your same logic back on you? Maybe now you realize how silly you sound.

A statement starting with "you sound" never accomplishes anything on the internet. It is never followed by "well yes, you know more about me than I do myself, thanks for the education!"

Well considering it didnt start with that I'm not sure how that's relevant. Have you been drinking at all today?

Another way to say "you sound..."

Point stands...

And? lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmmm. Affair I can forgive. Affair where a DH was saying awful things about me? Nope.

I am not sure if i could forgive an affair but I am completely sure I could not forgive people badmouthing me, let alone my husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you write about this over and over and over again, and I recognize your posts and story every time. Jeff even wrote about you being a lost soul. Why do you do this to yourself?

DP. Even if that's the case, maybe having a bit of sympathy would be wise? if she's making the same post repeatedly she's probably attempting to process things and make a wise choice, and still somewhat traumatized by what happens. Try some empathy- your life will improve, I promise.

These are both OP. At some point, womem need to take responsibility for their own happiness. You cannot tether yourself to someone who abused you horrifically and expect things to not haunt you. I am honestly sick of women doing this to themselves.

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/105/1176795.page#26549738

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/1138007.page

What's your point? And what about asking for advice from other women suggests OP is not "taking responsibility for their own happiness"? Sounds like OP is doing exactly that and trying to get her thoughts together regarding a massive betrayal and potential life change (divorce)

Again, please work on your own empathy. You being triggered by "women doing this to themselves" shouldnt be OP's problem.

DP. I don’t think it’s particularly supportive, kind, or good for the universe to provide OP advice on how she can stay in situation that is clearly awful.

I definitely dont think OP should, and in fact advised her to leave. But shaming her for "making another post" when OP is clearly attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation is really quite cruel and unhelpful. And yes, lacking in empathy.

I don’t know at all that she’s attempting to get some clarity and thinking through her situation. Seems just as likely she had a bad couple days with her DH or her memories and needs a quick dopamine hit from the internet.

That seems like a deeply uncharitable and harsh interpretation of OP's post. You may try to unpack why you have such a hostile reaction to a woman seeking advice on an advice forum.

No.

Suit yourself, and continue alienating yourself and making yourself look bad. Your karma/life experiences will be your reward.

Are you OP? I can’t imagine anyone else having such a strong reaction.

No I'm not. Are you the AP? I cant imagine anyone else acting like such a jerk

Really? Sounds like you are not a critical thinker.

Why, because I used your same logic back on you? Maybe now you realize how silly you sound.

A statement starting with "you sound" never accomplishes anything on the internet. It is never followed by "well yes, you know more about me than I do myself, thanks for the education!"

Well considering it didnt start with that I'm not sure how that's relevant. Have you been drinking at all today?

Another way to say "you sound..."

Point stands...

And? lol.

Yes...this is the appropriate response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m guessing you have kids, or good reasons for staying together. The lies he told were just to justify his bad behavior and make himself feel better about his mistakes. They aren’t true.

I am guessing she does not work and can’t face having to get a job