Complete Loss of Custody- Mom

[Anonymous]

My DHs friend just gained full custody.

Mom unenrolled the children from school without his consent. He went to pick them up on his next custody day and was told they no longer attended. He got an emergency order (not sure the exact wording) to put them into a different school, and every time it was mom’s turn to pick them up, she refused. They’d sit in the office until he could get them. So, another emergency order (?) where he got temporary full custody on the basis of abandonment. Turns out there were other documented instances where she couldn’t or wouldn’t take the kids on her scheduled days, so based on this pattern, he was awarded full custody. Visits now are at mom’s initiation and dad’s discretion

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Yeah, that's just a cope and a lie from men. Most men dont even seek out custody but will lie and tell everyone that their wife "stole their kids" because they dont want to seem like a jerk of a dad.The reality is the court system almost uniformly favors men

You know it's not. You're trotting out an old sexist trope.

When was the last time you were at a soccer game, pediatrcians office, tot lot, etc. It's about 60/40 women vs men. This isn't the 50s anymore, sweetie.

[Anonymous]

My sister "lost" custody because she didn't want it. My ex-bil filed for custody after she didn't show up for her time for many months in a row.

It isn't acceptable to say "I don't like being a mom" so she says her ex stole the kids, or that he outspent her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Yeah, that's just a cope and a lie from men. Most men dont even seek out custody but will lie and tell everyone that their wife "stole their kids" because they dont want to seem like a jerk of a dad.The reality is the court system almost uniformly favors men

You know it's not. You're trotting out an old sexist trope.

When was the last time you were at a soccer game, pediatrcians office, tot lot, etc. It's about 60/40 women vs men. This isn't the 50s anymore, sweetie.

It's not. It's reality https://www.washingtonpost.com/gender-identity/moms-who-allege-child-abuse-are-much-more-likely-to-lose-custody-study-finds/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Here's how mine went and it's not an anecdote. My ex- DH attacked me and we both got locked up. We didn't even live together at that moment. Judge was a male and I lost custody to DH after I had said that he was a drug dealer and/or judge believed his story of me attacking him. Not sure which one. I was allowed to see my kid whenever ex felt like it. He called me if I didn't bring the kid fast enough and he called me if I didn't come to get the kid. I was also sent to parenting class. Ex called and yelled at me for not coming to get the kid as I sit in that class. He did not believe I was in it even though judge said it out loud. See what drugs do to memory.
Few months later, we had a court date again. I told the female judge that he was a drug dealer and I want my kid away from him. She took the kid from him, and he wasn't even allowed to see the kid 'til further notice'.
The African American female judge absolutely believed that the white man sold drugs and got away with it because he was white.
Neither judge asked for any proof. They both went with their feelings with 3 minutes of us standing there.
At final order, we ended up sharing the kid. I think I did say that he sold drugs to the third judge, but courts found it more important for the father to be around. Must be special for a dad to stick around in DC.
We went to court so many times as we tried to navigate divorce, custody and DV. Not once did it feel like I should be lucky to be a female. If any, the male judge wanted to punish me with the parenting class. Why not send ex with me? I was supposed to be in my college class at the same time.
Courts don't care about evidence. They want to hear bare minimum and push people through the system.
Our lives were complicated because we got caught up in it all. We learned out lesson. He never attacked me again, and I haven't reported him for not paying the minimum child support required for a decade+ or child's health insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Yeah, that's just a cope and a lie from men. Most men dont even seek out custody but will lie and tell everyone that their wife "stole their kids" because they dont want to seem like a jerk of a dad.The reality is the court system almost uniformly favors men

You know it's not. You're trotting out an old sexist trope.

When was the last time you were at a soccer game, pediatrcians office, tot lot, etc. It's about 60/40 women vs men. This isn't the 50s anymore, sweetie.

It's not. It's reality https://www.washingtonpost.com/gender-identity/moms-who-allege-child-abuse-are-much-more-likely-to-lose-custody-study-finds/

You're using an unpublished, 15 year old, 'study' about the effects of both men and women alleging abuse during custoday battles to refute my assertions that:
a.) Men are far more engaged in their kid's lives today, and thus, deserve a fair shake in custody hearings, and
b.) Women generally get full custody?

Umm, ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Yeah, that's just a cope and a lie from men. Most men dont even seek out custody but will lie and tell everyone that their wife "stole their kids" because they dont want to seem like a jerk of a dad.The reality is the court system almost uniformly favors men

You know it's not. You're trotting out an old sexist trope.

When was the last time you were at a soccer game, pediatrcians office, tot lot, etc. It's about 60/40 women vs men. This isn't the 50s anymore, sweetie.

At some of our activities it’s mainly dads.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Yeah, that's just a cope and a lie from men. Most men dont even seek out custody but will lie and tell everyone that their wife "stole their kids" because they dont want to seem like a jerk of a dad.The reality is the court system almost uniformly favors men

You know it's not. You're trotting out an old sexist trope.

When was the last time you were at a soccer game, pediatrcians office, tot lot, etc. It's about 60/40 women vs men. This isn't the 50s anymore, sweetie.

At some of our activities it’s mainly dads.

I was a SAHD for 3.5 years and there were plenty of us. Women hated us. The two faced questions I got were hilarious

"Oh, is today visitation day?"
"Wow, you're such a good dad taking your 2 year old to the park on your lunch break!"
"Still on paternity leave?" when I had my 2 year old and newborn together.

Make no mistake, the comments were meant to hurt.

It's a weird hate SAHMs have for SAHDs. And this was in 'progressive' Oakland at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would cause a court to fully strip a single mother of custody and grant it to her ex husband?

The woman in question is refusing to share the circumstances but she does have two DUIs from years ago.

She was otherwise a mild mannered, calm, gainfully employed at the same place (HS teacher) for 15 years.

She is apparently only permitted to have a 2 hour supervised visit once a month now.

Usually a more recent significant child neglect or abuse or drug issue.

Or she agreed to it herself due to work reasons, stress, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Using/dealing drugs in front of minors
2. Letting a registered s** offender live with her

Stuff like that.

This. Well documented abuse or neglect, without a shadow of a doubt.
It’s usually very hard for a mother to lose any custody, unless she willingly gave up. But the supervised visits means there is an ongoing concern.

[Anonymous]

I know a mom who lost custody after taking the kid out of state and refusing to return him for his dad’s custody time. Others are because of drug or alcohol issues.

[Anonymous]

1) Mental Health Issues
2) Substance Abuse Issues
3) She acted improperly with one of her highschool students and now is banned from being around children

[Anonymous]

OP, unless you are her relative or very close, confiding friend -- you're looking for fuel for your speculation. That's all you have, speculation. Can you see how gossipy this all is? Gee, she lost all custody, she must have A Big! Awful! Secret! No, you have no idea, and speculating is unkind.

Also: Someone earlier in this thread insisted that her reluctance to explain why she lost custody is a red flag. No, it's not.

One, she does not owe anyone details of her private concerns. Certainly not you, OP, unless you have a very direct and personal stake in her and her child's lives. Do you? No? Zero information owed you.

Two, she may have done nothing wrong at all but may be embarrassed and upset that she's lost custody. Can you see how that profound an upset make someone want NOT to talk about it?

[Anonymous]

Since others are offering examples: I know a woman who lost custody of her toddler because her ex insisted the child needed a "two-parent household" and that the mom, who worked full-time, "wouldn't provide adequate care and would just stick the child in day care." The ex-DH had swiftly married his affair partner, by the way, so he was able to present them as a perfect couple where the new wife would stay home with his and his ex-DW's child. The mom was trashed, as a mom, for having to work full-time to pay the bills. And a judge just bought the whole sexist crap argument about "needing" a stay-at-home mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. Using/dealing drugs in front of minors
2. Letting a registered s** offender live with her

Stuff like that.

Nope, way more than that. You are grossly misinformed. A likely reason is that the mom (credibly) accused the ex of abuse, and maybe the kids agreed, and a crafty lawyer claimed she was ‘alienating’ the kids. I’ve seen that occur and it is horrid.