Complete Loss of Custody- Mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Using/dealing drugs in front of minors
2. Letting a registered s** offender live with her

Stuff like that.

This. Well documented abuse or neglect, without a shadow of a doubt.
It’s usually very hard for a mother to lose any custody, unless she willingly gave up. But the supervised visits means there is an ongoing concern.

Again, people saying this are horribly misinformed. There is an entire cottage industry based on a mothers alleged ‘alienation’ of the kids (she’s a good mom and the dad isn’t but it must be her fault the kids don’t like him) … which is a crock of shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

But, in that case, wouldn't the mom just say "He outspent me"?

Refusing to provide an answer is a HUGE warning sign. I'd worry about it beingsomething she was doing that endangered the kids, like dating a pedo or leaving very young kids unsupervised while she went away for the weekend.

Wrong

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would cause a court to fully strip a single mother of custody and grant it to her ex husband?

The woman in question is refusing to share the circumstances but she does have two DUIs from years ago.

She was otherwise a mild mannered, calm, gainfully employed at the same place (HS teacher) for 15 years.

She is apparently only permitted to have a 2 hour supervised visit once a month now.

Did she accuse the father of abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

DP. Wrong. If there was a presumption the mom would have primary custody, it was almost certainly because she was the primary caregiver BEFORE the separation not bc of any bias against men. The courts tend to be biased towards women and hold their parenting up to higher standards than men, just as we tend to do in society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would cause a court to fully strip a single mother of custody and grant it to her ex husband?

The woman in question is refusing to share the circumstances but she does have two DUIs from years ago.

She was otherwise a mild mannered, calm, gainfully employed at the same place (HS teacher) for 15 years.

She is apparently only permitted to have a 2 hour supervised visit once a month now.

I would assume the ex was particularly vindictive and had more $$ to spend on lawyers. Cases like that can go horribly sideways. Poor woman and kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Yeah, that's just a cope and a lie from men. Most men dont even seek out custody but will lie and tell everyone that their wife "stole their kids" because they dont want to seem like a jerk of a dad.The reality is the court system almost uniformly favors men

You know it's not. You're trotting out an old sexist trope.

When was the last time you were at a soccer game, pediatrcians office, tot lot, etc. It's about 60/40 women vs men. This isn't the 50s anymore, sweetie.

At some of our activities it’s mainly dads.

I was a SAHD for 3.5 years and there were plenty of us. Women hated us. The two faced questions I got were hilarious

"Oh, is today visitation day?"
"Wow, you're such a good dad taking your 2 year old to the park on your lunch break!"
"Still on paternity leave?" when I had my 2 year old and newborn together.

Make no mistake, the comments were meant to hurt.

It's a weird hate SAHMs have for SAHDs. And this was in 'progressive' Oakland at the time.

Sorry, what's so wrong or viciously evil about these comments?

You sound extremely sensitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. Using/dealing drugs in front of minors
2. Letting a registered s** offender live with her

Stuff like that.

Nope, way more than that. You are grossly misinformed. A likely reason is that the mom (credibly) accused the ex of abuse, and maybe the kids agreed, and a crafty lawyer claimed she was ‘alienating’ the kids. I’ve seen that occur and it is horrid.

It happens all the time, hence the WashPo article someone linked. Its very well documented

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would cause a court to fully strip a single mother of custody and grant it to her ex husband?

The woman in question is refusing to share the circumstances but she does have two DUIs from years ago.

She was otherwise a mild mannered, calm, gainfully employed at the same place (HS teacher) for 15 years.

She is apparently only permitted to have a 2 hour supervised visit once a month now.

I know a mom who lost custody bc of a DUI. Ironic bc the dad was a heavy heavy drinker himself and the dd had reported he hit her occasionally when drunk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

Yeeeaaahhhh, no. Pretty much every single dad I know had an uphill battle with custody. It was just assumed the mom would get them.

Yeah, that's just a cope and a lie from men. Most men dont even seek out custody but will lie and tell everyone that their wife "stole their kids" because they dont want to seem like a jerk of a dad.The reality is the court system almost uniformly favors men

This times a million. Especially if the kids are small and harder to handle, and the mom will get support either way.

[Anonymous]

Family member lost custody of her kids in the divorce. She was an alcoholic and the cops had been involved several times when the mom was supposed to be in charge of the kids. During separation dad tried to let her show she could be responsible and share custody but myself and other family had to intervene several times. Even with plenty of evidence and the kids being old enough to provide some testimony to what happened when mom was in charge, it still wasn't an easy thing for him to get total custody.

This was....5ish years ago. She's been sober for 2 years now and has slowly mended her relationship with her youngest. Oldest remembers more and their relationship is slower to mend. Dad, IMO, did the best he could. Got everyone therapy, let kids still have contact with mom's side of family, didn't talk bad about mom (that I know of) but also was honest when kids asked questions.

I'm sure there are cases of moms losing custody because dads and judges are jerks. But in the only case I know of, it was definitely the right decision.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is the nature of your relationship with the mom?

[Anonymous]

The fact that she only has a two hour visit once a month means either

a) she doesn't want to see her kids more frequently
b) whatever she did was very, very bad and impacted the kids directly (abused them in some way)

Even in cases where mom is an alcoholic, drug abuser, something really horrible, no court would only allow a once a month visit. They would permit once or twice a week, supervised.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Having worked in family law there are all kinds of reasons women can lose custody. A lot of times they have vindctive ex husbands who will spend any amount of money to punish their ex wife for leaving them. Courts are biased against women, most judges/lawyers/police officers are male.

On the other hand, sure, sometimes there are bad moms who did bad things. It's really hard to judge just from the loss of custody alone.

This.

+1 Also high school teacher don't make much so there likely was a disparity in legal representation here. You really cant' jump to conclusion in that case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Family member lost custody of her kids in the divorce. She was an alcoholic and the cops had been involved several times when the mom was supposed to be in charge of the kids. During separation dad tried to let her show she could be responsible and share custody but myself and other family had to intervene several times. Even with plenty of evidence and the kids being old enough to provide some testimony to what happened when mom was in charge, it still wasn't an easy thing for him to get total custody.

This was....5ish years ago. She's been sober for 2 years now and has slowly mended her relationship with her youngest. Oldest remembers more and their relationship is slower to mend. Dad, IMO, did the best he could. Got everyone therapy, let kids still have contact with mom's side of family, didn't talk bad about mom (that I know of) but also was honest when kids asked questions.

I'm sure there are cases of moms losing custody because dads and judges are jerks. But in the only case I know of, it was definitely the right decision.

This is the way it should work, for both men and women who can’t maturely parent. Unfortunately these situations often correct themselves when it’s a *woman* losing custody for valid reasons, but not when it’s a man. If the tables were turned, you likely wouldn’t have seen the mom get full custody (unless the dad didn’t want it to begin with, which is often the case)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that she only has a two hour visit once a month means either

a) she doesn't want to see her kids more frequently
b) whatever she did was very, very bad and impacted the kids directly (abused them in some way)

Even in cases where mom is an alcoholic, drug abuser, something really horrible, no court would only allow a once a month visit. They would permit once or twice a week, supervised.

You forgot alienation