Again, people saying this are horribly misinformed. There is an entire cottage industry based on a mothers alleged ‘alienation’ of the kids (she’s a good mom and the dad isn’t but it must be her fault the kids don’t like him) … which is a crock of shit. |
Wrong |
Did she accuse the father of abuse? |
DP. Wrong. If there was a presumption the mom would have primary custody, it was almost certainly because she was the primary caregiver BEFORE the separation not bc of any bias against men. The courts tend to be biased towards women and hold their parenting up to higher standards than men, just as we tend to do in society. |
I would assume the ex was particularly vindictive and had more $$ to spend on lawyers. Cases like that can go horribly sideways. Poor woman and kids |
Sorry, what's so wrong or viciously evil about these comments? You sound extremely sensitive. |
It happens all the time, hence the WashPo article someone linked. Its very well documented |
I know a mom who lost custody bc of a DUI. Ironic bc the dad was a heavy heavy drinker himself and the dd had reported he hit her occasionally when drunk. |
This times a million. Especially if the kids are small and harder to handle, and the mom will get support either way. |
Family member lost custody of her kids in the divorce. She was an alcoholic and the cops had been involved several times when the mom was supposed to be in charge of the kids. During separation dad tried to let her show she could be responsible and share custody but myself and other family had to intervene several times. Even with plenty of evidence and the kids being old enough to provide some testimony to what happened when mom was in charge, it still wasn't an easy thing for him to get total custody.
This was....5ish years ago. She's been sober for 2 years now and has slowly mended her relationship with her youngest. Oldest remembers more and their relationship is slower to mend. Dad, IMO, did the best he could. Got everyone therapy, let kids still have contact with mom's side of family, didn't talk bad about mom (that I know of) but also was honest when kids asked questions. I'm sure there are cases of moms losing custody because dads and judges are jerks. But in the only case I know of, it was definitely the right decision. |
OP, what is the nature of your relationship with the mom? |
The fact that she only has a two hour visit once a month means either
a) she doesn't want to see her kids more frequently b) whatever she did was very, very bad and impacted the kids directly (abused them in some way) Even in cases where mom is an alcoholic, drug abuser, something really horrible, no court would only allow a once a month visit. They would permit once or twice a week, supervised. |
+1 Also high school teacher don't make much so there likely was a disparity in legal representation here. You really cant' jump to conclusion in that case. |
This is the way it should work, for both men and women who can’t maturely parent. Unfortunately these situations often correct themselves when it’s a *woman* losing custody for valid reasons, but not when it’s a man. If the tables were turned, you likely wouldn’t have seen the mom get full custody (unless the dad didn’t want it to begin with, which is often the case) |
You forgot alienation |