Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not “hot”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

[Anonymous]

Is your question whether a woman such as yourself can find love? If so the answer is of course you can.

[Anonymous]

As a guy, for me it is more about how your carry yourself than how hot you are.

Even if you were conventionally hot, based on your style I probably wouldn’t be interested. Limits options of what we can do.

And I would prefer nothing over just an Apple Watch as an accessory item.

That being said, there are plenty of guys who would be comfortable with this.

[Anonymous]

Need to go to places with shared interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

She’s gotta be a brunette, Leighton Meester or Nina Dobrev
Him- Liam Hemswoth looks like he could work in accounting.

I’m open to noted but I’m not giving up Final Cut!
I’ll need a driver and one for my assistant.
Raw bar craft services and my personal trainer needs a trailer on set.

[Anonymous]

The average person looks average. The average person dates and marries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Need to go to places with shared interests.

THIS. OP, you've focused on looks and wardrobe, so PPs have as well. Yes, you DO need to look more your age and like a professional adult and a grown woman, but you also need to think less about physical "hotness" overall and more about what you really want in someone else. Like this PP says: Involve yourself in places, or rather activities, based on interests. Dates based on looks are OK but what is going to last--and be a LOT more fun than always wondering if you're hot "enough" for a next date-- is just doing what you personally value and find interesting or entertaining, and then meeting people through that. I know DCUM will yell that "it's too hard to date now, you just have to use apps" etc. but if you really want more than superficial dating, you'll do better making friends, then possibly finding dates, while doing things you like and consider important to you. Join something, participate in something, whatever. Be a joiner and an involved person. You'll be happy, that will show, and that is attractive. And you and your date(s) will have something real to talk about.

[Anonymous]

There are lots of things besides looks and wardrobe that make a person attractive to someone else. Think kindness, sense of humor, wit, an infectious smile, intelligence, shared hobbies, etc. It is the whole package that is taken into account, not just being physically hot.

[Anonymous]

Are you plain AND boring? Being boring will keep you single way longer than being plain. Plain looking folks pair up every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Few men require "hotness" as defined by women. They want someone fit. You are. They want someone who dresses in a way that indicates openness to their attention. Ditch the turtlenecks unless you are willing to pair them with skirts or fitted jeans. It does not take much to indicate openness - a bright cute top and decent jeans are plenty. Lip gloss is all the makeup you need. Smiling frequently will have a greater impact than any jewelry or heels.

This is not a commentary on the OP herself but "fit" and "thin" do not mean the same thing. OP is obviously thin at 5'4" 110, but she did not say anything that would indicate fitness. Many thin people are weak and sickly. I'm not saying OP is, but your use of the word fit is not accurate and it is true that many men prefer fit women, but that means healthy, strong, capable of physical activity, active...it doesn't just mean thin (although many men couldn't care less about fit and just prefer thin also.)

[Anonymous]

Find smart men with good personalities and intelligence but who are a little less attractive than you. They will be over the moon to date you.

[Anonymous]

Get your dermatologist to prescribe Accutane. Life is too short to waste time with bad skin. You risk scarring-- both physically and mentally. Seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Move to New England you will fit right in.

Says the DC’er who thinks she’s hot in her White House, Black Market outlet finds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

I’m looking forward to this one. But will probably wait for it to come out on Netflix so I can enjoy at home.
10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

She’s gotta be a brunette, Leighton Meester or Nina Dobrev
Him- Liam Hemswoth looks like he could work in accounting.

I’m open to noted but I’m not giving up Final Cut!
I’ll need a driver and one for my assistant.
Raw bar craft services and my personal trainer needs a trailer on set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White woman in my early 20s working in the Accounting field making approximately $80k/year. Am about 5”4 and 110 lbs with brown hair. But, I am definitely not “hot.” I am hygienic and get my hair trimmed often, has braces and wear a retainer, wear light makeup but the only piece of jewelry I wear whatsoever is an Apple Watch. My favorite brands to wear are Land’s End, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer and JCrew. I wear turtlenecks and loose jeans with running sneakers outside of work. No cleavage ever.

I would rather be single than be with someone who wants me to change my style FWIW.

Right person would find you hot. Hotness is in the eye of the beholder and right timing.