Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not “hot”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

She’s gotta be a brunette, Leighton Meester or Nina Dobrev
Him- Liam Hemswoth looks like he could work in accounting.

I’m open to noted but I’m not giving up Final Cut!
I’ll need a driver and one for my assistant.
Raw bar craft services and my personal trainer needs a trailer on set.

Leighton Meester with no makeup could work! And - hear me out - maybe Patti Harrison as the best friend who tries to glam up her plain friend and is secretly in love with her just as she is. (I LOVED Patti Harrison in Together, Together).

Leighton Meester is too old to play an early 20-something woman. Now it would be Daisy Edgar Jones. Your frame of reference is 15 years late.

That's fair. OK, some 20-something actress I don't know - and Patti Harrison. Or is she too old too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

She’s gotta be a brunette, Leighton Meester or Nina Dobrev
Him- Liam Hemswoth looks like he could work in accounting.

I’m open to noted but I’m not giving up Final Cut!
I’ll need a driver and one for my assistant.
Raw bar craft services and my personal trainer needs a trailer on set.

Leighton Meester with no makeup could work! And - hear me out - maybe Patti Harrison as the best friend who tries to glam up her plain friend and is secretly in love with her just as she is. (I LOVED Patti Harrison in Together, Together).

Leighton Meester is too old to play an early 20-something woman. Now it would be Daisy Edgar Jones. Your frame of reference is 15 years late.

Agree that Leighton is too old now, but she’s always struck me as “girl next door” looking. Not necessarily in a bad way.

Like I said, I am open to notes but I do need final cut. I’ve had a crush on Leighton Meester for a while now but since she’s too old we’re going to change the male lead to a 50 year old man from a DC suburb; I think I can pull off writer, Director and actor for my first outing.
I downloaded this script writing software, read through’s start after Valentine’s Day.

Oh haha - I assumed you were a woman and that this was a story about a woman finally falling for her female best friend. But yes we can get a guy in there, too - the guy who helps her win over other men, while secretly pining for her exactly as she is. I think 50 is too old, though - this has to be a little more wholesome than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

She’s gotta be a brunette, Leighton Meester or Nina Dobrev
Him- Liam Hemswoth looks like he could work in accounting.

I’m open to noted but I’m not giving up Final Cut!
I’ll need a driver and one for my assistant.
Raw bar craft services and my personal trainer needs a trailer on set.

Leighton Meester with no makeup could work! And - hear me out - maybe Patti Harrison as the best friend who tries to glam up her plain friend and is secretly in love with her just as she is. (I LOVED Patti Harrison in Together, Together).

Leighton Meester is too old to play an early 20-something woman. Now it would be Daisy Edgar Jones. Your frame of reference is 15 years late.

Agree that Leighton is too old now, but she’s always struck me as “girl next door” looking. Not necessarily in a bad way.

Like I said, I am open to notes but I do need final cut. I’ve had a crush on Leighton Meester for a while now but since she’s too old we’re going to change the male lead to a 50 year old man from a DC suburb; I think I can pull off writer, Director and actor for my first outing.
I downloaded this script writing software, read through’s start after Valentine’s Day.

Oh haha - I assumed you were a woman and that this was a story about a woman finally falling for her female best friend. But yes we can get a guy in there, too - the guy who helps her win over other men, while secretly pining for her exactly as she is. I think 50 is too old, though - this has to be a little more wholesome than that.

Jack and Liz from 30 Rock, everyone wanted to see them get together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Grow your hair long. Wear heels.

OP here. This isn’t what I’m looking for. If that means fewer prospects, so be it.

Will follow the Patagonia and Lululemon suggestion.

Lululemon has colorful, form-fitting stuff that could work. Patagonia is winter fleece - not sexy.

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/katienotopoulos/i-wore-a-vest-like-jeff-bezos-for-a-week-to-see-if-id-be

Watch old episodes of "Love at first swipe" with Clint Kelly. Episode 10 featured a divorced mom with teen boys who reminds me of you. She liked sports and had a great athletic figure, but dressed like a teen boy in hockey jerseys and baggy sweat pants. Other episodes featured math majors or nannys with bad style. Many of the women dressed too sexy and trashy. Clint offered styles that flattered figures and personalities.

What would you tell a rich tech-bro who wears ugly Patagonia vests and Timberland boots?

https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2018-04/23/12/asset/buzzfeed-prod-web-02/sub-buzz-18090-1524500251-1.jpg

I would tell him to stop dressing like a teen! For dates, I would recommend Italian loafers and a blazer with pocket square. Or if he was short, Italian boots. And ditch the baggy kakhi's for well-fitting dark jeans. Analogous rules hold for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

She’s gotta be a brunette, Leighton Meester or Nina Dobrev
Him- Liam Hemswoth looks like he could work in accounting.

I’m open to noted but I’m not giving up Final Cut!
I’ll need a driver and one for my assistant.
Raw bar craft services and my personal trainer needs a trailer on set.

Leighton Meester with no makeup could work! And - hear me out - maybe Patti Harrison as the best friend who tries to glam up her plain friend and is secretly in love with her just as she is. (I LOVED Patti Harrison in Together, Together).

Leighton Meester is too old to play an early 20-something woman. Now it would be Daisy Edgar Jones. Your frame of reference is 15 years late.

Agree that Leighton is too old now, but she’s always struck me as “girl next door” looking. Not necessarily in a bad way.

Like I said, I am open to notes but I do need final cut. I’ve had a crush on Leighton Meester for a while now but since she’s too old we’re going to change the male lead to a 50 year old man from a DC suburb; I think I can pull off writer, Director and actor for my first outing.
I downloaded this script writing software, read through’s start after Valentine’s Day.

Oh haha - I assumed you were a woman and that this was a story about a woman finally falling for her female best friend. But yes we can get a guy in there, too - the guy who helps her win over other men, while secretly pining for her exactly as she is. I think 50 is too old, though - this has to be a little more wholesome than that.

Jack and Liz from 30 Rock, everyone wanted to see them get together.

What? No!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

10/10 would read that book, also watch that movie. Who are we casting in these roles?

She’s gotta be a brunette, Leighton Meester or Nina Dobrev
Him- Liam Hemswoth looks like he could work in accounting.

I’m open to noted but I’m not giving up Final Cut!
I’ll need a driver and one for my assistant.
Raw bar craft services and my personal trainer needs a trailer on set.

Leighton Meester with no makeup could work! And - hear me out - maybe Patti Harrison as the best friend who tries to glam up her plain friend and is secretly in love with her just as she is. (I LOVED Patti Harrison in Together, Together).

Leighton Meester is too old to play an early 20-something woman. Now it would be Daisy Edgar Jones. Your frame of reference is 15 years late.

Agree that Leighton is too old now, but she’s always struck me as “girl next door” looking. Not necessarily in a bad way.

Like I said, I am open to notes but I do need final cut. I’ve had a crush on Leighton Meester for a while now but since she’s too old we’re going to change the male lead to a 50 year old man from a DC suburb; I think I can pull off writer, Director and actor for my first outing.
I downloaded this script writing software, read through’s start after Valentine’s Day.

Oh haha - I assumed you were a woman and that this was a story about a woman finally falling for her female best friend. But yes we can get a guy in there, too - the guy who helps her win over other men, while secretly pining for her exactly as she is. I think 50 is too old, though - this has to be a little more wholesome than that.

Jack and Liz from 30 Rock, everyone wanted to see them get together.

What? No!

Definitely not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think how you dress is fine for the most part, and you seem adamant about not wanting to change your style, which is fine. I do find it interesting that you're shopping at places mostly frequented by women in their late 30s and above. If you enjoy comfortable, outdoorsy clothes, I would suggest branching out to brands like Patagonia and Lululemon, which are still athleisure but more fashionable and popular among women your age.

Also, if you have a beautiful face and a fit body, men would still be drawn to you in spite of your understated style. But if you're average-looking, you would have to put in more effort to get male attention. Again, it depends on how much attention you actually want.

Agree with Patagonia. Also Columbia. I’m a huge REI fan and their membership has paid for itself for me in free returns.

There’s a difference between “pretty”/femme presenting and “polished”. Think about how you can polish up your appearance with the same style — is your hair usually air dry? Try a straightener or a curler to smooth it out, but keep the style you like (I’m getting “outdoorsy”). Try a fashion vest over the turtleneck (I got one from REI - slightly fitted but keeps me nice and cozy). Think about where you like the loose jeans - they start to look polished if they’re on the crisper side, a color other than medium wash denim, and belted. A belt can elevate an outfit from “teenager” to “working professional” Tuck in the shirt and and you’re getting towards 2022 fashion trends.

Also thoughts on boots? Not fashion booties, but something like Sorel or Merril that has a solid black or brown above the ankle boot. That will also kick an outfit up a polish level.

OP here. I love blundstones but the price is steep imo. Am considering them.

Heh I love my Blundstones but I'm not sure that wearing them improves your hotness in any way that would matter to the opposite sex. I think other women would notice them and think you're either fashionable or practical - I don't think men are paying attention to the brand of your flat practical booties.

To my mind they are worth the price, that said. They really are comfortable, versatile boots.

+1 I love my Blundstones too, but I do think you have to be intentional about wearing them with certain items to make them look stylish and not dumpy.

OP, not sure what kind of input you’re looking for here? If you want reassurance that you don’t have to change, then yes, lots of plain women date and do fine. If you want advice on how to be more attractive to men while still being yourself, then focus on acne and get a good haircut that needs minimal styling, make sure your clothes is at least not actively unflattering.

Far worse than being unattractive or unstylish is being socially awkward or boring.

I also love Blundstones, but I think they look great with casual outfits ONLY IF your hair and makeup are feminine. Men from places like SF or Brooklyn might see the brand as a signifier of sorts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think how you dress is fine for the most part, and you seem adamant about not wanting to change your style, which is fine. I do find it interesting that you're shopping at places mostly frequented by women in their late 30s and above. If you enjoy comfortable, outdoorsy clothes, I would suggest branching out to brands like Patagonia and Lululemon, which are still athleisure but more fashionable and popular among women your age.

Also, if you have a beautiful face and a fit body, men would still be drawn to you in spite of your understated style. But if you're average-looking, you would have to put in more effort to get male attention. Again, it depends on how much attention you actually want.

Agree with Patagonia. Also Columbia. I’m a huge REI fan and their membership has paid for itself for me in free returns.

There’s a difference between “pretty”/femme presenting and “polished”. Think about how you can polish up your appearance with the same style — is your hair usually air dry? Try a straightener or a curler to smooth it out, but keep the style you like (I’m getting “outdoorsy”). Try a fashion vest over the turtleneck (I got one from REI - slightly fitted but keeps me nice and cozy). Think about where you like the loose jeans - they start to look polished if they’re on the crisper side, a color other than medium wash denim, and belted. A belt can elevate an outfit from “teenager” to “working professional” Tuck in the shirt and and you’re getting towards 2022 fashion trends.

Also thoughts on boots? Not fashion booties, but something like Sorel or Merril that has a solid black or brown above the ankle boot. That will also kick an outfit up a polish level.

OP here. I love blundstones but the price is steep imo. Am considering them.

Heh I love my Blundstones but I'm not sure that wearing them improves your hotness in any way that would matter to the opposite sex. I think other women would notice them and think you're either fashionable or practical - I don't think men are paying attention to the brand of your flat practical booties.

To my mind they are worth the price, that said. They really are comfortable, versatile boots.

+1 I love my Blundstones too, but I do think you have to be intentional about wearing them with certain items to make them look stylish and not dumpy.

OP, not sure what kind of input you’re looking for here? If you want reassurance that you don’t have to change, then yes, lots of plain women date and do fine. If you want advice on how to be more attractive to men while still being yourself, then focus on acne and get a good haircut that needs minimal styling, make sure your clothes is at least not actively unflattering.

Far worse than being unattractive or unstylish is being socially awkward or boring.

I also love Blundstones, but I think they look great with casual outfits ONLY IF your hair and makeup are feminine. Men from places like SF or Brooklyn might see the brand as a signifier of sorts.

+1 dressing like Dennis the Menace will get you pigeonholed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think how you dress is fine for the most part, and you seem adamant about not wanting to change your style, which is fine. I do find it interesting that you're shopping at places mostly frequented by women in their late 30s and above. If you enjoy comfortable, outdoorsy clothes, I would suggest branching out to brands like Patagonia and Lululemon, which are still athleisure but more fashionable and popular among women your age.

Also, if you have a beautiful face and a fit body, men would still be drawn to you in spite of your understated style. But if you're average-looking, you would have to put in more effort to get male attention. Again, it depends on how much attention you actually want.

Agree with Patagonia. Also Columbia. I’m a huge REI fan and their membership has paid for itself for me in free returns.

There’s a difference between “pretty”/femme presenting and “polished”. Think about how you can polish up your appearance with the same style — is your hair usually air dry? Try a straightener or a curler to smooth it out, but keep the style you like (I’m getting “outdoorsy”). Try a fashion vest over the turtleneck (I got one from REI - slightly fitted but keeps me nice and cozy). Think about where you like the loose jeans - they start to look polished if they’re on the crisper side, a color other than medium wash denim, and belted. A belt can elevate an outfit from “teenager” to “working professional” Tuck in the shirt and and you’re getting towards 2022 fashion trends.

Also thoughts on boots? Not fashion booties, but something like Sorel or Merril that has a solid black or brown above the ankle boot. That will also kick an outfit up a polish level.

OP here. I love blundstones but the price is steep imo. Am considering them.

Heh I love my Blundstones but I'm not sure that wearing them improves your hotness in any way that would matter to the opposite sex. I think other women would notice them and think you're either fashionable or practical - I don't think men are paying attention to the brand of your flat practical booties.

To my mind they are worth the price, that said. They really are comfortable, versatile boots.

+1 I love my Blundstones too, but I do think you have to be intentional about wearing them with certain items to make them look stylish and not dumpy.

OP, not sure what kind of input you’re looking for here? If you want reassurance that you don’t have to change, then yes, lots of plain women date and do fine. If you want advice on how to be more attractive to men while still being yourself, then focus on acne and get a good haircut that needs minimal styling, make sure your clothes is at least not actively unflattering.

Far worse than being unattractive or unstylish is being socially awkward or boring.

I also love Blundstones, but I think they look great with casual outfits ONLY IF your hair and makeup are feminine. Men from places like SF or Brooklyn might see the brand as a signifier of sorts.

+1 dressing like Dennis the Menace will get you pigeonholed

oh no - TIL I dress like Dennis the Menace

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

oh no - TIL I dress like Dennis the Menace

It sounds like you want to wear casual, comfortable clothes and shoes like Blundstones. You also want the convenience of short hair. You are inadvertently dressing like a lesbian softball coach. It reminds me of Dave Chappelle saying: "Just because you dress a certain way does not make you a whore. But you are wearing the uniform of one."

You have a wonderful slender figure. I googled outfits for thin girls, and found lots easy outfits with jeans, skirts, and tight t-shirts or strappy tops that show off your arms. A svelte woman can wear tops that would be tacky on a busty woman. Bigger women must use certain shapes to deemphasize their waists and create an hourglass appearance.

This outfit is great if you want to meet pedophiles at OshKosh B'gosh: https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-28906ec4a10d473d37a5969667b326d7-lq

This one is great if you want to meet lots of men: https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ef88ade10a26eb2786fb74d81505af59-lq

[Anonymous]

Wow, this thread really got hijacked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this thread really got hijacked.

I guess "hijacked" is the technical term for it, but I like the writer's room tangent!

OP, I think the main issue here is that you are hoping to date without making ANY changes to your personal appearance. That isn't totally the end of the world, but it seems like you would maybe need to find partners in mutual activities. What do you like to do? What are you interested in? Those things are more important, but all anyone knows about you right now is your wardrobe choices and how inflexible you are about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I want to be friends with you so we can do a whole montage scene at Nieman Marcus.

You’ll shake your head and roll your eyes as the saleswoman and I bring you things, walking on sunshine will be playing, next scene shows me and the saleswoman utterly exhausted with defeat on our faces, clothes are piled everywhere; you pull back the curtain; the camera rises up from patent black stilettos, then beautiful legs, then an lbd, passing gorgeous cleavage to finally reveal your incredible face which we can finally now see because you’re not wearing your glasses.

The guy you’ve been pining for finally notices you and you start seeing him, it goes on for a while but you realize that he isn’t what you really wanted and you break up. A month later you realize that it’s me, your friend for 10 years, that you’re really in love with, we finally kiss and realize we’re all we ever needed in this world.

You give all your new clothes and shoes to your hilarious fun slutty roommate, get your new balance walking shoes out of the back of your closet, Apple Watch, flannel shirt and turtleneck are back on your body where they belong. We open a bed and breakfast In Portsmouth NH and live happily ever after.

I love this, thank you magic writer DCUMer!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm just like you, but I occasionally get dressed up when I want to look good for myself. Honestly, it makes no difference with guys. They think they know what they want, but what they actually respond to is a lot of smiling, compliments, shared interests (or just any interest in what they like). Once out of their f*boy 20s, they also like you to give them opportunities to opportunities to show what a "nice guy" they are.

[Anonymous]

OP why are you dressing like a 40 year old woman? Its not about changing your style but you can definitely wear more flattering clothes.