Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not “hot”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White woman in my early 20s working in the Accounting field making approximately $80k/year. Am about 5”4 and 110 lbs with brown hair. But, I am definitely not “hot.” I am hygienic and get my hair trimmed often, has braces and wear a retainer, wear light makeup but the only piece of jewelry I wear whatsoever is an Apple Watch. My favorite brands to wear are Land’s End, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer and JCrew. I wear turtlenecks and loose jeans with running sneakers outside of work. No cleavage ever.

I would rather be single than be with someone who wants me to change my style FWIW.

You already have more going on for you than an average woman. You are young, white, educated, employed, had braces, can afford grooming and dressing. You don't need to do much.

[Anonymous]

I see plenty of couples that are not hot. There’s someone for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did forget to mention that I have a ton of face acne that I am still working on through dietary & topical medicine changes.

Forget topical and get oral medications from a dermatologist or just ask your PCP or OBGYN. There are lots of safe and effective options available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:White woman in my early 20s working in the Accounting field making approximately $80k/year. Am about 5”4 and 110 lbs with brown hair. But, I am definitely not “hot.” I am hygienic and get my hair trimmed often, has braces and wear a retainer, wear light makeup but the only piece of jewelry I wear whatsoever is an Apple Watch. My favorite brands to wear are Land’s End, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer and JCrew. I wear turtlenecks and loose jeans with running sneakers outside of work. No cleavage ever.

I would rather be single than be with someone who wants me to change my style FWIW.

Right person would find you hot. Hotness is in the eye of the beholder and right timing.

This is only partially true. My wife is not hot. Neither am I. But we are a fine match and she has all of the woman parts that I desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The average person looks average. The average person dates and marries.

This^

[Anonymous]

I think how you dress is fine for the most part, and you seem adamant about not wanting to change your style, which is fine. I do find it interesting that you're shopping at places mostly frequented by women in their late 30s and above. If you enjoy comfortable, outdoorsy clothes, I would suggest branching out to brands like Patagonia and Lululemon, which are still athleisure but more fashionable and popular among women your age.

Also, if you have a beautiful face and a fit body, men would still be drawn to you in spite of your understated style. But if you're average-looking, you would have to put in more effort to get male attention. Again, it depends on how much attention you actually want.

[Anonymous]

Majority of smart and ambitious men now want a wholesome package for a life partner, not just a supermodel, well unless she is also a package.

In a good package, they prefer looks, temperament, decent family background, education, mental health, social skills, career, income, credit score etc. One factor can slightly compensate for other factors but only up to a certain extent.

[Anonymous]

Women in accounting aren't very conventionally attractive in general. However, they also aren't particularly successful in the dating or marriage market. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Majority of smart and ambitious men now want a wholesome package for a life partner, not just a supermodel, well unless she is also a package.

In a good package, they prefer looks, temperament, decent family background, education, mental health, social skills, career, income, credit score etc. One factor can slightly compensate for other factors but only up to a certain extent.

Why would we care about her career, family, credit score, or education beyond a certain minimum. Men don’t read a woman’s resume when dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Majority of smart and ambitious men now want a wholesome package for a life partner, not just a supermodel, well unless she is also a package.

In a good package, they prefer looks, temperament, decent family background, education, mental health, social skills, career, income, credit score etc. One factor can slightly compensate for other factors but only up to a certain extent.

“Temperament?” These are not show dogs or horses.

[Anonymous]

“Hot” is a very specific look in my opinion. There are loads of attractive women out there who are not categorically hot nor desire to be. You. And be attractive because of your personality, your sense of humor, the energy you exude etc… You can also come off as physically attractive and not be “hot”. You can be pretty, pulled together, fresh and energetic looking, fit and active with great tone etc etc…

I think it is prudent to want to be as attractive as you can be if you are trying to attract a spouse. This doesn’t mean you have to make yourself “hot”. You can wear coordinated clothes that are polished and complement your body type. Get a haircut that suits your face shape. Stay active so that you have good tone, good energy and bright skin. If you like sneakers have pairs that work well with certain outfits. You can still look pulled together and shop at the stores you enjoy.

Most of us out here who are or have dated are not “hot”.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Took the first step of taking off Apple Watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did forget to mention that I have a ton of face acne that I am still working on through dietary & topical medicine changes.

OP, ask your dermatologist about Spironolactone. Miraculous for many who have had no luck with topicals.

[Anonymous]

Jenna Marbles made a classic video on this.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x156wv4

But seriously, you have a thin, hot body. You should wear form-fitting clothes or show some skin. Yes, clear up your skin. Grow your hair long. Wear heels. Wear something colorful or sparkly.

The 5'8"+ women of DCUM will tell you to stay away from tall men because, you don't "need" one like they do. Those women rule out 80% of men on height alone. Remember, men are dumb and visual. My 6'7" friend went crazy for any 5'10" girl in the gym because he could see them!

If you want online dating, then read Amy Webb's book. Get your hair and make-up done, then get professional photos for online dating. You will be outnumbered and receive plenty of messages.

There are also places in real life where you will be outnumbered. Sports bars, sporting events. Military bases. Most things involving science, business, and finance.

In sum:

1) Look pretty, or at least slutty.
2) Put yourself in front of men.
3) Profit!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jenna Marbles made a classic video on this.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x156wv4

But seriously, you have a thin, hot body. You should wear form-fitting clothes or show some skin. Yes, clear up your skin. Grow your hair long. Wear heels. Wear something colorful or sparkly.

The 5'8"+ women of DCUM will tell you to stay away from tall men because, you don't "need" one like they do. Those women rule out 80% of men on height alone. Remember, men are dumb and visual. My 6'7" friend went crazy for any 5'10" girl in the gym because he could see them!

If you want online dating, then read Amy Webb's book. Get your hair and make-up done, then get professional photos for online dating. You will be outnumbered and receive plenty of messages.

There are also places in real life where you will be outnumbered. Sports bars, sporting events. Military bases. Most things involving science, business, and finance.

In sum:

1) Look pretty, or at least slutty.
2) Put yourself in front of men.
3) Profit!

OP here. This isn’t what I’m looking for. If that means fewer prospects, so be it.

Will follow the Patagonia and Lululemon suggestion.