Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not “hot”

[Anonymous]

It’s like you’re defying men to find you attractive underneath “all that”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did forget to mention that I have a ton of face acne that I am still working on through dietary & topical medicine changes.

I had hormonal acne in my 20s. Try spirnolactone. It was a game changer for me.

[Anonymous]

OP, life is not a romance novel. It’s not that you are “JUST NOT LIKE THE OTHER GIRLS” and somehow a handsome rich guy sees your awesomeness beneath your shabby exterior and swoops you away. And that thinking is kinda pretentious. You try to present your best self to attract men who are attractive to you. And it’s ok to not want to do that, but be cleared eye that you are kneecapping yourself and also shrinking your pool of potential partners. Which is also ok. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you dressing like a 40 year old woman? Its not about changing your style but you can definitely wear more flattering clothes.

Hey, most 40 year old women dress much better than OP!

yep. I am 50 and know how to dress for my shape, age and still be fashionable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White woman in my early 20s working in the Accounting field making approximately $80k/year. Am about 5”4 and 110 lbs with brown hair. But, I am definitely not “hot.” I am hygienic and get my hair trimmed often, has braces and wear a retainer, wear light makeup but the only piece of jewelry I wear whatsoever is an Apple Watch. My favorite brands to wear are Land’s End, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer and JCrew. I wear turtlenecks and loose jeans with running sneakers outside of work. No cleavage ever.

I would rather be single than be with someone who wants me to change my style FWIW.

I'm not sure quite sure what you're asking. The majority of people are not hot, and most everyone gets married, so not-hot people date and marry every day.

You will definitely have more success dating if you looked like you care about dating and were friendly and approachable. At your age and weight, it wouldn't take much effort to look nicer.

[Anonymous]

Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

Does OP sound like a warm and receptive person in her responses or does she sound like a stick in the mud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

And yet, between OP and a skinny, warm, receptive, stylishly dressed woman, you'll pick #2 in 100% of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

And yet, between OP and a skinny, warm, receptive, stylishly dressed woman, you'll pick #2 in 100% of the time.

I have an acne fetish that trumps everything else, so in this case I will pick OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

Skinny isn't healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

Skinny isn't healthy.

What's the minimum dress size to be healthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

And yet, between OP and a skinny, warm, receptive, stylishly dressed woman, you'll pick #2 in 100% of the time.

I have an acne fetish that trumps everything else, so in this case I will pick OP.

See OP. There’s someone for everyone. If you will have acne fetish guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

Skinny isn't healthy.

Europe says otherwise

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here. Don't focus on fashion. Instead take care to stay skinny and be warm and receptive to men. No matter how much make up and expensive/fashionable clothing women wear, men can sense whether a woman has a decent and healthy body. Staying skinny is part of that equation.

Most women are overweight, just by staying skinny you are beating others. If you can be warm and receptive you will find a good man. Good luck.

Skinny isn't healthy.

What's the minimum dress size to be healthy?

For me I prefer 6-10, 4 bare minimum.

I am 6'4", decently good looking, with good muscle definition and skinny is not a turn on for me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Need to go to places with shared interests.

THIS. OP, you've focused on looks and wardrobe, so PPs have as well. Yes, you DO need to look more your age and like a professional adult and a grown woman, but you also need to think less about physical "hotness" overall and more about what you really want in someone else. Like this PP says: Involve yourself in places, or rather activities, based on interests. Dates based on looks are OK but what is going to last--and be a LOT more fun than always wondering if you're hot "enough" for a next date-- is just doing what you personally value and find interesting or entertaining, and then meeting people through that. I know DCUM will yell that "it's too hard to date now, you just have to use apps" etc. but if you really want more than superficial dating, you'll do better making friends, then possibly finding dates, while doing things you like and consider important to you. Join something, participate in something, whatever. Be a joiner and an involved person. You'll be happy, that will show, and that is attractive. And you and your date(s) will have something real to talk about.

I think the two PP gave the tried and true advice here.