Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not “hot”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I did forget to mention that I have a ton of face acne that I am still working on through dietary & topical medicine changes.

Forget topical and get oral medications from a dermatologist or just ask your PCP or OBGYN. There are lots of safe and effective options available.

Sorry OP but until you get that under control nothing else about your appearance matters.

You definitely need to be screened for PCOS, by a reproductive endocrinologist. -ie. fertility dr. Or see a dermatoligst and start accutane asap

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Majority of smart and ambitious men now want a wholesome package for a life partner, not just a supermodel, well unless she is also a package.

In a good package, they prefer looks, temperament, decent family background, education, mental health, social skills, career, income, credit score etc. One factor can slightly compensate for other factors but only up to a certain extent.

“Temperament?” These are not show dogs or horses.

Yes they are!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

oh no - TIL I dress like Dennis the Menace

It sounds like you want to wear casual, comfortable clothes and shoes like Blundstones. You also want the convenience of short hair. You are inadvertently dressing like a lesbian softball coach. It reminds me of Dave Chappelle saying: "Just because you dress a certain way does not make you a whore. But you are wearing the uniform of one."

You have a wonderful slender figure. I googled outfits for thin girls, and found lots easy outfits with jeans, skirts, and tight t-shirts or strappy tops that show off your arms. A svelte woman can wear tops that would be tacky on a busty woman. Bigger women must use certain shapes to deemphasize their waists and create an hourglass appearance.

This outfit is great if you want to meet pedophiles at OshKosh B'gosh: https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-28906ec4a10d473d37a5969667b326d7-lq

This one is great if you want to meet lots of men: https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-ef88ade10a26eb2786fb74d81505af59-lq

Pretty sure you mean emphasize their waists. Deemphasizing their waist would mean wearing items the shape of potato sacks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why are you dressing like a 40 year old woman? Its not about changing your style but you can definitely wear more flattering clothes.

Hey, most 40 year old women dress much better than OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:guys. ... what they actually respond to is a lot of smiling, compliments, shared interests.

It seems like she is either lazy, or inflexible and unwilling to compromise. Does that extend to the rest of her dating life? Is she unwilling to smile and flirt? Is she unwilling to take good online dating photos?

Clothing sends a message. It is fine for OP to prefer a rugged, casual lifestyle. She might not like high-fashion. But I'll bet she prefers a man in well-fitting jeans and polished shoes like this:

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0419/1525/products/1024x1024-Men-Captain-Brandy-1_6194ed24-56e0-4d6f-bddd-71d21d269cbc_672x672.jpg

to a man in baggy khakis and old-man shoes like this:

https://www.gettyimages.com/detail/photo/senior-man-feet-and-cane-walking-on-sidewalk-royalty-free-image/182206493

A poorly dressed man signifies that he is socially inept, boring, and not accommodating. A woman who dresses like Old Mother Hubbard sends a similar message of cluelessness. Men pay for dates, and when you show up dressed inappropriately, you send a message that you are rude or not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:White woman in my early 20s working in the Accounting field making approximately $80k/year. Am about 5”4 and 110 lbs with brown hair. But, I am definitely not “hot.” I am hygienic and get my hair trimmed often, has braces and wear a retainer, wear light makeup but the only piece of jewelry I wear whatsoever is an Apple Watch. My favorite brands to wear are Land’s End, LL Bean, Eddie Bauer and JCrew. I wear turtlenecks and loose jeans with running sneakers outside of work. No cleavage ever.

I would rather be single than be with someone who wants me to change my style FWIW.

I don't really understand what you're looking for in this thread? My advice is to go on some dates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you plain AND boring? Being boring will keep you single way longer than being plain. Plain looking folks pair up every day.

So do boring folks though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: "Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not “hot”"

Internet sites such as Photofeeler rate your dating photos. I suggest using them to compare photos. Take some with your Dennis the Menace uniform of turtlenecks, fleece, baggy jeans, and Blundstones. Then take some photos wearing a colorful sundress, or skirt and sleeveless top. Warning: You might actually be hot, and must then suffer from the realization that your dating problems stem from a withdrawn personality.

Seriously, many daters drew inspiration and results from "Opposite Day." I can elaborate if necessary.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Y_6fZGSOQI

[Anonymous]

You can dress more stylish but keep the modesty if that’s what you’re going for. Try a jump to a store that’s not too far from where you shop now…maybe try Boden. Buy one to 2 outfits that are already put together on the website. Wear them and see how you feel and how others respond (matters less). You just are going with what’s comfy vs. what might be flattering bc you’ve drawn a box around yourself. Don’t be so serious! Live a little!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can dress more stylish but keep the modesty if that’s what you’re going for. Try a jump to a store that’s not too far from where you shop now…maybe try Boden. Buy one to 2 outfits that are already put together on the website. Wear them and see how you feel and how others respond (matters less). You just are going with what’s comfy vs. what might be flattering bc you’ve drawn a box around yourself. Don’t be so serious! Live a little!

Boden is so mumsy. All wrong for an early 20-something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can dress more stylish but keep the modesty if that’s what you’re going for. Try a jump to a store that’s not too far from where you shop now…maybe try Boden. Buy one to 2 outfits that are already put together on the website. Wear them and see how you feel and how others respond (matters less). You just are going with what’s comfy vs. what might be flattering bc you’ve drawn a box around yourself. Don’t be so serious! Live a little!

Boden is so mumsy. All wrong for an early 20-something.

She needs a bridge. I mean you can’t ask her to go from LL bean to agent provocateur overnight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can dress more stylish but keep the modesty if that’s what you’re going for. Try a jump to a store that’s not too far from where you shop now…maybe try Boden. Buy one to 2 outfits that are already put together on the website. Wear them and see how you feel and how others respond (matters less). You just are going with what’s comfy vs. what might be flattering bc you’ve drawn a box around yourself. Don’t be so serious! Live a little!

Boden is so mumsy. All wrong for an early 20-something.

She needs a bridge. I mean you can’t ask her to go from LL bean to agent provocateur overnight!

She said she shops at J Crew. There are so many things you can buy at J Crew that could be cute/trendy for someone in their early 20s. You can also shop there and walk out looking like a frump fest. It’s all about what you choose and how you style it.

[Anonymous]

Tysons, Nieman Marcus
Be in women’s shoes at 4:45, don’t worry I’ll find you in a sec!

We’re doing this!

[Anonymous]

I think there’s been research done that shows that people usually end up with partners that are about as attractive as they are. Anecdotally, I would say this is true. Conventionally attractive people attract other conventionally attractive people, average attracts average, and the really unfortunate looking ones end up with other unfortunate looking ones. Think about the couples you know, and you’ll realize this is mostly true.

It sounds like you’re pretty average looking. Look for average looking men. The really hot ones are going to end up with hot women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can dress more stylish but keep the modesty if that’s what you’re going for. Try a jump to a store that’s not too far from where you shop now…maybe try Boden. Buy one to 2 outfits that are already put together on the website. Wear them and see how you feel and how others respond (matters less). You just are going with what’s comfy vs. what might be flattering bc you’ve drawn a box around yourself. Don’t be so serious! Live a little!

Boden is so mumsy. All wrong for an early 20-something.

She needs a bridge. I mean you can’t ask her to go from LL bean to agent provocateur overnight!

She could wear AP under her LL Bean. That would be a nice surprise for her beaux!