Talk to me about dating as a woman who is not “hot”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think how you dress is fine for the most part, and you seem adamant about not wanting to change your style, which is fine. I do find it interesting that you're shopping at places mostly frequented by women in their late 30s and above. If you enjoy comfortable, outdoorsy clothes, I would suggest branching out to brands like Patagonia and Lululemon, which are still athleisure but more fashionable and popular among women your age.

Also, if you have a beautiful face and a fit body, men would still be drawn to you in spite of your understated style. But if you're average-looking, you would have to put in more effort to get male attention. Again, it depends on how much attention you actually want.

Agree with Patagonia. Also Columbia. I’m a huge REI fan and their membership has paid for itself for me in free returns.

There’s a difference between “pretty”/femme presenting and “polished”. Think about how you can polish up your appearance with the same style — is your hair usually air dry? Try a straightener or a curler to smooth it out, but keep the style you like (I’m getting “outdoorsy”). Try a fashion vest over the turtleneck (I got one from REI - slightly fitted but keeps me nice and cozy). Think about where you like the loose jeans - they start to look polished if they’re on the crisper side, a color other than medium wash denim, and belted. A belt can elevate an outfit from “teenager” to “working professional” Tuck in the shirt and and you’re getting towards 2022 fashion trends.

Also thoughts on boots? Not fashion booties, but something like Sorel or Merril that has a solid black or brown above the ankle boot. That will also kick an outfit up a polish level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jenna Marbles made a classic video on this.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x156wv4

But seriously, you have a thin, hot body. You should wear form-fitting clothes or show some skin. Yes, clear up your skin. Grow your hair long. Wear heels. Wear something colorful or sparkly.

The 5'8"+ women of DCUM will tell you to stay away from tall men because, you don't "need" one like they do. Those women rule out 80% of men on height alone. Remember, men are dumb and visual. My 6'7" friend went crazy for any 5'10" girl in the gym because he could see them!

If you want online dating, then read Amy Webb's book. Get your hair and make-up done, then get professional photos for online dating. You will be outnumbered and receive plenty of messages.

There are also places in real life where you will be outnumbered. Sports bars, sporting events. Military bases. Most things involving science, business, and finance.

In sum:

1) Look pretty, or at least slutty.
2) Put yourself in front of men.
3) Profit!

Please ignore this person..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think how you dress is fine for the most part, and you seem adamant about not wanting to change your style, which is fine. I do find it interesting that you're shopping at places mostly frequented by women in their late 30s and above. If you enjoy comfortable, outdoorsy clothes, I would suggest branching out to brands like Patagonia and Lululemon, which are still athleisure but more fashionable and popular among women your age.

Also, if you have a beautiful face and a fit body, men would still be drawn to you in spite of your understated style. But if you're average-looking, you would have to put in more effort to get male attention. Again, it depends on how much attention you actually want.

Agree with Patagonia. Also Columbia. I’m a huge REI fan and their membership has paid for itself for me in free returns.

There’s a difference between “pretty”/femme presenting and “polished”. Think about how you can polish up your appearance with the same style — is your hair usually air dry? Try a straightener or a curler to smooth it out, but keep the style you like (I’m getting “outdoorsy”). Try a fashion vest over the turtleneck (I got one from REI - slightly fitted but keeps me nice and cozy). Think about where you like the loose jeans - they start to look polished if they’re on the crisper side, a color other than medium wash denim, and belted. A belt can elevate an outfit from “teenager” to “working professional” Tuck in the shirt and and you’re getting towards 2022 fashion trends.

Also thoughts on boots? Not fashion booties, but something like Sorel or Merril that has a solid black or brown above the ankle boot. That will also kick an outfit up a polish level.

OP here. I love blundstones but the price is steep imo. Am considering them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jenna Marbles made a classic video on this.

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x156wv4

But seriously, you have a thin, hot body. You should wear form-fitting clothes or show some skin. Yes, clear up your skin. Grow your hair long. Wear heels. Wear something colorful or sparkly.

The 5'8"+ women of DCUM will tell you to stay away from tall men because, you don't "need" one like they do. Those women rule out 80% of men on height alone. Remember, men are dumb and visual. My 6'7" friend went crazy for any 5'10" girl in the gym because he could see them!

If you want online dating, then read Amy Webb's book. Get your hair and make-up done, then get professional photos for online dating. You will be outnumbered and receive plenty of messages.

There are also places in real life where you will be outnumbered. Sports bars, sporting events. Military bases. Most things involving science, business, and finance.

In sum:

1) Look pretty, or at least slutty.
2) Put yourself in front of men.
3) Profit!

Please ignore this person..

No, as a guy this resonates. Some may look down at dressing “slutty”, but what that does is signal that the woman doesn’t have hang ups about her body. Those hang ups are a huge turn off.

And going where the guys are and having a good OD profile is just common sense.

[Anonymous]

OP, random non-hot guy weighing in here. You'll be fine - some guys will rule you on looks, but they were probably out of your league anyway. The rest? You sound like you will pass the first screen for most.

But honestly, they way you describe yourself and the way you respond so some of the posts here makes you sound a bit dull and like you are very averse to change.

You don't have to invent a new personality or dress like a slut and get plastic surgery - but you should be open to doing interesting things and taking a few simple steps to making yourself as attractive as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Majority of smart and ambitious men now want a wholesome package for a life partner, not just a supermodel, well unless she is also a package.

In a good package, they prefer looks, temperament, decent family background, education, mental health, social skills, career, income, credit score etc. One factor can slightly compensate for other factors but only up to a certain extent.

Why would we care about her career, family, credit score, or education beyond a certain minimum. Men don’t read a woman’s resume when dating.

Times have changed and gender roles too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, random non-hot guy weighing in here. You'll be fine - some guys will rule you on looks, but they were probably out of your league anyway. The rest? You sound like you will pass the first screen for most.

But honestly, they way you describe yourself and the way you respond so some of the posts here makes you sound a bit dull and like you are very averse to change.

You don't have to invent a new personality or dress like a slut and get plastic surgery - but you should be open to doing interesting things and taking a few simple steps to making yourself as attractive as possible.

+1 you sound kind of a debbie downer

[Anonymous]

Accutane, OP!

[Anonymous]

Very hard for an early 20s, educated woman who is 5'4" and 110 pounds to be unattractive. Unless your personality is terrible, you'll be fine.

[Anonymous]

I’m thinking George Costanza for you.

[Anonymous]

OP, get some confidence and believe in yourself. You live in Washington DC. This is a nerdy, intellectual town with VERY few "hot" people. Yes, do what you can about your looks but it sounds like you have a great resume (Accounting is one of the most practical and steady jobs one can have), and focus on your hobbies & interests.
I find men in this town care about what's more in your head and what you do then what you look like.
Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Stand tall and put your shoulders back. Good posture is a natural beauty secret.

Be yourself.

As you age you will consistently look younger as you are not overweight. Poundage makes women look matronly and ages them.

[Anonymous]

The ugliest woman I know married a handsome, independently wealthy man who adores her.
Prior to her marriage, she broke one heart after another. One of the men she left in her wake cried to me “It’s like she forces you to fall for her”.

I’m not sure if she’s a good person, but she certainly never had any problems in the dating department.

Meanwhile, I know three beautiful women, two of them former models, who, into their forties, haven’t yet met a man who didn’t treat them like crap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, random non-hot guy weighing in here. You'll be fine - some guys will rule you on looks, but they were probably out of your league anyway. The rest? You sound like you will pass the first screen for most.

But honestly, they way you describe yourself and the way you respond so some of the posts here makes you sound a bit dull and like you are very averse to change.

You don't have to invent a new personality or dress like a slut and get plastic surgery - but you should be open to doing interesting things and taking a few simple steps to making yourself as attractive as possible.

+1 woman here and you seem very inflexible OP. That is generally not an appealing quality in dating someone.

I dress similarly but I'm a 40 something married mom. I do put in more effort some of the time. Most people do. And more so in their 20s!

[Anonymous]

You're not fat. You should do OK