Everyone's Too Busy to Be Friends

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walk to school. Do an activity with other friends. Host a party or larger playdate. Do smaller one on one playdates with kids your kids really get along well with.

OP. I'm doing all this, but many people are too busy to join activities, playdates, or parties. The only people who RSVP yes are socially awkward or boring. I feel like I'm doomed to hang out with people I don't actually like because all the interesting people's dance cards are full.

LOL. How do you know you don't seem "awkward or boring" to the people you are trying to hang out with?
Honestly, I would get to know these "awkward or boring" people. It's not high school anymore.

[Anonymous]

I made most of my friends here through work (industry groups etc. if not within my own company), or they are spouses of DH's friends or colleagues. Are you friendly with anyone in your work circles?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have always made friends very easily. Then I moved to the DMV and noticed people only want to be friends with you if they feel they can get something from you - status, vacations, access to other people, etc. Honestly, DH and I didn't enjoy it and moved to NYC two years later.

These types of posts are so absurd (and frequent). You have met and experienced all the people in the DMV. You have a region of millions of people completely figured out. I'm sure you've done the same in NYC.

[Anonymous]

My perspective - I save my weekends for family. That means getting together with extended family or with family friends. Kids may do play dates but I’m not cultivating friendships during those now that the kids are older.

I am happy to have a moms night during the week with people I don’t know that well. Then if we become closer, I would be up for a full family event. But DH is not going to hang out with sort of random people on his time off when even the wife isn’t (yet) that important to me.

[Anonymous]

Join a book group or some other regularly scheduled activity where you see the people over and over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walk to school. Do an activity with other friends. Host a party or larger playdate. Do smaller one on one playdates with kids your kids really get along well with.

OP. I'm doing all this, but many people are too busy to join activities, playdates, or parties. The only people who RSVP yes are socially awkward or boring. I feel like I'm doomed to hang out with people I don't actually like because all the interesting people's dance cards are full.

LOL. How do you know you don't seem "awkward or boring" to the people you are trying to hang out with?
Honestly, I would get to know these "awkward or boring" people. It's not high school anymore.

There are still awkward and boring adults. OP could have framed it a bit more kindly. But let's get real not everyone has a great personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walk to school. Do an activity with other friends. Host a party or larger playdate. Do smaller one on one playdates with kids your kids really get along well with.

OP. I'm doing all this, but many people are too busy to join activities, playdates, or parties. The only people who RSVP yes are socially awkward or boring. I feel like I'm doomed to hang out with people I don't actually like because all the interesting people's dance cards are full.

You sound mean. Either give the "socially awkward" or "boring" people a chance or stop complaining that you don't have friends

[Anonymous]

Well, yeah, the people who are social butterflies don't need to make an effort on getting to know your family unless you have something interesting to offer. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Op, used to be in your boat when kids were little but things changed as they got older and we found our “people “. Also, we took the initiative and started hosting neighbors for big holiday parties — 4th, memorial, etc. That made a huge difference and we are very close with our neighborhood. Stay local if you can. We’re closer with those within walking distance bc of time constraints!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Church

Church is dead

[Anonymous]

I'm a homebody with one kid, who doesn’t even do sports, and we are genuinely booked every weekend this fall. Keep at it and people will free up more in the winter.

Also, enroll your kid in something like scouts so there is a set time and place to meet.

[Anonymous]

This sounds like you want to be one of the "cool moms" and they're not welcoming you into their group. Hang out with the people who are saying yes!! If they're available, willing, and your kids get along then you're good. You don't have to be best friends but you've got someone to hang out with at the playground and chat with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Church

Church is dead

Become Mormon?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walk to school. Do an activity with other friends. Host a party or larger playdate. Do smaller one on one playdates with kids your kids really get along well with.

OP. I'm doing all this, but many people are too busy to join activities, playdates, or parties. The only people who RSVP yes are socially awkward or boring. I feel like I'm doomed to hang out with people I don't actually like because all the interesting people's dance cards are full.

You sound mean. Either give the "socially awkward" or "boring" people a chance or stop complaining that you don't have friends

NP, but I agree that this take ("all the interesting people's dance cards are full") puts the issue in a new light. I make friends easily, have for decades, and "interesting" isn't high on my list of qualities I seek in a friend. Sure, that's a nice bonus, but what matters far more is being mutual, open, kind, etc. The dance card analogy doesn't work well with true adult friendships, because they're not about popularity.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I think the mistake is to ask (or expect) people to do one additional thing. My calendar is also full. I cannot do an extra thing. What I do participate in: Very social with the parents when we are at our kids activities. I am at a baseball field, scout meeting, soccer, etc seven days a week. Your new friends at this life stage - and look, it’s more social outlet than “friends” in a deeper sense - are the people you enjoy hanging out with at your kids’ shared extracurricular.