Everyone's Too Busy to Be Friends

[Anonymous]

We moved to the DMV recently and would like to make friends with other families. We've met a bunch of people, but everyone I'd like to get to know better seems so busy with work and extracurriculars and their existing friends. They all keep saying "oh, we should get together soon", but whenever I suggest doing something, they have plans. It just feels like all the interesting families are "taken" already, and I'm getting really discouraged.

In our last hometown, I easily made friends through a moms group when I had my first baby. Kindergarten was another natural time when people were looking to meet others. But now I feel like I'm too late. Any advice?

[Anonymous]

We've been here since our kids were little and have the same experience. Many posters on DCUM say the same. I'm not sure if this is just the way it is or if all of us who post on DCUM are social outcasts with social outcasts kids.

But at least our outcast kids aren't unique. There are many kids like them.

[Anonymous]

I am legitimately too busy to make family friends. My kids are in elementary school. I have friends from pre kids who still live in the area. I have work friends. I have neighborhood friends. I have some friends we've made through kid's schools and activities (although not many honestly). I don't have capacity or desire to meet new families honestly.

I think people are probably being honest when they tell you they'd like to get together, but there just isn't a good time.

I'd say keep trying with those you are interested in connecting with, and eventually something will free up. Don't take it personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am legitimately too busy to make family friends. My kids are in elementary school. I have friends from pre kids who still live in the area. I have work friends. I have neighborhood friends. I have some friends we've made through kid's schools and activities (although not many honestly). I don't have capacity or desire to meet new families honestly.

I think people are probably being honest when they tell you they'd like to get together, but there just isn't a good time.

I'd say keep trying with those you are interested in connecting with, and eventually something will free up. Don't take it personally.

Same. It's not personal. Even with some old friends, life has gotten really busy and we all have the best intentions, but struggle to find time to meet up more often than once a quarter.

[Anonymous]

Yes, maybe see if your kids can be in the same activity, drop-off playdate, or something on a Friday or Saturday evening. Just keep trying OP. We are fairly busy but open to new friendships. It can take time!

[Anonymous]

Walk to school. Do an activity with other friends. Host a party or larger playdate. Do smaller one on one playdates with kids your kids really get along well with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've been here since our kids were little and have the same experience. Many posters on DCUM say the same. I'm not sure if this is just the way it is or if all of us who post on DCUM are social outcasts with social outcasts kids.

But at least our outcast kids aren't unique. There are many kids like them.

I know moms who move into the area and have 30 new best friends almost immediately but they are very friendly and so are their kids as well as type A in terms of organizing activities.

[Anonymous]

We found a good number of like minded folks who became friends through Scouting. The adults spend time hanging out during meetings and camp outs and field trips. It made it easier to have time to talk and figure out that we enjoyed spending time together. It also meant we had same interests so inviting people to do things was easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am legitimately too busy to make family friends. My kids are in elementary school. I have friends from pre kids who still live in the area. I have work friends. I have neighborhood friends. I have some friends we've made through kid's schools and activities (although not many honestly). I don't have capacity or desire to meet new families honestly.

I think people are probably being honest when they tell you they'd like to get together, but there just isn't a good time.

I'd say keep trying with those you are interested in connecting with, and eventually something will free up. Don't take it personally.

Same. It's not personal. Even with some old friends, life has gotten really busy and we all have the best intentions, but struggle to find time to meet up more often than once a quarter.

OP. I know it's not personal, these people are legitimately busy (and I've had times myself when I just did not have the capacity to meet new people). So I'm not offended, I am just feeling lonely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am legitimately too busy to make family friends. My kids are in elementary school. I have friends from pre kids who still live in the area. I have work friends. I have neighborhood friends. I have some friends we've made through kid's schools and activities (although not many honestly). I don't have capacity or desire to meet new families honestly.

I think people are probably being honest when they tell you they'd like to get together, but there just isn't a good time.

I'd say keep trying with those you are interested in connecting with, and eventually something will free up. Don't take it personally.

Same. It's not personal. Even with some old friends, life has gotten really busy and we all have the best intentions, but struggle to find time to meet up more often than once a quarter.

Agree with both PPs. But keep trying and extending invitations OP. Be specific too, none of this vauge, oh we should get together this weekend. At least have a somewhat specific invitation: “we’d love to have your family over for dinner this weekend. Would Saturday or Sunday afternoon work?”

You have better luck laying the friendship groundwork with SAHMs. Even if they are super busy overall, the can generally meet up for lunch or coffee here and there. Once you get to know each other a little better then they will be more likeLy to accept future invitations to other things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Walk to school. Do an activity with other friends. Host a party or larger playdate. Do smaller one on one playdates with kids your kids really get along well with.

OP. I'm doing all this, but many people are too busy to join activities, playdates, or parties. The only people who RSVP yes are socially awkward or boring. I feel like I'm doomed to hang out with people I don't actually like because all the interesting people's dance cards are full.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. I don’t know why people are being so unfriendly. People do work long hours, have bad commutes and over schedule their kids, so I know what you mean. Is it possible you don’t seem like a match for some reason? People can be a bit tribal in looking for like-minded friends around here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Walk to school. Do an activity with other friends. Host a party or larger playdate. Do smaller one on one playdates with kids your kids really get along well with.

OP. I'm doing all this, but many people are too busy to join activities, playdates, or parties. The only people who RSVP yes are socially awkward or boring. I feel like I'm doomed to hang out with people I don't actually like because all the interesting people's dance cards are full.

I think you need to give it time. I can really relate to your post. I moved (within the metro area) when my kids were preschool age and it was exhausting. Lots of friend auditions and lots of flops and sometimes feeling rejected. One woman in the neighborhood immediately asked me to do a bunch of things and I figured out it was because she was super awkward and couldn't even hold a conversation. Just be out and about and visible and friendly and get involved in things and it will happen organically. Be a coach, be a troop leader, volunteer to be the class mom, go to the bus stop every day if you have one (those are great for meeting people). Just put yourself out there as much as possible and in a year or two things will click with someone.

[Anonymous]

I have always made friends very easily. Then I moved to the DMV and noticed people only want to be friends with you if they feel they can get something from you - status, vacations, access to other people, etc. Honestly, DH and I didn't enjoy it and moved to NYC two years later.

[Anonymous]

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