Divorced SAHMs and younger professional women: sugar babies?

[Anonymous]

Why does wanting to date someone who is generous and giving equate to a sex worker? When I think sex worker, I think envelop of cash in exchange for an act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle aged guy. Lately I've been shocked by how similar the 20 something childless women and the 40 something moms without jobs have been on the dating apps. When they text they almost always start to use words like "generous" or "giving" or "pampering" to describe what they want in a relationship. A lot of younger women do this even if they have real jobs. A lot of older women do this even if they have been living very respectable lives with kids. I didn't expect this. Sometimes it's hard to tell who wants a sugar daddy.

40 something woman here and I totally 100% agree with you. No way would I want to be a 40 something guy in this area in the dating pool right now. Big responsibility to take on a SAHM divorced woman, plus whatever came before! I can honestly think of at least ten women who are divorced right now, looking to "upgrade" - going into big debt to do so. Gross. World's oldest profession. Wouldn't doubt if a guilty party tries to have my opinion/experience removed for speaking the truth.

how are they going into debt to 'upgrade'? Surgery? Expensive dermatology procedures?

A lot of middle aged divorce men don't want to take on another dependent/broke SAHM if they are already supporting an Ex and kids.

[Anonymous]

Women in their 20s want to have kids so they want a man who makes good money and who will be involved with the kids and at home.

Women in their 30s have kids and realize men don’t pitch in when it comes to domestic labor.

Women in their 40s are freaking exhausted from all the years of raising kids basically solo and have learned all men are good for is money, so if you’re gonna deal with a selfish loser, better to be one with money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does wanting to date someone who is generous and giving equate to a sex worker? When I think sex worker, I think envelop of cash in exchange for an act.

Nobody looking for a real relationship is texting someone they have never met about how they are looking for someone "generous" and "giving." I mean I'm sure there are legit situations where those words might be used, but that's not what OP is describing. What he's getting is not "my ex-husband didn't understand that acts of service are my love language and I want to find someone who is generous about doing the dishes."

[Anonymous]

You are a middle-aged man trying to date 20-something women. What...exactly did you expect?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does wanting to date someone who is generous and giving equate to a sex worker? When I think sex worker, I think envelop of cash in exchange for an act.

I think OP's point is there is a vernacular used by would-be sugar babies that includes the word "generous." It can be hard to tell who is using that word more innocently versus who is talking in code about an arrangement.

OP, I think the answer is what do the photos show. The "seeking arrangement" types are going to have a different set of photographs than a woman who uses that term with no ulterior motive or knowledge of what it can signal. At least that was my experience when I was doing the dating app thing and swiping left and right on women. (I'm actually a pretty generous guy, but I wasn't "seeking arrangement" and I was turned off by that sort of language. But I also wasn't particularly interested in dating 20-somethings -- I was 47 at the time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a middle-aged man trying to date 20-something women. What...exactly did you expect?

This. Why else would an attractive 20-something date a middle aged man? And 40-something women have BTDT and if you're going to use them for just hookups, maybe they expect something in return, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eta there are certainly some younger women or older women with kids who are killing it financially (I’m a single mom by choice and very comfortable) but this isn’t the most common scenario.

+1

Exactly. The ex husband pays for the house in a nice area and luxury car, but the divorced woman wants more - not saying this is every woman, but I have seen enough of them to know that too many of these women exist. If OP were my son, I would want them to know.

What planet are you on? My ex husband earns 600K and pays for nothing. We live in a crappy apartment, my kid attends public and I paid for my own non-luxury car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why does wanting to date someone who is generous and giving equate to a sex worker? When I think sex worker, I think envelop of cash in exchange for an act.

I know two women who dated in return for being treated "generously" they both saw it as edgy and sex work lite. One was a divorced 30 something mom and the other is the recent college grad daughter of a friend. In my armchair analysis, one was using this arrangement to work through some personal trauma and the other was lazy and raised to think of men as dumb sex robots that deserved to be used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does wanting to date someone who is generous and giving equate to a sex worker? When I think sex worker, I think envelop of cash in exchange for an act.

I know two women who dated in return for being treated "generously" they both saw it as edgy and sex work lite. One was a divorced 30 something mom and the other is the recent college grad daughter of a friend. In my armchair analysis, one was using this arrangement to work through some personal trauma and the other was lazy and raised to think of men as dumb sex robots that deserved to be used.

Or possibly it is a power trip for the woman in such an arrangement.

[Anonymous]

What are you looking for, OP? Do you want a long-term relationship, or do you just want a sugar baby, but for free? It kid of seems like the latter based on your post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a middle aged guy. Lately I've been shocked by how similar the 20 something childless women and the 40 something moms without jobs have been on the dating apps. When they text they almost always start to use words like "generous" or "giving" or "pampering" to describe what they want in a relationship. A lot of younger women do this even if they have real jobs. A lot of older women do this even if they have been living very respectable lives with kids. I didn't expect this. Sometimes it's hard to tell who wants a sugar daddy.

This may shock you but there are men who are like this with their wives, and simply with the women they love. It can be material, sexual or emotional. Not all men are takers.

+1

[Anonymous]

A close friend did this in her early 30s. She came from a wealthy family and had a good career. She said she was bored and sick of dating losers, so she tried out a website and had fun with it for a while until someone she met treated her poorly, then she quit and that's when it all came out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does wanting to date someone who is generous and giving equate to a sex worker? When I think sex worker, I think envelop of cash in exchange for an act.

I know two women who dated in return for being treated "generously" they both saw it as edgy and sex work lite. One was a divorced 30 something mom and the other is the recent college grad daughter of a friend. In my armchair analysis, one was using this arrangement to work through some personal trauma and the other was lazy and raised to think of men as dumb sex robots that deserved to be used.

Or possibly it is a power trip for the woman in such an arrangement.

Definitely, that too.

[Anonymous]

I would also like to date someone generous and giving as those as personality traits I value. I won't go on a second date with a guy if he didn't pay for the first (usually just a coffee or a drink). That being said, I am not looking for a sugar daddy...just someone who can support himself and doesn't nickel and dime in relationships. I make 250k+/year, and I am also very generous.