Arranged Marriage?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As long as she’s on board. Honestly, dating is hard for beautiful, educated and ambitious women. It’s hard finding a man that would be considered your equal. There are just not enough of these high quality men around. I hope that improves with the new generations.

I agree. And I think if both of them are on board it has a reasonable chance for success. So much of marriage is about the choice to partner together rather than love. Also, love is much easier when you are compatible.

That isn’t true technically.

Beautiful ambitious educated men and women exist in equal numbers on a population basis

Those men though have a wide pool they are willing to fish from whereas their women equals Will not.

Hence the appearance of constricted supply.

[Anonymous]

They don’t really know each other, it’s too early to call it a happily forever. Physician couples have a high divorce rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. She probably isn’t as pretty as you claim she is

2. She and/or her parents wouldn’t consider someone who is a non-doctor (or equivalent ses level of a doc)

Those are the reasons why the non-arranged market didn’t work for her.

When markets don’t clear, interventions need to happen in order to find a solution.

Once you start viewing mating in market terms, everything makes sense

DP. Whatever. I'm Indian-American and while I met my DH the so-called "American way" I know people who have gone the Indian matchmaking route and are very happy. My DH is from LDS background and says much the same happens at Mormon singles wards, where the Bishop or some such elder basically pairs off the members.

I never said they wouldn’t be happy.

My post had nothing to do with if the pairing will be successful or not. If I were to bet, it’ll be fine.

My post was answering op’s puzzlement

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. She probably isn’t as pretty as you claim she is

2. She and/or her parents wouldn’t consider someone who is a non-doctor (or equivalent ses level of a doc)

Those are the reasons why the non-arranged market didn’t work for her.

When markets don’t clear, interventions need to happen in order to find a solution.

Once you start viewing mating in market terms, everything makes sense

Or maybe guys she met on her own were looking for a quick score, had the moral values of a rabbit in estrus, thought exclusivity was optional, or otherwise looked nothing like the person she had a right to expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They don’t really know each other, it’s too early to call it a happily forever. Physician couples have a high divorce rate.

Dual Physician Indian couples don’t.

It’s exceedingly rare.

The expected value of this marriage leans heavily to “making it”

I’d bet on this couple before I’d bet on a random white couple in dc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My Indian-American neighbor’s daughter just got married to someone her parents found through an Indian matchmaker. She is good looking, has a good personality, really charming young woman, doing her medical residency. She dated several boys but didn’t really like anyone enough to go into a relationship. Her parents were getting anxious due to cultural norms of getting married before 30. They contacted some match makers and eventually found a good match. He is finishing up last year of medical school in NJ and has a residency slot secured here in Virginia. Their daughter met him few times in person and chatted over zoom and phone as well. They liked each other and agreed to marry.

It feels strange to me as they don’t really know each other but her parents are quite confident it has as much chance of working out as a love marriage. They didn’t even meet each other before wedding. Only saw pictures but it all worked out for them. I wonder if this traditional set up is still common and if it still works. All of my children’s Indian-American friends who were born and raised here in US are finding their partners in standard American ways and wouldn’t even consider any parental involvement, let alone matchmaking so this arrangement is not something we ever saw up close. I was wondering if this can be an option for non-Indians who aren’t finding love around them or on dating sites.

MYOB, and a "love marriage" you mean the love that American women look for that doesn't exist and they get old and can't have a family? lolzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What’s so funny about it? Marriage doesn’t mean happy or forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t really know each other, it’s too early to call it a happily forever. Physician couples have a high divorce rate.

Dual Physician Indian couples don’t.

It’s exceedingly rare.

The expected value of this marriage leans heavily to “making it”

I’d bet on this couple before I’d bet on a random white couple in dc.

True. Lots of unhappy couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could work. Especially if they both expect that the marriage won't fulfill every single need they have for social/emotional/intellectual fulfillment, but they both expect they will be reasonable, caring people who work together to make a home and family.

The One True Love narrative is a lot of pressure.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Indian-American neighbor’s daughter just got married to someone her parents found through an Indian matchmaker. She is good looking, has a good personality, really charming young woman, doing her medical residency. She dated several boys but didn’t really like anyone enough to go into a relationship. Her parents were getting anxious due to cultural norms of getting married before 30. They contacted some match makers and eventually found a good match. He is finishing up last year of medical school in NJ and has a residency slot secured here in Virginia. Their daughter met him few times in person and chatted over zoom and phone as well. They liked each other and agreed to marry.

It feels strange to me as they don’t really know each other but her parents are quite confident it has as much chance of working out as a love marriage. They didn’t even meet each other before wedding. Only saw pictures but it all worked out for them. I wonder if this traditional set up is still common and if it still works. All of my children’s Indian-American friends who were born and raised here in US are finding their partners in standard American ways and wouldn’t even consider any parental involvement, let alone matchmaking so this arrangement is not something we ever saw up close. I was wondering if this can be an option for non-Indians who aren’t finding love around them or on dating sites.

I come from a community where this is pretty widely practiced too, although with a longer courtship phase. It's a perfectly valid way to find a partner because:

- parents have identified a match of equal background, education level and in-law family
- similar culture and expectations as to how things ought to be done
- strong family support for the match
- commitment to making it work from day 1, and no need to wonder if "he's into me" or "will call back"

I mean there are other ways to meet a spouse of course. But don't see anything wrong with the above. Our nephew found a wife this way and they are quite happy together 8 years later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. She probably isn’t as pretty as you claim she is

2. She and/or her parents wouldn’t consider someone who is a non-doctor (or equivalent ses level of a doc)

Those are the reasons why the non-arranged market didn’t work for her.

When markets don’t clear, interventions need to happen in order to find a solution.

Once you start viewing mating in market terms, everything makes sense

OP here. She is pretty, not Priyanka Chopra level pretty but still pretty. You are right about parents not even considering non-physician matches and likely that subconsciously caused her dating failure as well. Just because two people have a similar profession, it doesn’t automatically makes them compatible enough to go into a relationship.

[Anonymous]

Also, it's not really an arranged marriage. It's an arranged introduction to several vetted marriageable candidates. The girl (or boy) decides if they want to go ahead or not.

[Anonymous]

According to my Indian colleague, it’s not all as good as it seems on surface, match making and arranged marriages has its own pros and cons. He says not even educated Indians in India wants to go through it.

[Anonymous]

The parents supply the introduction and the couple still gets to decide if they want to proceed with a relationship or not. This happens on some level among rich non-Indian families too, where they look for similar wealth and social status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, it's not really an arranged marriage. It's an arranged introduction to several vetted marriageable candidates. The girl (or boy) decides if they want to go ahead or not.

It’s arranged just not forced.

[Anonymous]

We just had a close family go through this with their daughter. Parents are basically vetting and introducing candidates for their daughter to consider. She went though several and liked one, they met several times and then got engaged.