Arranged Marriage?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:According to my Indian colleague, it’s not all as good as it seems on surface, match making and arranged marriages has its own pros and cons. He says not even educated Indians in India wants to go through it.

It’s not really arranged.

It’s like “here is a list of people that fit a certain criteria”. Who on this list do you vibe with.

Here is a list of people from certain race, religion, nationality, ethnicity, cast, social class, profession, income, educational level etc., your parents approve of, please pick any flavor of vanilla you prefer.

I think this is what bothers younger generation. It’s the same in Jewish, Arab, Mormon families, always trying to hook up young folks within a small group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh, arranged doesn’t mean forced, ya know. I think going into marriage with a high level of commitment and low expectations for what *you’re* going to get out of it is always a good idea. Many choices can lead to a lot of entitlement.

Plus how many couples do you know who are utterly shocked at who their partners are ten years into marriage? Marriage is always like a box of chocolates imo.

But it is very foreign (literally and figuratively) to me, a white American, too.

Most Indians are also considered white.

[Anonymous]

I think arranged marriages can be great, and I wish I had one. I would have gotten married to a thin, pretty, hard-working virgin, rather than what I got, which was the opposite of those attributes.

But I have dated quite a few divorced South Asian woman, and plenty are from arranged marriages. I've learned arranged marriages can lack sex, intimacy, and love, and in some cases this is multigenerational--their parents also lacked those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They don’t really know each other, it’s too early to call it a happily forever. Physician couples have a high divorce rate.

Dual Physician Indian couples don’t.

It’s exceedingly rare.

The expected value of this marriage leans heavily to “making it”

I’d bet on this couple before I’d bet on a random white couple in dc.

+100 This is the couple who totally makes it in the Desi community. The stat you quoted is for White people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1. She probably isn’t as pretty as you claim she is

2. She and/or her parents wouldn’t consider someone who is a non-doctor (or equivalent ses level of a doc)

Those are the reasons why the non-arranged market didn’t work for her.

When markets don’t clear, interventions need to happen in order to find a solution.

Once you start viewing mating in market terms, everything makes sense

Probably #1. Pretty and lucrative profession Indian girls are mostly out of the market by college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, arranged doesn’t mean forced, ya know. I think going into marriage with a high level of commitment and low expectations for what *you’re* going to get out of it is always a good idea. Many choices can lead to a lot of entitlement.

Plus how many couples do you know who are utterly shocked at who their partners are ten years into marriage? Marriage is always like a box of chocolates imo.

But it is very foreign (literally and figuratively) to me, a white American, too.

Most Indians are also considered white.

Actually no, Indians aren’t Caucasians. I think Iranians are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, arranged doesn’t mean forced, ya know. I think going into marriage with a high level of commitment and low expectations for what *you’re* going to get out of it is always a good idea. Many choices can lead to a lot of entitlement.

Plus how many couples do you know who are utterly shocked at who their partners are ten years into marriage? Marriage is always like a box of chocolates imo.

But it is very foreign (literally and figuratively) to me, a white American, too.

Most Indians are also considered white.

No they’re not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. She probably isn’t as pretty as you claim she is

2. She and/or her parents wouldn’t consider someone who is a non-doctor (or equivalent ses level of a doc)

Those are the reasons why the non-arranged market didn’t work for her.

When markets don’t clear, interventions need to happen in order to find a solution.

Once you start viewing mating in market terms, everything makes sense

Probably #1. Pretty and lucrative profession Indian girls are mostly out of the market by college.

Those days are gone. My kids attended a high school an a heavily Indian suburban school district, had many in NJ colleges and grad/medical schools, have Indian work colleagues as well so friends with lots of Indians(immigrants, international students, expats, visa hires) and American born Indians. Not many American born Indian girls getting married before 30’s and it’s not because they aren’t pretty or successful, it’s because they are picky and ambitious and in no rush to get married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh, arranged doesn’t mean forced, ya know. I think going into marriage with a high level of commitment and low expectations for what *you’re* going to get out of it is always a good idea. Many choices can lead to a lot of entitlement.

Plus how many couples do you know who are utterly shocked at who their partners are ten years into marriage? Marriage is always like a box of chocolates imo.

But it is very foreign (literally and figuratively) to me, a white American, too.

Most Indians are also considered white.

No they’re not.

Agree they are not. LOL

[Anonymous]

Marrying for love is a relatively new concept, and one that is not particularly successful.

[Anonymous]

Arranged marriages can work.
However, the process is tough if you have perceived negatIves such as: short, dark, fat, not well educated. Most families and match makers go with a like-for-like philosophy. If you're a short fat dark guy guess what your arranged marriage pool looks like?

The bright side is you're not left fending for yourself.

[Anonymous]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caucasian_race

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not many American born Indian girls getting married before 30’s and it’s not because they aren’t pretty or successful, it’s because they are picky and ambitious and in no rush to get married.

Same goes for boys, local Indians aren’t really as family oriented as their parents or grandparents who grew up in India.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Arranged marriages can work.
However, the process is tough if you have perceived negatIves such as: short, dark, fat, not well educated. Most families and match makers go with a like-for-like philosophy. If you're a short fat dark guy guess what your arranged marriage pool looks like?

The bright side is you're not left fending for yourself.

If you attended a good college, went into one of the right professions, made money or came from money then you have a high value in Indian match making market, your looks wouldn’t hold you back. If didn’t do well in life then you’ll have very low demand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying for love is a relatively new concept, and one that is not particularly successful.

Seriously? Marrying for love isn’t a new concept.