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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My DS is 7. When he was born, I was pressured into giving him a family middle name. I did not dislike the name at the time, but felt really stressed by the pressure and also just overwhelmed in general while pregnant. I basically gave him the name to avoid conflict with other people, but I felt not great about it from the start.

As a result, he's never really gone by this middle name at all. I put it on paperwork when I need to, but otherwise we don't use it anywhere. He's never asked about his middle name and doesn't know he has one.

Recently I have been seized with the desire to change it. I have another one picked out -- it's a name that suits him perfectly, goes with his first and last name, and [b]has important meaning for me. [/b]

Is this insane? I would discuss it with him first and if he didn't want the name, we wouldn't do it. But if he is up for it, it would bring me a lot of happiness. I feel like I messed up in not giving him [b]a middle name that was more of a legacy/gift, something that would help him know how beloved he is.[/b] He'll have the name the rest of his life (unless of course he decided to change it) and I want it to be a good one, instead of this nothing name I put on his birth certificate because I couldn't handle another argument with my mom about it right after giving birth.

Thoughts?[/quote]

I think you are placing far too much weight on his middle name, likely because, for you, it's all tied up in your bad relationship with your mother.  You aren't going to start using his middle name more -- no one uses their kid's middle name much, unless the kid actually goes by his middle name in daily life.  I'd worry about bureaucratic headaches, even with an amended birth certificate (some forms ask if you've ever had or gone by another name, for example, and school and medical records often use the middle name), but more, I'd worry that I was using my kid's name to work out my own issues.  It's not going to mean to him what it means to you.

But I also think that he's old enough to have an opinion about it.  I'd tell him, as neutrally as possible (don't dump on your mom or family members; he's a kid and he doesn't need to deal with your baggage), why you want to change his name, and what you'd like to change it to, and see what he thinks.  "Larlo, when you were born, we named you Larlo Egbert.  Egbert is a fine middle name, and it's also your [grandfather's/uncle's/whoever's] name, but I never felt that great about it and think I picked it just because I was overwhelmed at the time.  I was thinking that Lancelot would be a better name because it seems to suit you, and it has a special meaning for me.  But it's your name, so maybe you could think about it and let me know what you'd like to do."[/quote]

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