If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

My nanny for my second did dinner prep, which included leftovers for the next day’s lunch, and laundry during my child’s nap. Did childcare and driving obviously. I signed them up for music, gymnastics, soccer, etc. She was $14/hr. and so playful and lovely with our child — we were always getting comments from his teachers about how great she was. Cleaning for our house 2x a month, around $200.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Pp here-I should also give my husband credit because he does all those things as well.

[Anonymous]

If the children are under age 5/6, I think the work SAHMs do should be heavily valued. Caring for a small child all day every day is a tough job. Nannies and daycare workers are underpaid for it. Someone doing that properly is performing a job of real value. And while I agree that WOHMs do all the same parenting as SAHMs in general, it's just not true that WOHMs do the same amount of childcare for young children. Plus depending on your job, it may not be nearly as draining as caring for, say, a 2 year old all day long. Caring for kids that age actually makes it harder to do all the other stuff (laundry, food prep, housecleaning, etc.) because the childcare piece is non-stop and very physical.

SAHMs of older kids are making a lifestyle choice. I'm not disrespecting it -- maybe I'd make the same one if my DH made a ton of money (though I think it's just not my personality). But if your kids are school age, I think it's harder to argue that you are providing a service of value over what any working parent provides. Of course all parents take care of their homes, oversee their kid's education, supports them socially and emotionally. That's what it is to be a parent no matter what you do for money.

But hats off to anyone who is providing full time care to very young kids. That's hard, and all us working moms on here know it because we you can't tell me that you don't sometimes look forward to going back to work after a long weekend or even a vacation just to get a break for how nonstop it is. Babies and toddlers are WORK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the children are under age 5/6, I think the work SAHMs do should be heavily valued. Caring for a small child all day every day is a tough job. Nannies and daycare workers are underpaid for it. Someone doing that properly is performing a job of real value. And while I agree that WOHMs do all the same parenting as SAHMs in general, it's just not true that WOHMs do the same amount of childcare for young children. Plus depending on your job, it may not be nearly as draining as caring for, say, a 2 year old all day long. Caring for kids that age actually makes it harder to do all the other stuff (laundry, food prep, housecleaning, etc.) because the childcare piece is non-stop and very physical.

SAHMs of older kids are making a lifestyle choice. I'm not disrespecting it -- maybe I'd make the same one if my DH made a ton of money (though I think it's just not my personality). But if your kids are school age, I think it's harder to argue that you are providing a service of value over what any working parent provides. Of course all parents take care of their homes, oversee their kid's education, supports them socially and emotionally. That's what it is to be a parent no matter what you do for money.

But hats off to anyone who is providing full time care to very young kids. That's hard, and all us working moms on here know it because we you can't tell me that you don't sometimes look forward to going back to work after a long weekend or even a vacation just to get a break for how nonstop it is. Babies and toddlers are WORK.

Agree with you 100%. I respect SAHMs of little ones a lot (well, at least the good ones). I would have loved to do it, but in my career it’s hard to take a long break and come back in, and I knew I didn’t want to give up my career at age 30. Luckily flexible hours and frequent WFH were possible, and that’s one thing we should all drive for, men and women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

[Anonymous]

Why do you feel the need to assign value?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you feel the need to assign value?

Yup.

I started SAH in part because I realized my paid work wasn’t exactly making the world a beautiful place, either. It was “impressive,” but was it of deep value to the world? Not really. Most jobs aren’t. It’s a bad standard to use.

Do what you enjoy, provide for your family in either time or money, be a good person. That’s all. The details aren’t that important and life is happier when we aren’t constantly questioning our self worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

What a weird comment. What do you do for a living?

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM who believes that WOH parents provide more value, generally, for society and that mothers who work outside the home usually set a better example for their daughters. I stay home primarily to pursue my goal of achieving success as a poet -- nothing that anyone would consider useful. I left what many would say was a great government career path, but I was never happy. I derive boundless contentment from the writing and reading of literature every single day. When I do finally break into the literary establishment, and get a good teaching job, I will not give it up for a thousand children. My kids do not need me in the home; my passion for Art does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you feel the need to assign value?

Yup.

I started SAH in part because I realized my paid work wasn’t exactly making the world a beautiful place, either. It was “impressive,” but was it of deep value to the world? Not really. Most jobs aren’t. It’s a bad standard to use.

Do what you enjoy, provide for your family in either time or money, be a good person. That’s all. The details aren’t that important and life is happier when we aren’t constantly questioning our self worth.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM who believes that WOH parents provide more value, generally, for society and that mothers who work outside the home usually set a better example for their daughters. I stay home primarily to pursue my goal of achieving success as a poet -- nothing that anyone would consider useful. I left what many would say was a great government career path, but I was never happy. I derive boundless contentment from the writing and reading of literature every single day. When I do finally break into the literary establishment, and get a good teaching job, I will not give it up for a thousand children. My kids do not need me in the home; my passion for Art does.

If you have a passion and you devote a meaningful amount of time to it, then that is Work and it’s a great example for your children. Same if you have a big garden that you spend a lot of time cultivating, or do a lot of home renovation (with your two hands). Unfortunately, most SAHMs with school-age kids have nothing meaningful in their lives except gym, Target runs, and PTA gossip. They are the pathetic ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM who believes that WOH parents provide more value, generally, for society and that mothers who work outside the home usually set a better example for their daughters. I stay home primarily to pursue my goal of achieving success as a poet -- nothing that anyone would consider useful. I left what many would say was a great government career path, but I was never happy. I derive boundless contentment from the writing and reading of literature every single day. When I do finally break into the literary establishment, and get a good teaching job, I will not give it up for a thousand children. My kids do not need me in the home; my passion for Art does.

If you have a passion and you devote a meaningful amount of time to it, then that is Work and it’s a great example for your children. Same if you have a big garden that you spend a lot of time cultivating, or do a lot of home renovation (with your two hands). Unfortunately, most SAHMs with school-age kids have nothing meaningful in their lives except gym, Target runs, and PTA gossip. They are the pathetic ones.

Maybe you should frame all your DCUM posts so your kids can recognize your contribution to the world. Otherwise, how will they know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.