If you’re a SAHM, how do you value your work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM who believes that WOH parents provide more value, generally, for society and that mothers who work outside the home usually set a better example for their daughters. I stay home primarily to pursue my goal of achieving success as a poet -- nothing that anyone would consider useful. I left what many would say was a great government career path, but I was never happy. I derive boundless contentment from the writing and reading of literature every single day. When I do finally break into the literary establishment, and get a good teaching job, I will not give it up for a thousand children. My kids do not need me in the home; my passion for Art does.

If you have a passion and you devote a meaningful amount of time to it, then that is Work and it’s a great example for your children. Same if you have a big garden that you spend a lot of time cultivating, or do a lot of home renovation (with your two hands). Unfortunately, most SAHMs with school-age kids have nothing meaningful in their lives except gym, Target runs, and PTA gossip. They are the pathetic ones.

Maybe you should frame all your DCUM posts so your kids can recognize your contribution to the world. Otherwise, how will they know?

🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM who believes that WOH parents provide more value, generally, for society and that mothers who work outside the home usually set a better example for their daughters. I stay home primarily to pursue my goal of achieving success as a poet -- nothing that anyone would consider useful. I left what many would say was a great government career path, but I was never happy. I derive boundless contentment from the writing and reading of literature every single day. When I do finally break into the literary establishment, and get a good teaching job, I will not give it up for a thousand children. My kids do not need me in the home; my passion for Art does.

If you have a passion and you devote a meaningful amount of time to it, then that is Work and it’s a great example for your children. Same if you have a big garden that you spend a lot of time cultivating, or do a lot of home renovation (with your two hands). Unfortunately, most SAHMs with school-age kids have nothing meaningful in their lives except gym, Target runs, and PTA gossip. They are the pathetic ones.

Maybe you should frame all your DCUM posts so your kids can recognize your contribution to the world. Otherwise, how will they know?

They see me being a kick-ass professional. They know I’ve got more going on than DCUM! Do you?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

Other than the 40 hours a week at a job, SAHMs do all the same things as working parents.

I mean, what are we even talking about? Why are you so determined to devalue the work a SAHM does, especially when you are willing to pay someone else to do it for you? Obviously it has value or you wouldn't hire someone to do it. And while that person isn't making 200k a year, anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that the value of a job to society is not fairly measured by salary. So why not just admit: the work SAHMs do has value. What does that cost you?

(DP by the way, and a working mom, I just find it weird how angry and militant you are being on this subject. It speaks far more to your insecurity than it does to anything else.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

Other than the 40 hours a week at a job, SAHMs do all the same things as working parents.

I mean, what are we even talking about? Why are you so determined to devalue the work a SAHM does, especially when you are willing to pay someone else to do it for you? Obviously it has value or you wouldn't hire someone to do it. And while that person isn't making 200k a year, anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that the value of a job to society is not fairly measured by salary. So why not just admit: the work SAHMs do has value. What does that cost you?

(DP by the way, and a working mom, I just find it weird how angry and militant you are being on this subject. It speaks far more to your insecurity than it does to anything else.)

Who said it doesn’t have value? It has A LOT of value. But the value it has is for that 40 hours a week (just like the salary for a job assumes 40 hours a week). The whole cooking, household care, picking enriching activities for your kids is a PARENT duty.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like there is zero disagreement then. If you are a SAHM caring for children during the day, then your work has value, just as we recognize the efforts of day care workers and nannies doing the same job.

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Actually this isn’t true, I have some friends from college who are at home but they don’t live near me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

And for many of us who stagger schedules, it's less than 40 hours a week that the kids are not with one parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like there is zero disagreement then. If you are a SAHM caring for children during the day, then your work has value, just as we recognize the efforts of day care workers and nannies doing the same job.

Yes, end of thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

Other than the 40 hours a week at a job, SAHMs do all the same things as working parents.

I mean, what are we even talking about? Why are you so determined to devalue the work a SAHM does, especially when you are willing to pay someone else to do it for you? Obviously it has value or you wouldn't hire someone to do it. And while that person isn't making 200k a year, anyone with two brain cells to rub together knows that the value of a job to society is not fairly measured by salary. So why not just admit: the work SAHMs do has value. What does that cost you?

(DP by the way, and a working mom, I just find it weird how angry and militant you are being on this subject. It speaks far more to your insecurity than it does to anything else.)

Another working mom and I think you are reading this backwards. Most people on this thread seem to agree that the childcare SAHPs do during the day has value. They are just arguing that OTHER than that, working and SAH parents do the same things.

[Anonymous]

I agree that other than the 40 hours a week, we do the same things. But in practice, as a SAHM I’m doing way more of the childcare and housework outside of those 40 hours than my spouse. This is true for a lot of working moms too, I know. And I’m actually fine with it/it’s what we decided when we decided I’d stay home and it makes a lot of sense (because I’m breastfeeding, etc).

I’m definitely worried that even though we have talked about it, that will stay true after I go back to work - that because I stayed home in the beginning, I will stay the default parent and house person forever. I know that could have happened anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the most impt part is the sahm valuing herself. Doesnt matter how anyone else values her. If shes doesnt value herself and how shes spending her time, then thats where the problem lies. Ive been a sahm, I lost myself, lost confidence in my self worth, lost my identity, etc, and just as I started picking up the pieces, Covid hit. Its hard not to get lost in the day to day grind of it all and I wish I had prioritized my own self care as much as I prioritized all the kid stuff.

OP here. I get what you’re saying but the funny thing is, I actually really enjoy just about every aspect of it. I love my day to day. It’s just that I know I could easily hire someone else to do it and that I’m not contributing to society like working people are.

I think we have to be ok with difference. It’s counterproductive to try to pretend everyone is equal when experience tells us we’re not. I know being a SAHM is not as important to society as a loooong list of occupations but I choose it anyway. It’s ok. We don’t have to be the same.

I’m a SAHM too. I don’t think we can easily hire someone to do what I do. Cook, clean, childcare, driving, choosing enriching activities for the kids suited to their abilities and interests... this is at least a housekeeper, nanny, and maybe more.

Working parents do almost everything you mentioned, especially the enriching activity. It’s just part of being a parent.

LOL exactly. Like who do they think does this in households where parents both work? I work. I cook. I clean. I take care of my kids. I drive. I choose activities. I also earn money. And set a good example for my kids.

I’m guessing PP SAHM wrote that because her DH does none of those things, therefore she feels it’s part of the job description for a SAHM. But... no. It’s called being a parent.

Except you don’t do all those things. You cannot be present in two places at once. Someone is doing the childcare part during the day, and that is either the parent or a paid employee.

Other than childcare for that 40 hours a week (25% of the week), working parents do all the same things as houseparents.

Curious if all these SAHM haters pay their daycare or nannies since they don't seem to think it's work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM who doesn’t know any other SAHMs, ask me anything.

Also in a SAHM vacuum in NW. Not a millionaire so wouldn't meet/fit in with any of those ladies who lunch. I stepped out to have a better quality of life both in terms of less stress and freedom to work on the projects I want and not have to be a keyboard jockey.

[Anonymous]

C.S. Lewis famously said, “The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only - and that is to support the ultimate career. ”