What is your perspective on spanking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone regret NOT spanking? My kids are teenagers now, and from the beginning I went along with my wife and the parenting experts who were dead set against spanking. Fast forward sixteen years, and our two kids are mouthy brats. They always argue and debate about every little chore we dare to assign them.

Both our kids had problems growing up, as the older kids has anxiety and relieved it by trying to control the younger one. We did therapy but waited WAY too long to start the older one on meds, and now the younger hates the older even though the older one “is all better”.

I find myself wishing that I hadn’t listened to my wife, and instead had given the older one a spanking each time the older one unloaded on the younger one. Maybe I could have taught the older one to deal with anxiety without spilling it onto others, and maybe the younger would have been protected.

As an anecdotal data point, my brother and I were spanked and threatened with spanking until middle school. We turned out the way you describe as teens. We're well-adjusted adults now.

Spanking your kid with anxiety would have likely made matters worse. Their behavioral issues were driven, as you describe, by a mental health challenge. Spanking wouldn't have "taught" them "to deal with anxiety." Therapy was the right way to deal with the situation, and you acknowledge that you waited too long to try meds, which sounds like your responsibility. Meds aren't always the right choice, by the way. It sounds like you're blaming your older child for something they may not have known how to control at the time.

If you read the research, spanking is bad for kids.

My wife was dead set against it for years, then finally went along with it about five years after I thought we should investigate meds. I blame myself for not pushing harder on that, and for spinning our wheels trying to find therapists and psychopharmacologists in our network. We’re finally making progress after two years of regular visits with out-of-network providers. It costs a fortune but at least my kids have some awareness they never had before, and some beginning of self-control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone regret NOT spanking? My kids are teenagers now, and from the beginning I went along with my wife and the parenting experts who were dead set against spanking. Fast forward sixteen years, and our two kids are mouthy brats. They always argue and debate about every little chore we dare to assign them.

Both our kids had problems growing up, as the older kids has anxiety and relieved it by trying to control the younger one. We did therapy but waited WAY too long to start the older one on meds, and now the younger hates the older even though the older one “is all better”.

I find myself wishing that I hadn’t listened to my wife, and instead had given the older one a spanking each time the older one unloaded on the younger one. Maybe I could have taught the older one to deal with anxiety without spilling it onto others, and maybe the younger would have been protected.

As an anecdotal data point, my brother and I were spanked and threatened with spanking until middle school. We turned out the way you describe as teens. We're well-adjusted adults now.

Spanking your kid with anxiety would have likely made matters worse. Their behavioral issues were driven, as you describe, by a mental health challenge. Spanking wouldn't have "taught" them "to deal with anxiety." Therapy was the right way to deal with the situation, and you acknowledge that you waited too long to try meds, which sounds like your responsibility. Meds aren't always the right choice, by the way. It sounds like you're blaming your older child for something they may not have known how to control at the time.

If you read the research, spanking is bad for kids.

My wife was dead set against it for years, then finally went along with it about five years after I thought we should investigate meds. I blame myself for not pushing harder on that, and for spinning our wheels trying to find therapists and psychopharmacologists in our network. We’re finally making progress after two years of regular visits with out-of-network providers. It costs a fortune but at least my kids have some awareness they never had before, and some beginning of self-control.

DP. We’re not saying “don’t discipline your kids”. Many should get way more than they receive, but violence is a different subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It shows kids that someone who loves them and cares for them can hit them. That's not something I want to teach my kids.

This is my most important concern with it. It's not a healthy relationship, even between a parent and child. What would be your reaction to stranger coming up and slapping your child? You'd want to beat the hell out of them. So why would you do it to your own child? This is not what people who love each other do to each other.

Or not even a stranger - what do you do when your daughter, who was spanked by her father, is hit by her abusive boyfriend, who then explains that he really loves her, but he had to hit her because of the way she was acting? How on earth do you reconcile that?

You explain it by saying she and her boyfriend are equals, and equals don't hit because neither is responsible for the other one. Parent and child are not equal, parent is responsible for the wellbeing and guidance of the child, who is unable to do that him or herself.

What a dumb point of view. We all are responsible for loved ones in our life, and for their wellbeing! You think that spouses are not responsible for each other or should not take actions to ensure the other's wellbeing?

"I'm responsible for my child's wellbeing" *hits child repeatedly*

Let me explain it to you in simple terms. If my husband and I are walking down the street and he rushes into the oncoming traffic and gets hit by a car and dies, not one person will blame me. He is an adult responsible for the consequences of his choices. If my kids does, everyone will. So, no, we are not ALL responsible for our loved ones' wellbeing. We are only responsible for ourselves and for our kids who cannot be responsible for themselves.

Yes so it’s your job to use your (supposedly) more developed brain and find ways to motivate them to want to follow rules. Hold your kid by their hand until they are ready to show they can be trusted. If they break the rule once they get to go back to not being able to walk freely. It’s your job to guide them, use your brain. You think spanking will work? They will only do worse things when you’re not with them just to defy you. How is that safer?