What is your perspective on spanking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it okay for your partner to hit you when you've done something wrong, as long as (s)he doesn't hit too hard? No, of course not. Don't see spanking being any different.

Children are not your partners. It's kind of weird you see no differences between children and adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it okay for your partner to hit you when you've done something wrong, as long as (s)he doesn't hit too hard? No, of course not. Don't see spanking being any different.

Children are not your partners. It's kind of weird you see no differences between children and adults.

DP. I see differences, and none of the differences suggests it is any more morally acceptable to hit a child than an adult partner

[Anonymous]

Before I had kids I was neutral/pro on spanking. I figured, at worst, it was really no big deal. My parents didn't really spank me, maybe a few times in my whole life for something REALLY bad that like, endangered me.

But I have to be honest, after actually having real life kids who I love, and occasionally having them do something bad like that that I would think would need a spanking, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. And I don't think I ever could. And it has really made me reframe the whole thing.

When you get down to the practical aspect of sitting a person down and expecting them to be still so you can hit them? It becomes extremely unsavory and yes, it feels abusive.

So I changed my mind entirely on this post kids to being firmly anti spanking.

[Anonymous]

I've spanked my son for writing on the wall in crayon after he was told the first time not to do it.

[Anonymous]

It is abuse, full stop.

[Anonymous]

Spanking for defiance only, yes.

[Anonymous]

My oldest is now 7 and has never been spanked, sending him to his room or taking something away will immediately change his behavior. My 4yr old is hell on wheels and extremely defiant. Nothing worked, so we tried spanking her. It had no effect, I’m not sure she even cared. So no we don’t spank, because it doesn’t work for our kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is abuse, full stop.

No, technically it is not except when there are marks or bruises.

[Anonymous]

Full stop for your family, not for ours.

Occasional spank for intentional misbehavior, yes.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone regret NOT spanking? My kids are teenagers now, and from the beginning I went along with my wife and the parenting experts who were dead set against spanking. Fast forward sixteen years, and our two kids are mouthy brats. They always argue and debate about every little chore we dare to assign them.

Both our kids had problems growing up, as the older kids has anxiety and relieved it by trying to control the younger one. We did therapy but waited WAY too long to start the older one on meds, and now the younger hates the older even though the older one “is all better”.

I find myself wishing that I hadn’t listened to my wife, and instead had given the older one a spanking each time the older one unloaded on the younger one. Maybe I could have taught the older one to deal with anxiety without spilling it onto others, and maybe the younger would have been protected.

[Anonymous]

I would never hit my child. I was hit as a child and remember it clearly. Imagine my shock when my bf got angry at my child and flicked his head, said he deserved it. That was many years ago, but if I still remember, I’m sure my child does too. I still bring it up and told him he had no right. It still upsets me to this day.

To the pp, I’m glad you listened to your wife.

[Anonymous]

I don't care what you do in your home but here I do use it sometimes. I do not like it to have to resort to it, but usually I don't even need to. And I spank, I do not beat my children or emotionally abuse them with language and attitude (like giving the silent treatment).

I try to reason, I talk, I try to make them understand, I take privileges, I do reward charts, and I talk talk talk to them always. They have my full support and understanding for the problems and woes they are going through - but sometimes, a spanking is necessary. When all else fails or when the behavior is really outlandish (like when my 10y old called me a bitch and told me "f&ck you"), spanking it is. Plus the loss of privileges like in the case mentioned.

That said, it is not for everyone. Some people cross the line into abuse - I was beaten as a child to the point of having hematomas, broken bones, cigaret burns etc. So there is a huge difference between spanking and beating up/abuse.

Of course abuse is unacceptable but to tell you the truth, from MY personal experience, the things that really hurt me and the scars I still carry are all from the emotional and verbal abuse. And yeah, if my father was still alive I would never let my children go spend time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone regret NOT spanking? My kids are teenagers now, and from the beginning I went along with my wife and the parenting experts who were dead set against spanking. Fast forward sixteen years, and our two kids are mouthy brats. They always argue and debate about every little chore we dare to assign them.

Both our kids had problems growing up, as the older kids has anxiety and relieved it by trying to control the younger one. We did therapy but waited WAY too long to start the older one on meds, and now the younger hates the older even though the older one “is all better”.

I find myself wishing that I hadn’t listened to my wife, and instead had given the older one a spanking each time the older one unloaded on the younger one. Maybe I could have taught the older one to deal with anxiety without spilling it onto others, and maybe the younger would have been protected.

As an anecdotal data point, my brother and I were spanked and threatened with spanking until middle school. We turned out the way you describe as teens. We're well-adjusted adults now.

Spanking your kid with anxiety would have likely made matters worse. Their behavioral issues were driven, as you describe, by a mental health challenge. Spanking wouldn't have "taught" them "to deal with anxiety." Therapy was the right way to deal with the situation, and you acknowledge that you waited too long to try meds, which sounds like your responsibility. Meds aren't always the right choice, by the way. It sounds like you're blaming your older child for something they may not have known how to control at the time.

If you read the research, spanking is bad for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's abusive. 100% cold stop.

+1

-spanked child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't care what you do in your home but here I do use it sometimes. I do not like it to have to resort to it, but usually I don't even need to. And I spank, I do not beat my children or emotionally abuse them with language and attitude (like giving the silent treatment).

I try to reason, I talk, I try to make them understand, I take privileges, I do reward charts, and I talk talk talk to them always. They have my full support and understanding for the problems and woes they are going through - but sometimes, a spanking is necessary. When all else fails or when the behavior is really outlandish (like when my 10y old called me a bitch and told me "f&ck you"), spanking it is. Plus the loss of privileges like in the case mentioned.

That said, it is not for everyone. Some people cross the line into abuse - I was beaten as a child to the point of having hematomas, broken bones, cigaret burns etc. So there is a huge difference between spanking and beating up/abuse.

Of course abuse is unacceptable but to tell you the truth, from MY personal experience, the things that really hurt me and the scars I still carry are all from the emotional and verbal abuse. And yeah, if my father was still alive I would never let my children go spend time with him.

What do you do for spanking that is sufficient, but ensures that you don't go too far?