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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Does anyone regret NOT spanking? My kids are teenagers now, and from the beginning I went along with my wife and the parenting experts who were dead set against spanking. Fast forward sixteen years, and our two kids are mouthy brats. They always argue and debate about every little chore we dare to assign them.

Both our kids had problems growing up, as the older kids has anxiety and relieved it by trying to control the younger one. We did therapy but waited WAY too long to start the older one on meds, and now the younger hates the older even though the older one “is all better”.

I find myself wishing that I hadn’t listened to my wife, and instead had given the older one a spanking each time the older one unloaded on the younger one. Maybe I could have taught the older one to deal with anxiety without spilling it onto others, and maybe the younger would have been protected.[/quote]

As an anecdotal data point, my brother and I were spanked and threatened with spanking until middle school. We turned out the way you describe as teens. We're well-adjusted adults now.

Spanking your kid with anxiety would have likely made matters worse. Their behavioral issues were driven, as you describe, by a mental health challenge. Spanking wouldn't have "taught" them "to deal with anxiety." Therapy was the right way to deal with the situation, and you acknowledge that you waited too long to try meds, which sounds like your responsibility. Meds aren't always the right choice, by the way. It sounds like you're blaming your older child for something they may not have known how to control at the time.

If you read the research, spanking is bad for kids. [/quote]

My wife was dead set against it for years, then finally went along with it about five years after I thought we should investigate meds. I blame myself for not pushing harder on that, and for spinning our wheels trying to find therapists and psychopharmacologists in our network. We’re finally making progress after two years of regular visits with out-of-network providers. It costs a fortune but at least my kids have some awareness they never had before, and some beginning of self-control.[/quote]

DP. We’re not saying “don’t discipline your kids”. Many should get way more than they receive, but violence is a different subject.[/quote]

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