What is your perspective on spanking?

[Anonymous]

Your kids are smaller than you and they are dependent on you for everything. And you hit them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spank for repeated defiance, or the kind of situation where they’re not staying in timeout, or just not listening at all. It’s not in anger, we’ll usually go their room to do it and explain why they’re going to be spanked. Then they’re turned over the lap and spanked.

+1 the willful disobedience has consequences

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love the, "I was spanked, and I turned out fine." Honey, everyone else hates ya! Just kidding. But seriously, you turned out fine compared to who - the other hypothetical you that was never spanked and who you keep an ongoing comparison of psychological and physical health with? "I turned out fine" unfortunately is not really a comment that the individual making it is qualified to make.

That could be said of anything. It could be said of NOT being spanked and turned out fine. “I never spanked my kids, and they turned out great!“

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spank for repeated defiance, or the kind of situation where they’re not staying in timeout, or just not listening at all. It’s not in anger, we’ll usually go their room to do it and explain why they’re going to be spanked. Then they’re turned over the lap and spanked.

+1 the willful disobedience has consequences

This

[Anonymous]

I was spanked and yes, am a happy individual with good relationship with my parents - textbook fine.

I only swatted my kids' bottoms when they were too little to understand. After that, we used the 1-2-3 discipline. I don't think spanking is effective when they're older, but by then there should be a foundation of respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spank for repeated defiance, or the kind of situation where they’re not staying in timeout, or just not listening at all. It’s not in anger, we’ll usually go their room to do it and explain why they’re going to be spanked. Then they’re turned over the lap and spanked.

+1 the willful disobedience has consequences

So you do it in cold blood? Even the law recognizes the difference between premeditated murder and manslaughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spank for repeated defiance, or the kind of situation where they’re not staying in timeout, or just not listening at all. It’s not in anger, we’ll usually go their room to do it and explain why they’re going to be spanked. Then they’re turned over the lap and spanked.

+1 the willful disobedience has consequences

So you do it in cold blood? Even the law recognizes the difference between premeditated murder and manslaughter.

Lol. I’m a cold blooded spanker!

[Anonymous]

I don't. My dad spanked me once and he says immediately he saw a complete 180 in my personality. I basically withdrew from everyone and stopped talking to people permanently. I still have an avoidant attachment style. To this day, he'll cry if it gets brought up.

I took a TON of parenting classes and read so many books because I wanted to be an effective, kind, caring parent. I've never needed to resort to spanking (or really any kind of punishment).

I also did a lot of reflection on what I wanted out of parenting, and decided strict obedience isn't really a trait I care about. I had children to enrich my life, so I prefer happy times rather than the stress of getting another person to comply.

We live in an area that relies heavily on punishment for raising kids, and my kids are always the most well-behaved. It's actually very frustrating for me - the kids we play with that are punished the most are the ones who hurt my kids the most. My 5 yo DD has a couple friends who are ALWAYS getting spanked, and they have huge problems with hitting other kids. These same parents are always commenting on how calm my kids and me all are, and I've tried explaining better parenting techniques, but they don't listen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We spank for repeated defiance, or the kind of situation where they’re not staying in timeout, or just not listening at all. It’s not in anger, we’ll usually go their room to do it and explain why they’re going to be spanked. Then they’re turned over the lap and spanked.

+1 the willful disobedience has consequences

So you do it in cold blood? Even the law recognizes the difference between premeditated murder and manslaughter.

Lol. I’m a cold blooded spanker!

Yup. You don’t just hit your kids, you plan it out. When will I hit them? How? Should I use a weapon or my bare hands? For how long? How many times? Should I warn them so they can spend some time anticipating it? How long do I let them think about it before I hit them? Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't. My dad spanked me once and he says immediately he saw a complete 180 in my personality. I basically withdrew from everyone and stopped talking to people permanently. I still have an avoidant attachment style. To this day, he'll cry if it gets brought up.

I took a TON of parenting classes and read so many books because I wanted to be an effective, kind, caring parent. I've never needed to resort to spanking (or really any kind of punishment).

I also did a lot of reflection on what I wanted out of parenting, and decided strict obedience isn't really a trait I care about. I had children to enrich my life, so I prefer happy times rather than the stress of getting another person to comply.

We live in an area that relies heavily on punishment for raising kids, and my kids are always the most well-behaved. It's actually very frustrating for me - the kids we play with that are punished the most are the ones who hurt my kids the most. My 5 yo DD has a couple friends who are ALWAYS getting spanked, and they have huge problems with hitting other kids. These same parents are always commenting on how calm my kids and me all are, and I've tried explaining better parenting techniques, but they don't listen.

So you’re still not talking to people? But in all seriousness, your attachment style didn’t arise from just one spanking. That’s just not how it works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't. My dad spanked me once and he says immediately he saw a complete 180 in my personality. I basically withdrew from everyone and stopped talking to people permanently. I still have an avoidant attachment style. To this day, he'll cry if it gets brought up.

I took a TON of parenting classes and read so many books because I wanted to be an effective, kind, caring parent. I've never needed to resort to spanking (or really any kind of punishment).

I also did a lot of reflection on what I wanted out of parenting, and decided strict obedience isn't really a trait I care about. I had children to enrich my life, so I prefer happy times rather than the stress of getting another person to comply.

We live in an area that relies heavily on punishment for raising kids, and my kids are always the most well-behaved. It's actually very frustrating for me - the kids we play with that are punished the most are the ones who hurt my kids the most. My 5 yo DD has a couple friends who are ALWAYS getting spanked, and they have huge problems with hitting other kids. These same parents are always commenting on how calm my kids and me all are, and I've tried explaining better parenting techniques, but they don't listen.

So you’re still not talking to people? But in all seriousness, your attachment style didn’t arise from just one spanking. That’s just not how it works.

Actually, yes. I've always struggled with extreme distrust of people. It wasn't until my 30s (and after years of therapy) that I was able to maintain somewhat normal friendships. Up until then I just kept to myself, even though I wanted relationships with people.

And yes, there were other factors at play in creating my attachment style, but it all boils down to my parents were not safe for me to be around.

I understand that I'm an extreme case, but for me the risks far outweigh the benefits. It's not a parenting technique that is needed at all, there are far more effective ways.

I'm also not a fan of the "they'll turn out fine!" argument. Our standards for our children should be way higher than just "fine".

[Anonymous]

I have no issue with spanking, though I have not yet had to spank my own. I was spanked, no big deal after it was over. A swift hit with the palm of the hand on the bottom that even then I remember thinking "that wasn't so bad really" .

The willful disobedience thing -- yes to a spank.

[Anonymous]

I was spanked and slapped across the face growing up and always felt so ashamed so I'm not a fan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids are smaller than you and they are dependent on you for everything. And you hit them.

Oh the drama

[Anonymous]

It's always interesting to me that people who were spanked and think spanking is OK insist that they turned out fine. You advocate for beating children. You are not fine.