Freak accident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the whole thread, but if the scarf strangled you - you need to go TO THE HOSPITAL NOW.

You might not have marks on the inside, but you might have internal damage. If you passed out - that is a really serious flag. I work in the field of domestic violence where a lot of people are strangled and know that it can be VERY VERY dangerous. Please - seek medical attention now.

Or, the scarf put pressure on the carotid which temporarily cut off blood supply and caused OP to pass out. No strangulation necessary.

Hey! Carotid poster! That is strangulation! Cutting off the blood supply/circulation!

I have a question for you— was your husband passed out for “several minutes?” I think most of us who are skeptical/confused are trying to express that if this were truly a fluke thing like what you described with your 10 year old, it would have been over too quickly for all of these intervening things to have happened (jumping on OPs face, playing games on the phone). So either she was out very briefly (in which case her children’s immediate leaps to these behaviors is especially concerning) or she was out for longer, which means there was another or multiple causes. Another possibility is that her 5 year old, not understanding the gravity, could have been hanging with his whole body weight on the scarf for some time. But then, if for whatever reason she was out for multiple minutes, again— she’d want to seek medical attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have not read the whole thread, but if the scarf strangled you - you need to go TO THE HOSPITAL NOW.

You might not have marks on the inside, but you might have internal damage. If you passed out - that is a really serious flag. I work in the field of domestic violence where a lot of people are strangled and know that it can be VERY VERY dangerous. Please - seek medical attention now.

Or, the scarf put pressure on the carotid which temporarily cut off blood supply and caused OP to pass out. No strangulation necessary.

Hey! Carotid poster! That is strangulation! Cutting off the blood supply/circulation!

I have a question for you— was your husband passed out for “several minutes?” I think most of us who are skeptical/confused are trying to express that if this were truly a fluke thing like what you described with your 10 year old, it would have been over too quickly for all of these intervening things to have happened (jumping on OPs face, playing games on the phone). So either she was out very briefly (in which case her children’s immediate leaps to these behaviors is especially concerning) or she was out for longer, which means there was another or multiple causes. Another possibility is that her 5 year old, not understanding the gravity, could have been hanging with his whole body weight on the scarf for some time. But then, if for whatever reason she was out for multiple minutes, again— she’d want to seek medical attention.

Yes that is one definition - cutting off the blood supply. But I was going with the “to press someone’s throat so they cannot breathe” definition that I would assume most people would think of when they use that term. I am also guessing that’s what the domestic violence worker was referring to. But I would be wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rough house with my kids and sometimes pretend to be asleep and they will sneak up on me and 'wake me up' by poking and jumping on me until I start grabbing them again. I could totally see myself accidentally getting a black eye by overzealous waking attempts if I passed out. And my four year old tends to get laugh/ cry get crazy when she's scared. I agree the 5 year old seems the most normal and developmentally appropriate.

I think the fact that you passed out for multiple minutes is the biggest concern here. You need to go to a doctor. And yes 8 year old needs to be taught about emergencies. Sociopaths don't cry and get upset after the fact. She did behave strangely but I agree with another poster that you were likely out much less than a few minutes (LONG time to be passed out).

Your kids are too wild and you are playing roughly and unsafely. As for op- it’s a five year old pulling a scarf. Something is not true.

+1. I can't imagine growing up or having my children grow up in a house where people are putting their hands on each other like this. You keep your hands to yourself. What are you teaching your children about personal boundaries, theirs and others with this nonsense??

DP. Roughhousing is healthy for kids. You know that but are unwilling to admit it.

Playing- not hitting and ending up strangled or with black eyes. Learn boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

OP, if your story is real and you’re not a fiction writer testing out a plot point, your internal barometer has been messed up by an abusive childhood. My husband roughhouses with our kid— serious play fighting, hitting, wrestling— and she NEVER gets hurt or ends up crying and he never ends up yelling at her. It’s not supposed to be a way of getting out pent up frustrations AT each other— at least not from the adult in the direction of the kid.

Yeah honestly we’ve fought about it. And he has toned it down a notch. Husband’s argument is that they beg him for it so it’s on them if they get hurt. It does drive me a little crazy.

What??

Your whole family is seriously not within normal limits. Your husband isn't worried about letting your kids get hurt, just that "it's on them"? When they are 5 and 8 and have no real judgement?
You are ok with your 8 year old seeing you passed out with a black eye (umm, how do you "play fake" a black eye?) and has long enough to take your phone, find a game and load it and start playing it before you wake up? And you aren't concerned about this?

You were passed out for that long for some reason that seems as many readers say impossible and aren't going to see a doctor because that is seriously abnormal?

And your son was laughing at you when you woke up ? At least you are upset about that.

I have a 7 year old with ASD and serious social skills problems and I would be very, very upset if he behaved the way your 8 year old did. We discuss that when someone is hurt, what you do, explictly. For your 5 year old I would definitely have him evaluated for ASD.

And your DH should STOP the roughhousing. For the love of god!!!

Please, please, all of you get therapy now. And I've written probably 100 replies on this board and never said that. I hope this fake or at least highly exaggerated because you are *all* SO messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this crazy fluke thing happened today where my 5yo started pulling on my scarf that was wrapped around my neck. Next thing I know, I pass out, for what must have been a few minutes. I have a black eye. I find out later that while I was unconscious, my 5yo was jumping on my face, using my fist to punch me in the face, and jumping over me. And my older child was also jumping over me, and sneaking on my phone to play games. I know they are young, but I am livid and I'm honestly hurt - that in a moment where I was vulnerable and possibly hurt, my kids decided to abuse me and take advantage of me instead of trying to help me. I know they weren't being malicious, and I know they didn't really realize why I wasn't responsive, but still, it is really bugging me. The mature side of me understands they just don't know any better but still, I feel resentful and I can't help it. Help talk some sense into me.

Kids behave inappropriately when trying to get attention. Kids behave inappropriately when scared. Kids behave inappropriately when they realize that someone can’t/won’t stop them. Pick one, adopt it as a mantra, and when you feel resentful that your kids acted like kids, say it over and over to yourself.

It sounds like you expected your kids to react calmly and rationally, possibly even know what to do (including loosen the scarf, check for breathing and pulse, etc). Unless they’re old enough to have taken cpr/first aid AND have experienced a situation that called for that sort of emotional distance until the emergency was over? No way. There’s a reason high school kids with cpr/first aid training and lifeguard training aren’t left on their own, even if there’s only two kids in the pool. They simply don’t have the experience necessary to remain calm and respond first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

OP, if your story is real and you’re not a fiction writer testing out a plot point, your internal barometer has been messed up by an abusive childhood. My husband roughhouses with our kid— serious play fighting, hitting, wrestling— and she NEVER gets hurt or ends up crying and he never ends up yelling at her. It’s not supposed to be a way of getting out pent up frustrations AT each other— at least not from the adult in the direction of the kid.

Yeah honestly we’ve fought about it. And he has toned it down a notch. Husband’s argument is that they beg him for it so it’s on them if they get hurt. It does drive me a little crazy.

What??

Your whole family is seriously not within normal limits. Your husband isn't worried about letting your kids get hurt, just that "it's on them"? When they are 5 and 8 and have no real judgement?
You are ok with your 8 year old seeing you passed out with a black eye (umm, how do you "play fake" a black eye?) and has long enough to take your phone, find a game and load it and start playing it before you wake up? And you aren't concerned about this?

You were passed out for that long for some reason that seems as many readers say impossible and aren't going to see a doctor because that is seriously abnormal?

And your son was laughing at you when you woke up ? At least you are upset about that.

I have a 7 year old with ASD and serious social skills problems and I would be very, very upset if he behaved the way your 8 year old did. We discuss that when someone is hurt, what you do, explictly. For your 5 year old I would definitely have him evaluated for ASD.

And your DH should STOP the roughhousing. For the love of god!!!

Please, please, all of you get therapy now. And I've written probably 100 replies on this board and never said that. I hope this fake or at least highly exaggerated because you are *all* SO messed up.

Sorry, PP here, the 5 year old needs to be evaluated for ADHD (not ASD). The complete lack of impulse control (which is what laughing and punching you must be) is not normal. Even for a 5 year old boy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So I told my husband about what happened (after kids went to sleep), and he was more concerned about me. My 8yo actually pleaded with me NOT to tell my husband. I AM concerned about her, I think after she realized the seriousness of what had happened, she was traumatized and very upset with herself that she had royally messed up.

Apparently she didn't see the part where I passed out. Either she didn't think I was really unconscious, or she didn't know what me being unconscious really meant and that it was an actual emergency. I don't want her to blame herself, I want to make sure she knows what to do in these situations.

Same with my 5yo, but he seems to be actively avoiding talking about what happened, so I am having trouble getting through to him. The whole thing was kind of scary - to me, and I'm sure to my kids. I believe my 5yo has some anxiety issues too - we've actually had a few losses in our family not too long ago, and he did recently go through a stage where he was very anxious about dying - for himself and for us, and asking a million questions about what happens after you die. So I'm wondering if the reality of the situation is just too scary for him to really process.

I can't help feeling like my connection to my kids was affected. If they were adults and reacted the way they did, I'd be furious and would feel like I couldn't trust them. But they are kids, and rationally I know that, but still it brings me to tears knowing that they reacted the way that they did. I'm trying to get some perspective here because I know I'm emotional and not thinking rationally. But some of you have said out loud the things I've thought - that they must be broken somehow, that maybe I have failed them in that I haven't been able to teach them to be basic decent human beings. I still haven't been able to bring myself to hug my 5yo after the incident. I think I'm still processing it all myself.

JFC Christ, lady. I'm speechless.

[Anonymous]

I would be so upset if I were OP. There is something wrong with her kids.

How are they at school?

I would hug my 5yo harder knowing something is probably wrong with him.

Please tell 8yo’s therapist about this incident and figure out what is wrong with your 5yo.

I would be least concerned about myself.

[Anonymous]

A freak accident would be the kid tripping over a lego structure, reaching out to steady himself and accidentally grabbing his mom's scarf which led her to lose consciousness. I have no doubt that the child hadn't thought through his actions, but grabbing someone around the neck and choking them until they pass out is not a freak accident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I’m not mad at the 8yo, because she wasn’t the one who was hitting me while I was unconscious, and also she’s just kinda clueless about these things. And finally she was very remorseful and upset when she found out I was actually unconscious. The 5yo is a different story. He kept laughing even afterwards- which made me even more livid.

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.

We did have a very clear discussion after about what to do in that kind of situation. I’m not making excuses for my kids- I was disappointed in how they handled it. And yes- a bit concerned about their apparent lack of concern for me.

There was just a post last month about a child laughing uncontrollably while scared. Parent was livid, like you are, because they didn’t realize that this is one of the most common reactions in kids. They literally have no way to process what happened and their brain went past overwhelmed and scared into meltdown mode. It’s the equivalent of a 2yo who burst into tears and cries for 30 minutes because she doesn’t how to tell you the big doggy barking at her scared her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, wereyou actually passed out, or were you pretending to pass out to test how they’d respond. It would be very unusual for a 5yo to be able to choke you so quickly with a scarf just hanging around your neck.

I didn’t think it could happen either- he was hanging off the couch behind me, pulling my infinity scarf which was wrapped double around my neck. And I was leaning forward and I felt it choking me but didn’t think I’d actually pass out.

Uh yeah, not that hard to do. A scarf wrapped double, thick enough and durable enough to not stretch too much, pulled from behind while you lean forward? Kid could have killed you, easily, especially if he put his full weight on it. Make it clear that they are NEVER to pull on something around someone’s neck again!

[Anonymous]

I am sorry this happened, OP, and I do agree you should get yourself checked out, as a precaution.

I am sorry that so many posters are being so harsh.

That being said, I really think you need to put a stop to the roughhousing if your kids are getting hurt and crying. I play with my kids and they can be a little rough but not to the point of hurting each other. And definitely me and my DH have never hurt our kids while playing with them.

My family grew up roughhousing and my brother did not learn healthy boundaries. When we were in college he would still try to wrestle me and hurt me quite badly. He doesn’t do that anymore but I don’t think it was healthy for him. And that’s like best case scenario.

[Anonymous]

I have not read this entire thread. So this may have been answered. But, if you were passed out, how do you know what they did to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rough house with my kids and sometimes pretend to be asleep and they will sneak up on me and 'wake me up' by poking and jumping on me until I start grabbing them again. I could totally see myself accidentally getting a black eye by overzealous waking attempts if I passed out. And my four year old tends to get laugh/ cry get crazy when she's scared. I agree the 5 year old seems the most normal and developmentally appropriate.

I think the fact that you passed out for multiple minutes is the biggest concern here. You need to go to a doctor. And yes 8 year old needs to be taught about emergencies. Sociopaths don't cry and get upset after the fact. She did behave strangely but I agree with another poster that you were likely out much less than a few minutes (LONG time to be passed out).

Your kids are too wild and you are playing roughly and unsafely. As for op- it’s a five year old pulling a scarf. Something is not true.

+1. I can't imagine growing up or having my children grow up in a house where people are putting their hands on each other like this. You keep your hands to yourself. What are you teaching your children about personal boundaries, theirs and others with this nonsense??

DP. Roughhousing is healthy for kids. You know that but are unwilling to admit it.

How is mimicking injuring another person healthy for kids? You want to get some energy out with your kids as a bonding activity, great! Go for a run, throw a ball, do a silly dance. Don't show your kid it's ok for someone to aggressively manhandle then until they get hurt or cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know, or why do you suspect, that you were out cold for “at least a few minutes?” If so from strangulation, you should be feeling major after effects.

I don’t know for sure. I’m guessing from what my kids told me.

Then it was likely 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Long enough for the 5yo to realize and panic. Long enough for 8yo to think you were playing and grab your phone, then not realize there was an issue (once into the game, everything in the room hours).