Freak accident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
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Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

OP, if your story is real and you’re not a fiction writer testing out a plot point, your internal barometer has been messed up by an abusive childhood. My husband roughhouses with our kid— serious play fighting, hitting, wrestling— and she NEVER gets hurt or ends up crying and he never ends up yelling at her. It’s not supposed to be a way of getting out pent up frustrations AT each other— at least not from the adult in the direction of the kid.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever hit you? Have your children witnessed him hitting you?

I also agree that the reaction of the 8 year old is off and I wonder if she’s learned to not intervene.

The entire scenario and its details are hard to believe.

All of this, but especially the bolded.

+2

Oh jeez! Husband has never hit me or the children.

Just roughhoused to the point that your DS gets hurt, starts crying and then gets yelled at?

Ok I kinda see your point. But roughhousing for fun when the kids are begging for it and physical abuse are two very different things.

No it isn’t. When they get hurt and they get blamed, you’re delving into gaslighting, which brings emotional and mental abuse into the physical abuse paradigm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. So I told my husband about what happened (after kids went to sleep), and he was more concerned about me. My 8yo actually pleaded with me NOT to tell my husband. I AM concerned about her, I think after she realized the seriousness of what had happened, she was traumatized and very upset with herself that she had royally messed up.

Apparently she didn't see the part where I passed out. Either she didn't think I was really unconscious, or she didn't know what me being unconscious really meant and that it was an actual emergency. I don't want her to blame herself, I want to make sure she knows what to do in these situations.

Same with my 5yo, but he seems to be actively avoiding talking about what happened, so I am having trouble getting through to him. The whole thing was kind of scary - to me, and I'm sure to my kids. I believe my 5yo has some anxiety issues too - we've actually had a few losses in our family not too long ago, and he did recently go through a stage where he was very anxious about dying - for himself and for us, and asking a million questions about what happens after you die. So I'm wondering if the reality of the situation is just too scary for him to really process.

I can't help feeling like my connection to my kids was affected. If they were adults and reacted the way they did, I'd be furious and would feel like I couldn't trust them. But they are kids, and rationally I know that, but still it brings me to tears knowing that they reacted the way that they did. I'm trying to get some perspective here because I know I'm emotional and not thinking rationally. But some of you have said out loud the things I've thought - that they must be broken somehow, that maybe I have failed them in that I haven't been able to teach them to be basic decent human beings. I still haven't been able to bring myself to hug my 5yo after the incident. I think I'm still processing it all myself.

You said you had a black eye. Did your husband not notice it? He didn't ask you why you had a black eye?

[Anonymous]

This can’t be real.

[Anonymous]

Well, everytime I get a finger cut, I have a tummy ache, I don't feel well, my back hurt.... I tell my 4 year old about that. He sometimes gives me sympathy (asks me if I am okay), but most of the time he does not even care if there is tv involved. I have asked him what happens if I die one day & no longer would be able to take care of you, and he tells me that daddy can take care of him. (eye rolls up) OP, I don't know if that makes you feel better.

My phone has password, so no one can open it. And, I think if I pass out on the couch, my son would think that I just take a nap or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

And my husband roughhouses with them a lot. Play fights, and he lets them beat up on him, and he is rough with them. I don’t like that stuff, so I draw pretty clear boundaries with me in terms of hitting, etc.
.

Can you describe this more? A friend of my husband play fights with his son and I’ve found the way they fight to be especially violent. Once he threw the kid several yards and I was afraid he’d break a bone. This friend always stuck me as being “off” and he always had to be ‘dominant’. The family moved away so I don’t know what happened to them.
Not saying this is what your husband is like, but that story came to mind and I’m wondering if your children are modeling the behaviors they see in their father.

It’s just how my husband plays with them and connects with them. The kids absolutely love it. But it does get them all riled up and I do feel like the lines get blurred as to what’s ok and what’s not. They hit and fight each other. When they all roughhouse, it almost always ends in the 5yo getting hurt and crying or he gets too wild and my husband starts yelling at him. It’s not abusive, but I do feel like it’s their way of getting out their pent up frustrations out with each other.

OP, if your story is real and you’re not a fiction writer testing out a plot point, your internal barometer has been messed up by an abusive childhood. My husband roughhouses with our kid— serious play fighting, hitting, wrestling— and she NEVER gets hurt or ends up crying and he never ends up yelling at her. It’s not supposed to be a way of getting out pent up frustrations AT each other— at least not from the adult in the direction of the kid.

Agree 100% and I also have a husband who wrestles with our kid. OP from your reaction you are definitely disassociating. You need to sit your husband down and explain to him the boundaries and this terrible incident is a side effect. Then get your daughter and son both evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rough house with my kids and sometimes pretend to be asleep and they will sneak up on me and 'wake me up' by poking and jumping on me until I start grabbing them again. I could totally see myself accidentally getting a black eye by overzealous waking attempts if I passed out. And my four year old tends to get laugh/ cry get crazy when she's scared. I agree the 5 year old seems the most normal and developmentally appropriate.

I think the fact that you passed out for multiple minutes is the biggest concern here. You need to go to a doctor. And yes 8 year old needs to be taught about emergencies. Sociopaths don't cry and get upset after the fact. She did behave strangely but I agree with another poster that you were likely out much less than a few minutes (LONG time to be passed out).

Your kids are too wild and you are playing roughly and unsafely. As for op- it’s a five year old pulling a scarf. Something is not true.

+1. I can't imagine growing up or having my children grow up in a house where people are putting their hands on each other like this. You keep your hands to yourself. What are you teaching your children about personal boundaries, theirs and others with this nonsense??

Original PP here. It's a game. They dont run around hitting people, but we play a specific game where I am a mommy monster. It's fine if you wouldn't play it but my kids are great and well behaved. In the context of this game I could envision this happening, but not for multiple minutes, that is all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of this adds up. Not one word. It makes no sense that you would pass out From having your scarf tugged on. Unless your five-year-old is extremely violent. It makes no sense that your children would beat on you while you were passed out. I’m not saying something violent did not happen to you, but the story is not true. Please evaluate your husband’s role in all of this and seek help for the sake of your children.

Not true. I am one of the PP’s whose husband past our after my 10 year old hung on to his neck. My BFF is a physician and we called her right after it happened, trying to decide we needed to go to the ER. You can very easily cause someone to pass out if you cut off the blood supply via the carotid. It not only doesn’t “make no sense”, it makes quite a bit of sense.

You see this happening in a lot of movies. When they don’t want to kill you, they seem to put you in some sort of chokehold and the person passes out. I’m no doctor but there must be some truth to it since they show this happen quite often in movies.

I was an MMA fighter for years. People get choked out all the time. You simply put pressure on the artery in the neck. As soon as they go limp, you release.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um. At five, my child would (and did) call 911. Something is super off here. And you have an older child who was there as well? Seriously, OP. Not normal. I would have them evaluated ASAP.

I doubt my 5 year old would realize that I was unconscious rather than playing a game. That's what it sounds like both of OP's children thought. That she was playing.

And the response was to punch her in the face? That kind of violence in a 5yo is deeply troubling.

All of this sounds very malicious. It’s especially noteworthy that there’s an older child who went along with this too. This is really psychologically disturbing behavior.

My kids love to wrestle and jump all over DH and me. However, even my 5 year old would know something was wrong if I was nonresponsive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I rough house with my kids and sometimes pretend to be asleep and they will sneak up on me and 'wake me up' by poking and jumping on me until I start grabbing them again. I could totally see myself accidentally getting a black eye by overzealous waking attempts if I passed out. And my four year old tends to get laugh/ cry get crazy when she's scared. I agree the 5 year old seems the most normal and developmentally appropriate.

I think the fact that you passed out for multiple minutes is the biggest concern here. You need to go to a doctor. And yes 8 year old needs to be taught about emergencies. Sociopaths don't cry and get upset after the fact. She did behave strangely but I agree with another poster that you were likely out much less than a few minutes (LONG time to be passed out).

Your kids are too wild and you are playing roughly and unsafely. As for op- it’s a five year old pulling a scarf. Something is not true.

+1. I can't imagine growing up or having my children grow up in a house where people are putting their hands on each other like this. You keep your hands to yourself. What are you teaching your children about personal boundaries, theirs and others with this nonsense??

DP. Roughhousing is healthy for kids. You know that but are unwilling to admit it.

How is mimicking injuring another person healthy for kids? You want to get some energy out with your kids as a bonding activity, great! Go for a run, throw a ball, do a silly dance. Don't show your kid it's ok for someone to aggressively manhandle then until they get hurt or cry.

Not PP but there has been lots of research about the benefits of roughhousing particularly as it relates to dads bonding with their kids and vice versa. Roughhousing isn't aggressive manhandling. The kind of roughhousing that is healthy builds trust, teaches kids about healthy release of physical energy, builds self confidence, teaches restraint. Check out the NYT's 2011 "in praise of roughhousing" interview for example.

[Anonymous]

^ Not saying that anything in OP's family is healthy roughhousing though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, everytime I get a finger cut, I have a tummy ache, I don't feel well, my back hurt.... I tell my 4 year old about that. He sometimes gives me sympathy (asks me if I am okay), but most of the time he does not even care if there is tv involved. I have asked him what happens if I die one day & no longer would be able to take care of you, and he tells me that daddy can take care of him. (eye rolls up) OP, I don't know if that makes you feel better.

My phone has password, so no one can open it. And, I think if I pass out on the couch, my son would think that I just take a nap or something.

Part of me imagines your conversations as playful and part of me imagines them as kind of perverse.

I once woke from a weird early evening nap to hear my 13 yo on the phone with the police, he didn't realize I was the lump on the bed and thought I was actually missing. . . .
not sure what to make of the OPs story

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Um. At five, my child would (and did) call 911. Something is super off here. And you have an older child who was there as well? Seriously, OP. Not normal. I would have them evaluated ASAP.

I doubt my 5 year old would realize that I was unconscious rather than playing a game. That's what it sounds like both of OP's children thought. That she was playing.

And the response was to punch her in the face? That kind of violence in a 5yo is deeply troubling.

All of this sounds very malicious. It’s especially noteworthy that there’s an older child who went along with this too. This is really psychologically disturbing behavior.

My kids love to wrestle and jump all over DH and me. However, even my 5 year old would know something was wrong if I was nonresponsive.

I'm the pp who could see this happening. I dont think the 5 year old sounds malicious. The 5 year old sounds like he did realize that op wasn't being responsive and so upped the physicality of his attempts to rouse her. I feel like a lot of you are envisioning 5 yrs old seeing mommy knocked out and hauling off on her face. I think much more likely he was trying to wake her, she wasn't waking up so he started to hit harder. While something to be taught not to do this is imo a pretty normal course. If your child wasn't waking with a touch you would likely move to a push, start trying to shake them, you would try harder to wake them. I imagine the kid started to panic and hit her and then when she woke up couldn't process his fear so started laughing hysterically. While weird to witness this seems normal and like OP should ABOSOLUTELY give the poor kid a hug since he was probably semi traumatized by it.

[Anonymous]

Um, Do you know how hard you would have to hit someone to give them a black eye? That’s not exactly the same as trying to rouse someone from sleep. The story is beyond crazy. If this is true OP your family needs serious help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, Do you know how hard you would have to hit someone to give them a black eye? That’s not exactly the same as trying to rouse someone from sleep. The story is beyond crazy. If this is true OP your family needs serious help.

A panicked 5 year old could absolutely hit that hard.