Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I teach my kids to be respectful. Not scream like maniacs.

We are all entitled to our parenting philosophies. I didn't want my children to be deferential to any adult just because. Their teachers or parents of their friends who they were told to mind have never complained. A random adult buttonholing my kids doesn't deserve respect.

I do teach my kids to be respectful "just because." That's how we treat others, and how I teach my kids to treat others. They can't get in the car with anyone without my permission, but -- speaking to them? Of course they should be respectful of others "just because." I already posted this, but we have a cranky neighbor who doesn't like it when kids play out front. I teach my kids to be respectful of her and stop playing when she tells them to -- even though their friends' parents teach their kids to be indignant in response. How in the world can we have a functioning society if children are allowed to tell adults what is acceptable? Or to shout "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" when someone they actually interact with requests something of them?

Absurd.

I think it’s absurd that she’s allowed to tell your kids whether they’re allowed to play in front of their own home.

This. Playing in front of her home, of course she can tell them not to do that. But if they are on your property and you are fine with them playing out front, why on earth would you have them stop? They can respectfully say "Ms. X, my mother said it's fine for me to play here" and keep on what they're doing. If she has a problem with that she should come to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

Some (touchy) people.

The rest of us are fine with it!

And some of us welcome it. It’s a wonderful reinforcement from a stranger to say something you say in your own home. You do it with love, children love you for it because you are helping them to become stronger and more independent. I’m black, fwiw.

But I DON'T tell my kids in my own home that they have to play with absolutely everyone.

[Anonymous]

When other people's kids are acting like brats, I correct them. Clearly the parents' parenting is not sufficient so I guess it takes a village.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get this. How is it bratty behavior to not want to play with annoying younger child who can’t keep up?

[Anonymous]

I don’t have a problem with adults talking with my kid at extended care and I am appreciative when an adult steps in if my kid needs correction or redirecting. We live in a society. We should be open to other parents helping guide all of our children. If I disagree with the way an adult has handled something, I can be an adult myself and approach that person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

Some (touchy) people.

The rest of us are fine with it!

And some of us welcome it. It’s a wonderful reinforcement from a stranger to say something you say in your own home. You do it with love, children love you for it because you are helping them to become stronger and more independent. I’m black, fwiw.

You have no way of knowing whether a stranger says something you say in your own home. For all you know, they say something completely different.

[Anonymous]

Just don’t!!!

People are hyper vigilant about their children. Most children are fairly dull anyway. The reward is in no way worth the risk!

[Anonymous]

OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

In your post, you said the other parent seemed upset you were talking to her kid. Many of us said we would also not want you talking to our kids. We don’t want you correcting our kids in a friendly way. You are not listening to anyone.

If it was a kid at your house for a play date and we hang out together, of course I would be fine with you talking to my kids. These are people we have relationships with.

It is obvious the mom does not like you and does not want you talking to her kids. Take a hint, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

You don’t get it. In their mind, you’re two friends’ parent and maybe an adult acquaintance. You aren’t a friend of the parent or child. You only know the kids in one small way, and it does NOT give you the right to act like you know how their parent wants them act!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

I agree with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

In your post, you said the other parent seemed upset you were talking to her kid. Many of us said we would also not want you talking to our kids. We don’t want you correcting our kids in a friendly way. You are not listening to anyone.

If it was a kid at your house for a play date and we hang out together, of course I would be fine with you talking to my kids. These are people we have relationships with.

It is obvious the mom does not like you and does not want you talking to her kids. Take a hint, lady.

Yeah, well than maybe the kids should not come up to me to chit-chat either, right? Every evening I am there for pick-up for 5-15 minutes waiting for the kids to get ready. It's obvious that the other kids want to engage. The other Mother had no clue what was going on when she arrived, and she just assumed something was wrong with the kids, that's why she seemed upset. I am not sure if you know how aftercare works or how pick-up takes place. Also, at least I am friendly my kids' friends and don't ignore them. Unlike the other mother who totally ignores my kids and never even looks at them or says hello when she picks up her kids. Even though she very well knows that they play together the entire afternoon, every single school day. Now that is strange for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

You don’t get it. In their mind, you’re two friends’ parent and maybe an adult acquaintance. You aren’t a friend of the parent or child. You only know the kids in one small way, and it does NOT give you the right to act like you know how their parent wants them act!

Of course I am not the Mother's friend, and not a friend of the two kids. I am the mother of my kids' friends. We have invited these kids to my kids b'day party. Those two kids have invited my kids to their b'day party. They have attended a common friend's birthday party. I am not representing their Mother when I talk to them. Don't be so weird. There is no such rule that only the parents can talk to children. People do not live in their individual bubbles. We are all part of a community. Too bad that many of you prefer to isolate your kids from natural human interaction. And sorry, but my kids are not the snowflakes and I am not the helicopter parent. It's the other way around. You are the helicopter parents and your kids are the snowflakes - those who posted that no other adults should be able to interact with their kids. Thank god I did not grow up in a society with these kind of values. Must be exhausting, fearful and very isolating.

[Anonymous]

^^^^
I meant to say that I am the Mother of those kids' friends, i.e. my kid's Mother.

[Anonymous]

I was in downtown Bethesda the other evening and a bunch of out of control tweens were climbing on the chain that opens and shuts a garage door leading to the dumpsters of a business. Everyone was just walking by. I shouted from across the street, "Hey, cut that out. Bad idea. You could get killed." They were shocked. But then -- they stopped.

Uh yeah...
I hate to tell you, but those kids said "uh, ok" to appease you and started doing it again the second you walked away feeling super proud of yourself.