Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Hello Parents,

This is an honest question, since I am not from here and might not be aware of what the acceptable norms might be in an Elementary School Aftercare setting.
My kids go to aftercare every day and usually play with the same group of 2-6 kids, but are especially close to 2 kids, who are siblings. So, I see those 2 kids every single school day, since I and the other parent pick up at the same time. The other parent and I are not friendly. I always say a quick hello to those kids, but I engaged in a little conversation with them the other day, since there was a conflict situation between them and one of my kids. This also happened another time some time ago. They are not big issues, you know, stuff like one kid excluded the other kid from playing etc, and I would just have a friendly little chat with them about what happened. But both my kids and the aftercare instructors are present and the conversation is not confrontational. When the other parent arrives and sees that I am talking to her kids, she seems to get upset about it. So, my question is: am I not supposed to talk to her kids? Is this not acceptable in this culture? It is strange for me since the the kids are very friendly, so I do not understand why the mother would have to be so jumpy about it when she sees it. I am going to talk to the aftercare director and ask him this too, but I was curious to get some feedback. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

What you are describing isn't a friendly chat. You are telling a kid that they did something wrong. That's what the aftercare people are there for. A friendly chat is saying- did you have fun playing kickball or wow that is a nice drawing, do you like to draw. Or wow it is cold, do you like the cold, do you hope for snow?
You just sound annoying.

[Anonymous]

No, it is not appropriate to “talk” to another kid about how you feel they mistreated your kid. I’d be mad too. You tell the aftercare provider and they can talk to the kid if they see fit.

[Anonymous]

Friendly greetings and small talk are acceptable but correcting behavior is not.

[Anonymous]

Don’t discipline other people’s kids. If there’s an issue talk to the adults in charge.

[Anonymous]

Two things are wrong. 1) what you describe is not a small chat with a child. It’s unnecessary drama. 2) when I pick up my child in the afternoon, I need to go ASAP. You are slowing that process down.

[Anonymous]

OP here, ok thanks. It was a group thing, meaning my other kid and those other kids excluded my other kid. And the aftercare teachers reported it to me. So, of course I talked to my own kid about it that night. Since the four kids are friendly, I thought i would also chat about it with the other two kids. I don't think I am annoying; I guess I did not understand that when I pick up my kids and sometimes have to wait 15 or minutes while they are still playing and getting ready, I am not allowed to talk in a friendly way to the other kids. Guess it must be a cultural thing. I would not be offended, in fact, I would be happy if someone did the same to my kids. As I said, it was done in a friendly way. Anyway, will talk to the director tomorrow and now I know.

[Anonymous]

OP here, responding to 20:32; sorry, but I am the one who is waiting for the kids to get ready, I am not slowing things down. I am not going to go into all the details; I was just curious if this is something that is not done around here. I don't have issues with other kids since we do playdates etc, but only with this particular pair of siblings' parent. Anyway, thanks for clearing this up for me. Now I know better.

[Anonymous]

Of course it is wrong of you to correct someone else’s child. You are an adult and their parents did not put you in charge. Of course the mom is upset! You can’t really be this clueless!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, ok thanks. It was a group thing, meaning my other kid and those other kids excluded my other kid. And the aftercare teachers reported it to me. So, of course I talked to my own kid about it that night. Since the four kids are friendly, I thought i would also chat about it with the other two kids. I don't think I am annoying; I guess I did not understand that when I pick up my kids and sometimes have to wait 15 or minutes while they are still playing and getting ready, I am not allowed to talk in a friendly way to the other kids. Guess it must be a cultural thing. I would not be offended, in fact, I would be happy if someone did the same to my kids. As I said, it was done in a friendly way. Anyway, will talk to the director tomorrow and now I know.

A cultural thing?

What is your culture and what is the culture of the other children and daycare providers?

[Anonymous]

I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong, OP. Some people on DCUM tend to be ready to find offense everywhere. The other parent may have felt targeted by what she viewed as your unnecessary interference, or she might have been grumpy for a reason that had nothing to do with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

Some (touchy) people.

The rest of us are fine with it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

Some (touchy) people.

The rest of us are fine with it!

Hey OP did you post a question or did you come here to lecture us? It’s not fine. When I was a kid adults did this to me quite often. It was most definitely a power trip for them and I never “learned” anything from these talks. You lectured someone else’s kid about your snowflake. Get over yourself.