Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, ok thanks. It was a group thing, meaning my other kid and those other kids excluded my other kid. And the aftercare teachers reported it to me. So, of course I talked to my own kid about it that night. Since the four kids are friendly, I thought i would also chat about it with the other two kids. I don't think I am annoying; I guess I did not understand that when I pick up my kids and sometimes have to wait 15 or minutes while they are still playing and getting ready, I am not allowed to talk in a friendly way to the other kids. Guess it must be a cultural thing. I would not be offended, in fact, I would be happy if someone did the same to my kids. As I said, it was done in a friendly way. Anyway, will talk to the director tomorrow and now I know.

Let the aftercare workers chastise the other kids. Not your job. That I should probably why the other parents were offended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

Some (touchy) people.

The rest of us are fine with it!

Maybe OP’s kid was being obnoxious and the other kids didn’t want to play with him/her. That is a natural consequence - I don’t force my kids to play with annoying kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

I don't care what you think about me correcting a child. I'm an adult and you're not the boss of me.

I correct other people's kids. If you don't like it, too bad. It doesn't sound as if OP was even correcting the children involved, anyway -- just talking to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

I don't care what you think about me correcting a child. I'm an adult and you're not the boss of me.

I correct other people's kids. If you don't like it, too bad. It doesn't sound as if OP was even correcting the children involved, anyway -- just talking to them.

So you’re a bully? I’d instruct aftercare to keep you the hell away from my kid. You don’t work there.

[Anonymous]

What is your culture? In Europe, not only we stay out of kids' business, we stay out of school.
My kids would've been mortified to have me there telling something to their friends unless it is something super nice.

[Anonymous]

It takes a village. I may not like it but if my child did something wrong, I’d be ok with other parents talking to them about it. I would not be ok with another parent talking to my child about how my child “mistreated” their child. So it would depend on what you were saying.

[Anonymous]

I would just engage in small talk With the kids, no behavior correction.

[Anonymous]

OP here - wow, I am amazed about ALL this sensitivity about talking to kids in a NICE, constructive way. But it's ok for you guys to be nasty as heck on this forum.

[Anonymous]

I've always talked to my kids' friends. I've hugged them, band-aided them, given them snacks, tied shoelaces, redone ponytails, whatever. It takes a village.

Okay: "Whoa kids! How can you resolve this so it's fair for ALL of you?
Not okay: "Whoa, Aiden! You can't steal that from my Lily - are you a thief?"

Do you only talk to the other kids to correct their behavior, or are you also saying things like "Hi guys, did you have fun today? I love your shirt - girls ARE powerful." ?

[Anonymous]

Usually you only say “a quick hello,” but when you feel your kid has been wronged, you have a “nice,” “friendly,” “constructive” chat? Yeah, no. I have no problem with teachers or parents I know well doing this, but I draw the line at potentially whack-job strangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t discipline other people’s kids. If there’s an issue talk to the adults in charge.

This. You don't chastise other peoples kids when you don't know the entire situation. Who does that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

I don't care what you think about me correcting a child. I'm an adult and you're not the boss of me.

I correct other people's kids. If you don't like it, too bad. It doesn't sound as if OP was even correcting the children involved, anyway -- just talking to them.

So you’re a bully? I’d instruct aftercare to keep you the hell away from my kid. You don’t work there.

Do you even know what a bully is? Hint: it's not anyone who does not stroke you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

Some (touchy) people.

The rest of us are fine with it!

Maybe OP’s kid was being obnoxious and the other kids didn’t want to play with him/her. That is a natural consequence - I don’t force my kids to play with annoying kids.

Its probably a younger kid.

[Anonymous]

I would be angry about you “having a chat” to one of my kids about a perceived slight that you have, for many reasons, not the least of which is that you have no idea what happened.

I still remember getting blasted by some old witch in my neighborhood for badmouthing her kid to the other kids when, newsflash you old witch, I don’t even know your damn kid and I have better things to do.

If someone is annoying my kids, I teach them to ignore and walk away. Maybe your kid was just being annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You did nothing wrong, OP. Some people on DCUM tend to be ready to find offense everywhere. The other parent may have felt targeted by what she viewed as your unnecessary interference, or she might have been grumpy for a reason that had nothing to do with you.

This. Hard to get the whole picture but parents can be really weird about stuff like this (which I find generally a bad thing, but it is what is is)

I was volunteering during a classroom event once and my own son and two other boys were pushing each other etc. The teacher and other parents were in the room but preoccupied. I said “hey..boys! No pushing!” and another parent called the teacher the next day to complain that “Larlo’s mom yelled at my son!” (Which I definitely didn’t lol) the parent wasn’t present at the classroom event but it was full of other parents and the teacher. The kid was apparently traumatized by this and went home and cried to his mom. The teacher was sympathetic to me as she knew I definitely didn’t yell- the was in the room for goodness sake. But- I felt embarrassed.

So yeah- don’t correct other kids, even mildly. This was when my son was in kindergarten and I don’t volunteer for things where I might be supervising kids anymore like field trips- not sure what to do if you can’t tell a kid in your group to not do something..

At any rate, I’d stop doing this, for sure.