Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I teach my kids to be respectful. Not scream like maniacs.

We are all entitled to our parenting philosophies. I didn't want my children to be deferential to any adult just because. Their teachers or parents of their friends who they were told to mind have never complained. A random adult buttonholing my kids doesn't deserve respect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other mom already made it clear she didn't like the OP -- that right there is significant to me. The other mom can't even be friendly to the parent of her child's friend? She can't even be bothered to fake it, just to be polite? The other mom has the problem, not OP. We need less people like her in society.

It may say more about OP than the other mom. OP may be known to be a major PIA. (I’m guessing she is).

So you keep saying. I'm on team OP. OP your behavior would be normal anywhere but in NW dc and close-in Bethesda.

I’ve dealt with various schools in more than 6 states, rural, urban and suburban. Going up to kids of anyone except a close friend and telling them to include your child is not normal anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The other mom already made it clear she didn't like the OP -- that right there is significant to me. The other mom can't even be friendly to the parent of her child's friend? She can't even be bothered to fake it, just to be polite? The other mom has the problem, not OP. We need less people like her in society.

It may say more about OP than the other mom. OP may be known to be a major PIA. (I’m guessing she is).

So you keep saying. I'm on team OP. OP your behavior would be normal anywhere but in NW dc and close-in Bethesda.

It’s not welcome in N. Arlington either.

Team Unknown Non-Helicopter Mom

A non-helicopter mom would not be so upset that her kids were talking to another kid's mom. Considering the mother of a classmate to be a random stranger is helicopter parenting taken to an extreme.

Nope. Approaching kids you don’t really know, and you don’t know the parents, to lecture about including your child? Complete helicopter move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
OP here - thank you. This is similar since one of my own kids was part of the group I was chatting with. I would like to understand why parents might be so sensitive about something like this, like the story you described. This is how kids learn how to behave and socialize. Teacher and caretakers are not always available to chime in.

OP, you've already been told that but you aren't interested in understanding why parents are sensitive about something like this, you are interested in making everyone say, you are right and they are wrong, of course what you did is perfect. That's not going to happen.

For the complete avoidance of doubt on your end: you are not allowed to correct kids other than your own, unless they are in immediate physical danger, or mistreating another child or yours right in front of you. If children are not in your care, the way they behave is not your business. They may be perfect little assholes but their parents have every right to their parenting choices and it's not up to you to correct it. It's clear that you see yourself in the role of The One Who Teaches Kids How to Behave and Socialize, and the truth is no one hired you for the job.

My children are grown but when they were of elementary age, I've taught them a neat trick that made sure all preachy adults stayed the hell away from them. The trick is to start screaming, "you are not my mother! you're not my mother!" It got all other adults to stare at the talking adult in a way that she wished the earth would open up and swallow her whole. I instructed my children as to which specific adults they should obey; if you weren't on the list, you got the "you're not my mother!" treatment. You don't want that, believe me.

I was going to respond to the bold -- by saying that you don't get to tell adults what to do -- but then I read your last paragraph. Ha ha, wow. You are f'iing nuts to teach your kids to react to people like that (and then brag about it???). Crazy parenting. Crazy.

Jhoon Rhee Tae Kwon Do (and other martial arts/self defense) teaches kids to do that if any adult they don’t know comes up to them and starts talking, grabbing or touching them. It’s more likely to get attention than “Help!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I teach my kids to be respectful. Not scream like maniacs.

We are all entitled to our parenting philosophies. I didn't want my children to be deferential to any adult just because. Their teachers or parents of their friends who they were told to mind have never complained. A random adult buttonholing my kids doesn't deserve respect.

I do teach my kids to be respectful "just because." That's how we treat others, and how I teach my kids to treat others. They can't get in the car with anyone without my permission, but -- speaking to them? Of course they should be respectful of others "just because." I already posted this, but we have a cranky neighbor who doesn't like it when kids play out front. I teach my kids to be respectful of her and stop playing when she tells them to -- even though their friends' parents teach their kids to be indignant in response. How in the world can we have a functioning society if children are allowed to tell adults what is acceptable? Or to shout "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" when someone they actually interact with requests something of them?

Absurd.

[Anonymous]

Op, this seems totally fine to me. You seem like you understand that there might be sensitivities and have made sure to adjust your tone etc accordingly. Sounds like the other mom is overreacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I teach my kids to be respectful. Not scream like maniacs.

We are all entitled to our parenting philosophies. I didn't want my children to be deferential to any adult just because. Their teachers or parents of their friends who they were told to mind have never complained. A random adult buttonholing my kids doesn't deserve respect.

I do teach my kids to be respectful "just because." That's how we treat others, and how I teach my kids to treat others. They can't get in the car with anyone without my permission, but -- speaking to them? Of course they should be respectful of others "just because." I already posted this, but we have a cranky neighbor who doesn't like it when kids play out front. I teach my kids to be respectful of her and stop playing when she tells them to -- even though their friends' parents teach their kids to be indignant in response. How in the world can we have a functioning society if children are allowed to tell adults what is acceptable? Or to shout "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" when someone they actually interact with requests something of them?

Absurd.

You misunderstand.

Your neighbor has every right to tell off the kids playing on her property.

We disagree on the children/adults thing. An unrelated adult has no business telling my child what to do or criticizing them if it doesn't involve them directly.

OP wasn't requesting anything. She was telling unrelated children what to do. The hell?

But by all means, continue to teach your children that any adult may tell them what's acceptable and they must obey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is wrong of you to correct someone else’s child. You are an adult and their parents did not put you in charge. Of course the mom is upset! You can’t really be this clueless!?

Have you SEEN any aftercare settings? There's very little supervision. OP was probably fine. We are all part of a community and we have expectations of children that they not hit, call names, etc. and I will 100% step in if I see another child doing something nasty. I am probably still very fond of that child since I know all the kids in the lower grades at our school. They're great, they still mess up, just like my kids. If my kid does something wrong in aftercare, the teacher probably can't/won't see it and if another parent is there to say "hey, that wasn't cool" that's fine. My kid isn't a snowflake who's going to melt. It might drive the message home a bit better anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I teach my kids to be respectful. Not scream like maniacs.

We are all entitled to our parenting philosophies. I didn't want my children to be deferential to any adult just because. Their teachers or parents of their friends who they were told to mind have never complained. A random adult buttonholing my kids doesn't deserve respect.

I do teach my kids to be respectful "just because." That's how we treat others, and how I teach my kids to treat others. They can't get in the car with anyone without my permission, but -- speaking to them? Of course they should be respectful of others "just because." I already posted this, but we have a cranky neighbor who doesn't like it when kids play out front. I teach my kids to be respectful of her and stop playing when she tells them to -- even though their friends' parents teach their kids to be indignant in response. How in the world can we have a functioning society if children are allowed to tell adults what is acceptable? Or to shout "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" when someone they actually interact with requests something of them?

Absurd.

You misunderstand.

Your neighbor has every right to tell off the kids playing on her property.

We disagree on the children/adults thing. An unrelated adult has no business telling my child what to do or criticizing them if it doesn't involve them directly.

OP wasn't requesting anything. She was telling unrelated children what to do. The hell?

But by all means, continue to teach your children that any adult may tell them what's acceptable and they must obey.

A close community member (neighbor they know well or parent of their close friend) is not "telling unrelated children what to do". Do you live in a bubble? Do you get mad when people park in front of your house? Do you want these same people to not stop your children from running into traffic or otherwise doing something dangerous? Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

At the end of the day who cares? You asked the group if they could include the 4th kid. It doesn’t really matter if the parent liked it or not. It’s done. The kids will either listen and include the kid or not. The kids might not have realized they were excluding the 4th.

For the parents that are saying not to talk to other people’s kids - be careful what this creates. The next time your snowflake is lost or someone is fcking with your kid, you are creating an environment where no one will want to step in because they don’t want the b.s. of not knowing if they were supposed to get involved.

OP - stop caring what the parent thinks. I have heard my youngest get yelled at by another adult. It was for a stupid reason, but whatever, the other adult was upset so he said something to my kid. I got over it and so did my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course it is wrong of you to correct someone else’s child. You are an adult and their parents did not put you in charge. Of course the mom is upset! You can’t really be this clueless!?

Have you SEEN any aftercare settings? There's very little supervision. OP was probably fine. We are all part of a community and we have expectations of children that they not hit, call names, etc. and I will 100% step in if I see another child doing something nasty. I am probably still very fond of that child since I know all the kids in the lower grades at our school. They're great, they still mess up, just like my kids. If my kid does something wrong in aftercare, the teacher probably can't/won't see it and if another parent is there to say "hey, that wasn't cool" that's fine. My kid isn't a snowflake who's going to melt. It might drive the message home a bit better anyway.

OP didn't SEE anything.

What are you going to do if you see other kids not including your kid? Badger them to include him or tell him to find something else to do?

[Anonymous]

Why are we still fighting. Clearly OP is “off.” Other parents already don’t like her. She refuses to listen to anyone who explains why this might be off putting to a parent. She also fails to realize no kid on earth ever began playing with the kid they don’t like because the other kids mom told them to. If anything, as soon as the other mom got her kids to the car that day she said something like “stay away from Johnny at aftercare” because she’s had it with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I teach my kids to be respectful. Not scream like maniacs.

We are all entitled to our parenting philosophies. I didn't want my children to be deferential to any adult just because. Their teachers or parents of their friends who they were told to mind have never complained. A random adult buttonholing my kids doesn't deserve respect.

I do teach my kids to be respectful "just because." That's how we treat others, and how I teach my kids to treat others. They can't get in the car with anyone without my permission, but -- speaking to them? Of course they should be respectful of others "just because." I already posted this, but we have a cranky neighbor who doesn't like it when kids play out front. I teach my kids to be respectful of her and stop playing when she tells them to -- even though their friends' parents teach their kids to be indignant in response. How in the world can we have a functioning society if children are allowed to tell adults what is acceptable? Or to shout "YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER! YOU'RE NOT MY MOTHER!" when someone they actually interact with requests something of them?

Absurd.

I think it’s absurd that she’s allowed to tell your kids whether they’re allowed to play in front of their own home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not clueless. I would be happy if someone talks to my child in a constructive way. My kids were there too, and I was talking to them as a group. Not sure why this is such a big issue. I find it strange. I think it is just a cultural thing. People communicate differently here.

People don’t want you correcting their child, even in a friendly way. It’s not your place.

Some (touchy) people.

The rest of us are fine with it!

And some of us welcome it. It’s a wonderful reinforcement from a stranger to say something you say in your own home. You do it with love, children love you for it because you are helping them to become stronger and more independent. I’m black, fwiw.

[Anonymous]

It takes a village, right?