Am I not supposed to talk to other people's kids at aftercare?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was in downtown Bethesda the other evening and a bunch of out of control tweens were climbing on the chain that opens and shuts a garage door leading to the dumpsters of a business. Everyone was just walking by. I shouted from across the street, "Hey, cut that out. Bad idea. You could get killed." They were shocked. But then -- they stopped.

Uh yeah...
I hate to tell you, but those kids said "uh, ok" to appease you and started doing it again the second you walked away feeling super proud of yourself.

Because you were eyewitness to the whole thing?

[Anonymous]

It can be irritating when others correct your kids. Not in all circumstances- but over the holidays we hosted Christmas dinner and my BIL and SIL who have no kids like to correct and direct my kids. For example, we were all sitting down to the table and waiting for people to get served food and my three year old is sitting nicely with his new transformer at table while we are waiting to start eating. My SIL says "No toys at the table Larlo." Where she is getting this rule, as it is our house and our table and he is not being disruptive at all, I don't know. I ignore her and say he needs to put away the toy once everyone gets their food.

While we are opening presents in a room strewn with wrapping paper all over and my three year old is opening up a candy that he received and lets the wrapper drop to the floor- BIL says "Pick that up and put it in that bowl over there." The whole party has been letting paper fall where it may! The problem is that this puts me in the position of having to enforce or not enforce their random directives and rules. What they are choosing to nitpick may not be something that I think is worth the battle to enforce.

Yes, if it is something that is a safety issue or egregious, but otherwise, don't correct other people's kids, especially when you are a guest in their home. It can also come across as critical to the kid and parents if you feel the liberty to intervene with their child over minor things.

My BIL tried to correct something else minor my kid was doing and I said "If there is a behavior that needs addressing I will do it."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

You don’t get it. In their mind, you’re two friends’ parent and maybe an adult acquaintance. You aren’t a friend of the parent or child. You only know the kids in one small way, and it does NOT give you the right to act like you know how their parent wants them act!

Of course I am not the Mother's friend, and not a friend of the two kids. I am the mother of my kids' friends. We have invited these kids to my kids b'day party. Those two kids have invited my kids to their b'day party. They have attended a common friend's birthday party. I am not representing their Mother when I talk to them. Don't be so weird. There is no such rule that only the parents can talk to children. People do not live in their individual bubbles. We are all part of a community. Too bad that many of you prefer to isolate your kids from natural human interaction. And sorry, but my kids are not the snowflakes and I am not the helicopter parent. It's the other way around. You are the helicopter parents and your kids are the snowflakes - those who posted that no other adults should be able to interact with their kids. Thank god I did not grow up in a society with these kind of values. Must be exhausting, fearful and very isolating.

Why did you post in the first place if you didn’t want to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

In your post, you said the other parent seemed upset you were talking to her kid. Many of us said we would also not want you talking to our kids. We don’t want you correcting our kids in a friendly way. You are not listening to anyone.

If it was a kid at your house for a play date and we hang out together, of course I would be fine with you talking to my kids. These are people we have relationships with.

It is obvious the mom does not like you and does not want you talking to her kids. Take a hint, lady.

Yeah, well than maybe the kids should not come up to me to chit-chat either, right? Every evening I am there for pick-up for 5-15 minutes waiting for the kids to get ready. It's obvious that the other kids want to engage. The other Mother had no clue what was going on when she arrived, and she just assumed something was wrong with the kids, that's why she seemed upset. I am not sure if you know how aftercare works or how pick-up takes place. Also, at least I am friendly my kids' friends and don't ignore them. Unlike the other mother who totally ignores my kids and never even looks at them or says hello when she picks up her kids. Even though she very well knows that they play together the entire afternoon, every single school day. Now that is strange for me.

You are right. I don’t. I stay home. I do pick up my kids from after school activities and sports. Every parent of my kids’ friends at least says hi to me. If our kids are friends and we see them around school, activities, parties and play dates, we are friendly. We will talk while waiting for our kids to finish, kids sometimes ask for play dates, we make plans or not.

I would not want to hang out with you and may avoid you too.

[Anonymous]

WTH people!? It takes a village. It is perfectly fine to correct someone else’s children or instruct them politely in what’s expected in your home or some other setting. Parents who are not OK with this are raising spoiled entitled brats. We had friends over the other night and their 4 year olds went into our pantry and started getting food out, Unpacking it, making a mess and helping themselves to it all over the kitchen counter. The parents didn’t say anything so I did. Not a big deal, I didn’t shame them or yell at them, I just let them know that if they wanted something we would help them get it out and they could eat it at the table. I have 3 kids and I hope that other adults will help them by guiding behavior if I’m not there to do it and they need a reminder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTH people!? It takes a village. It is perfectly fine to correct someone else’s children or instruct them politely in what’s expected in your home or some other setting. Parents who are not OK with this are raising spoiled entitled brats. We had friends over the other night and their 4 year olds went into our pantry and started getting food out, Unpacking it, making a mess and helping themselves to it all over the kitchen counter. The parents didn’t say anything so I did. Not a big deal, I didn’t shame them or yell at them, I just let them know that if they wanted something we would help them get it out and they could eat it at the table. I have 3 kids and I hope that other adults will help them by guiding behavior if I’m not there to do it and they need a reminder.

This is a different situation. You directly witnessed the bad behavior. OP did not, and is going off of her child's report.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTH people!? It takes a village. It is perfectly fine to correct someone else’s children or instruct them politely in what’s expected in your home or some other setting. Parents who are not OK with this are raising spoiled entitled brats. We had friends over the other night and their 4 year olds went into our pantry and started getting food out, Unpacking it, making a mess and helping themselves to it all over the kitchen counter. The parents didn’t say anything so I did. Not a big deal, I didn’t shame them or yell at them, I just let them know that if they wanted something we would help them get it out and they could eat it at the table. I have 3 kids and I hope that other adults will help them by guiding behavior if I’m not there to do it and they need a reminder.

This is a different situation. You directly witnessed the bad behavior. OP did not, and is going off of her child's report.

OP here - and the aftercare workers' report, just to clarify.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTH people!? It takes a village. It is perfectly fine to correct someone else’s children or instruct them politely in what’s expected in your home or some other setting. Parents who are not OK with this are raising spoiled entitled brats. We had friends over the other night and their 4 year olds went into our pantry and started getting food out, Unpacking it, making a mess and helping themselves to it all over the kitchen counter. The parents didn’t say anything so I did. Not a big deal, I didn’t shame them or yell at them, I just let them know that if they wanted something we would help them get it out and they could eat it at the table. I have 3 kids and I hope that other adults will help them by guiding behavior if I’m not there to do it and they need a reminder.

OP here - agree and would hope you would do this to my kids as well.

[Anonymous]

OP is hung up on how nice she thinks she is. Keeps reiterating how nice she was, usual chat about her kid being excluded. Sounds like a phone call, a perfect phone call.

OP, it doesn't matter how nice you think you are. I guarantee you are not perceived way. You sound like a PITA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

In your post, you said the other parent seemed upset you were talking to her kid. Many of us said we would also not want you talking to our kids. We don’t want you correcting our kids in a friendly way. You are not listening to anyone.

If it was a kid at your house for a play date and we hang out together, of course I would be fine with you talking to my kids. These are people we have relationships with.

It is obvious the mom does not like you and does not want you talking to her kids. Take a hint, lady.

Yeah, well than maybe the kids should not come up to me to chit-chat either, right? Every evening I am there for pick-up for 5-15 minutes waiting for the kids to get ready. It's obvious that the other kids want to engage. The other Mother had no clue what was going on when she arrived, and she just assumed something was wrong with the kids, that's why she seemed upset. I am not sure if you know how aftercare works or how pick-up takes place. Also, at least I am friendly my kids' friends and don't ignore them. Unlike the other mother who totally ignores my kids and never even looks at them or says hello when she picks up her kids. Even though she very well knows that they play together the entire afternoon, every single school day. Now that is strange for me.

You are right. I don’t. I stay home. I do pick up my kids from after school activities and sports. Every parent of my kids’ friends at least says hi to me. If our kids are friends and we see them around school, activities, parties and play dates, we are friendly. We will talk while waiting for our kids to finish, kids sometimes ask for play dates, we make plans or not.

I would not want to hang out with you and may avoid you too.

OP here - yeap I do the same; except with this particular Mother. I say hello to her kids; her kids come up to my to chit chat, but she never acknowledges us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is hung up on how nice she thinks she is. Keeps reiterating how nice she was, usual chat about her kid being excluded. Sounds like a phone call, a perfect phone call.

OP, it doesn't matter how nice you think you are. I guarantee you are not perceived way. You sound like a PITA.

OP- no, I have not been saying how nice I was or m. I think I act normal. Act natural. Act human. And I did not think I overstepped. That's all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - we are traveling, and I have not been able to check in. Wow, I am seeing some crazy comments here. I am not going to go into more details about how things exactly happened and how our aftercare functions, but many of the things some of you described is incorrect.

It is surprising to me how some of you view the world. The way you think no-one but you should be able to talk to your child. I am not a stranger to those kid; the four kids (my two and the other two siblings) spend the entire afternoon together in aftercare 5 days a week, every single week. They are friends. Most of the time I arrive a bit earlier than the other Mother and the kids are playing together and I say hello to those other kids. They are nice kids, nice to me and my kids. But kids fight, but next day they make up. The kids are nice. The mother is not friendly and never says hello to me or my kids. Maybe she thinks that's normal, but it is not normal for me. The aftercare does not have sufficient supervision. I was nice to those kids when I chatted with them. It was not a lecture. It was a usual chat and I included maybe once sentence about what happened the day before. And the next day all four of them played together again, as they usually do.

There is so much drama in E.S. aftercare, it is not easy sometimes to manage kids of different grade levels who are still learning how to socialize. It's much more challenging than the regular classrooms where kids are more or less the same age.

You don’t get it. In their mind, you’re two friends’ parent and maybe an adult acquaintance. You aren’t a friend of the parent or child. You only know the kids in one small way, and it does NOT give you the right to act like you know how their parent wants them act!

Of course I am not the Mother's friend, and not a friend of the two kids. I am the mother of my kids' friends. We have invited these kids to my kids b'day party. Those two kids have invited my kids to their b'day party. They have attended a common friend's birthday party. I am not representing their Mother when I talk to them. Don't be so weird. There is no such rule that only the parents can talk to children. People do not live in their individual bubbles. We are all part of a community. Too bad that many of you prefer to isolate your kids from natural human interaction. And sorry, but my kids are not the snowflakes and I am not the helicopter parent. It's the other way around. You are the helicopter parents and your kids are the snowflakes - those who posted that no other adults should be able to interact with their kids. Thank god I did not grow up in a society with these kind of values. Must be exhausting, fearful and very isolating.

Why did you post in the first place if you didn’t want to understand?

OP here - now, I understand how many people think I guess. But I do not prescribe to this world view, that's all. Thankfully, I see that there are people who think it is ok to engage with kids other than my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It can be irritating when others correct your kids. Not in all circumstances- but over the holidays we hosted Christmas dinner and my BIL and SIL who have no kids like to correct and direct my kids. For example, we were all sitting down to the table and waiting for people to get served food and my three year old is sitting nicely with his new transformer at table while we are waiting to start eating. My SIL says "No toys at the table Larlo." Where she is getting this rule, as it is our house and our table and he is not being disruptive at all, I don't know. I ignore her and say he needs to put away the toy once everyone gets their food.

While we are opening presents in a room strewn with wrapping paper all over and my three year old is opening up a candy that he received and lets the wrapper drop to the floor- BIL says "Pick that up and put it in that bowl over there." The whole party has been letting paper fall where it may! The problem is that this puts me in the position of having to enforce or not enforce their random directives and rules. What they are choosing to nitpick may not be something that I think is worth the battle to enforce.

Yes, if it is something that is a safety issue or egregious, but otherwise, don't correct other people's kids, especially when you are a guest in their home. It can also come across as critical to the kid and parents if you feel the liberty to intervene with their child over minor things.

My BIL tried to correct something else minor my kid was doing and I said "If there is a behavior that needs addressing I will do it."

OP here - I understand what you are saying, and that can be irritating although they though they were being helpful. But this was your own house, you were hosting. It was not an aftercare situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is hung up on how nice she thinks she is. Keeps reiterating how nice she was, usual chat about her kid being excluded. Sounds like a phone call, a perfect phone call.

OP, it doesn't matter how nice you think you are. I guarantee you are not perceived way. You sound like a PITA.

OP- no, I have not been saying how nice I was or m. I think I act normal. Act natural. Act human. And I did not think I overstepped. That's all.

Yes, go back read all your replies. ALL of them say the same thing about how nice you think you are. The perfect conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is hung up on how nice she thinks she is. Keeps reiterating how nice she was, usual chat about her kid being excluded. Sounds like a phone call, a perfect phone call.

OP, it doesn't matter how nice you think you are. I guarantee you are not perceived way. You sound like a PITA.

OP- no, I have not been saying how nice I was or m. I think I act normal. Act natural. Act human. And I did not think I overstepped. That's all.

Just because you don’t think you overstepped doesn’t mean you didn’t overstep.

Something is going on if this other parent is deliberately avoiding you. You appear to be missing out on social cues here. She is just too nice to say something to you.