I'm afraid that my daughter is not very smart and I'm worried about her future job prospects

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put her in great schools and patrician sports/clubs and she'll be around ambitious peers. Peer group is more important than IQ.

DP. What are 'patrician' sports and clubs, if I may ask?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymou[b wrote:s]I don't understand why ok thinks you have to be smart or have a high processing speed to hold a full time job. I don't understand why she isn't hearing everyone telling her that.[/b] I am guessing she is mourning some highhigh achieving version of her daughter but can't say so since it is a little bit socially taboo to want that so instead she's convinced herself her daughter won't be able to hold a job.

OP here. I have been trying hard not to get angry with the posters like you, but I'm getting quite frustrated. What can I say? I'm her mother, I know what she's like and from what I see of her she seems like she will be very impacted on the job. And no, I'm not just talking about high achieving jobs. I think the job she would have the absolute hardest time with is a being a waiter. Yes, I get that there are people who aren't particularly smart or have high processing speeds who do fine. But my daughter is very negatively impacted by her slow processing speed. On most days, I try to tell myself the things that many others have said, oh she'll mature and it will get better, things will work out. But on other days, like today, when I'm being truly honest with myself, I can't help but admit to myself that I have a very hard time imagining her holding onto anything but the most rudimentary job.

well keep believing there's a big problem when there isn't then. Yea waitress is really hard. I was terrible at it. Most jobs do not require you be fast, but waitress is one that does. Anyway when most of dcum believes one thing, it's rare and usually true, but keep clinging to the one poster who agreed with you . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered any trades as opposed to college? I have a son who is not very smart (IQ more than 30 points less than your daughter's) and he does just fine.

Your sons IQ is under 80 and he does fine? Isn’t that on the border of mental retardation? I thought 75 was.

[Anonymous]

Dental assistants and hair stylists make more than I do with my master's degree, if they are motivated.

Two of my friends, with BS degrees, went back to trade school to become Dental hygienists. They do well financially and have much more time off than I do. If your child is attractive and extroverted, they can do well in pharmacy sales and many other types of sales positions.

I think the key is either sales or trade school.

[Anonymous]

Nobody can really tell if they are sure to be highly attractive at 12. And you need processing and quickness to know how to be attractive and leverage your appearance successfully. You are right to be concerned. Even to be a successful hairstylist or dental hygienist you need brains. That said it is a fact that 95 percent of Americans that graduate highschool, do not have children out of wedlock and have any job are solidly middle class or above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered any trades as opposed to college? I have a son who is not very smart (IQ more than 30 points less than your daughter's) and he does just fine.

Your sons IQ is under 80 and he does fine? Isn’t that on the border of mental retardation? I thought 75 was.

wow. check yourself PP. perhaps your EQ is at a very low level? what a thing to say!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Folks: OP is a troll. With that being said, whoever said a person with average intelligence can't be in big aw obviously isn't in big law or has NPD and doesn't really that he/she is surrounded by mediocre people with average IQs. My MIL is completely clueless and had a 30 year career in big law. In fact, I think you have to be stupid to follow that career path.

OP here. I swear I am not a troll. This is incredibly hard, I'm extremely worried about my daughter's future. Referring to her as not very smart is me just being extremely blunt. It may not (hopefully) even be true. But despite whether her issues are due to low processing speed, adhd, or any other type of learning disability. It's not something that would matter to a future employer. To a future employer, she just wouldn't come across as very smart and that is what I'm worried about.

I understand! BUT, she is 12. She will mature. Also, not daycare teacher as she needs to support herself if she never finds a partner but kindergarten teacher in a good school district or HR type thing. And obviously SAH mom!!

Let’s be realistic, women still want this and do this. Many, many in my area who were obviously the “ smart” ones based on colleges attended but they chose SAH. Also, yoga/ exercise instructor. Hair! Big bucks in this area. Six figures at top salons.

Two of my stylists thru the years were adorable, parents made them go to college, after graduating went to cosmetology. Both married VERY successful men

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will flat out admit it. I don't think my daughter is particularly bright. She is 12 years old and has taken the WISC IV that showed her IQ as being a 110, but with an extremely low processing speed. I realize that her iq definitely puts her well in the average range, but she is so impacted by her low processing speed that for all practical purposes she doesn't come across as smart in many areas. Her teachers always have concerns about her. She has to study very hard to retain anything, and she's very easily distracted and only manages to get B's because we sit down with her to study every night. But this can't go on forever and I have a hard time seeing how she can get through college. However, what worries me even more than college is if she will be able to remain employed. To be completely honest, I just can't imagine her being very good at any job. This is extremely painful for me to admit to myself, much less post. But I am absolutely worried to death about her future, and am just trying to envision what kind of job a person like her could possibly do.

Hi OP - I want to thank you for writing this. My 16yr old DS is similar to your DD. very average IQ, very slow processing. He also has a diagnosis of ADHD. I spend many sleepless nights wondering if he will ever be able to get a job, or even live on his own. I want to add though that I have the tendency to freak out about stuff, and have a very "glass half empty" attitude. DH thinks I'm being totally ridiculous. I am however resigned to the fact that he will likely go to community college first, and perhaps 4 yr after that. More than likely he will go to some type of trade school. He's very charming and handsome, but also socially awkward - which happens a lot with ADHD kids.

I guess all we can do is our best, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

OP here. Yes, she is and sad to say, this does seem to be her best hope. But obviously I can't hedge my bets on this.

Is she kind, outgoing, personable, creative, ... anything besides low processing and 110 IQ?

She is pretty, kind, very empathetic, creative (although not amazingly creative), but she is a bit too shy to be considered personable.

She could be a dentist technician, paralegal, admin assistant, therapist, sonographer

I think you are over reacting, have her do her myers briggs.

Yes, she will make less than your H. That is common in this area, kids making less than their parents. It's not the end of the world.

Actually, I don’t want a paralegal with a slow processing speed who comes across as a dullard.

Ditto with an admin assistant. I worked as one straight out of college, and it was the most intense job I've ever held. Left me totally drained at the end of the day; I'm sure your mileage might vary, but, in a private business, a high-level admin assistant job requires you to be very quick on your feet, and stress-resistant, to boot.

[Anonymous]

please post this in special needs forum for helpful advice and a much needed reality-check

[Anonymous]

There are avenues for someone with a passion for dance! I majored in dance just about 20 years ago and have lived very comfortably since graduation. I teach dance and group fitness classes, travel as a guest choreographer. Have worked part-time jobs in arts administration (and none of them required super star intelligence). I've never made what most of DCUM would consider adequate, but I can easily pay NW DC rent, pay my bills, have a comfortable social life, and am saving for retirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she pretty? She can marry well and be a SAHM.

A lot of people won’t like this answer but it’s realistic. Women do this and it’s totally accepted and even applauded, depending on how wealthy you are.

Wow! You mean deciding to forgo employment while raising one's own children is "totally accepted and even applauded"?? Who knew!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you considered any trades as opposed to college? I have a son who is not very smart (IQ more than 30 points less than your daughter's) and he does just fine.

Your sons IQ is under 80 and he does fine? Isn’t that on the border of mental retardation? I thought 75 was.

wow. check yourself PP. perhaps your EQ is at a very low level? what a thing to say!!!

I work with people with developmental disabilities. "Mental retardation" is a medical diagnosis. According to the DSM-V, persons with IQ in the range of 50-70 are considered to have mild mental retardation. 10 IQ points matter, and an IQ of 70 is not the same as an IQ of 80.

Discussing this diagnosis is NOT the same as the effort, which I totally support, to eliminate the insensitive and damaging use of the terms "retarded" and "retard" as insults.

With all of that said, OP is a troll. An IQ of 110 is above average.

[Anonymous]

An IW of 110 is probably what 75th percentile or around there?! What is wrong with people on this board? There are plenty of people even with *GASP* 50th percentile going to college and getting decent jobs. I understand that OP worries about work ethic and processing, but the IQ is totally fine and higher than a large majority of the population. Get a grip people. This is a HIGH average IQ.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymou[b wrote:s]I don't understand why ok thinks you have to be smart or have a high processing speed to hold a full time job. I don't understand why she isn't hearing everyone telling her that.[/b] I am guessing she is mourning some highhigh achieving version of her daughter but can't say so since it is a little bit socially taboo to want that so instead she's convinced herself her daughter won't be able to hold a job.

OP here. I have been trying hard not to get angry with the posters like you, but I'm getting quite frustrated. What can I say? I'm her mother, I know what she's like and from what I see of her she seems like she will be very impacted on the job. And no, I'm not just talking about high achieving jobs. I think the job she would have the absolute hardest time with is a being a waiter. Yes, I get that there are people who aren't particularly smart or have high processing speeds who do fine. But my daughter is very negatively impacted by her slow processing speed. On most days, I try to tell myself the things that many others have said, oh she'll mature and it will get better, things will work out. But on other days, like today, when I'm being truly honest with myself, I can't help but admit to myself that I have a very hard time imagining her holding onto anything but the most rudimentary job.

well keep believing there's a big problem when there isn't then. Yea waitress is really hard. I was terrible at it. Most jobs do not require you be fast, but waitress is one that does. Anyway when most of dcum believes one thing, it's rare and usually true, but keep clinging to the one poster who agreed with you . .

You know what? It's possible for it to be both. It is possible that it is something that OP's DD will mature and grow out of. And it's also possible that it's not. But some parents like to do what they can early on to help their children with obstacles that they see in their path. It doesn't mean that she's automatically assuming a disaster of catastrophic proportions or that she's overemphasizing a problem that may not develop. She has said that on good days she agrees with the majority, but on bad days, she worries. How many of you identify a potential problem for your child, decide that it won't be a problem and never worry about it again? I think all of us have fears that a certain tendency or trait in our children may become a bigger problem and while we don't dwell on it, we do worry about it from time to time. And if there is something you can do about it, to help your child in the future, you do.

So, as I mentioned up-thread (and several other PPs have as well), it is important for OP to look at her DD's strengths and try to encourage and develop those strengths into something that may help her in the future. So, for example, OP has said that she's a good and avid dancer. That can be developed. Even without particular studying aptitude, one can become a good dancer, choreographer, dance captain, or teacher. A love of dance can also lead to other options when combined with other skills. I've known good dancers who were able to combine this skill with other skills to be employed. One of the women who coaches the roller skating team at our roller rink has been a lifelong roller skater and has a background in dance. She teaches roller-skating lessons and classes and then she also coaches the teen teams and helps them choreograph dance moves. Her dance training helps her a lot. Same with ice skating. I'm originally from Pittsburgh. The classic story is that after it was discovered that Lynn Swann credited his ballet dance background with helping him that many local teams got dance teachers to help their players with coordination, balance and agility skills.

So while it isn't a disaster, being concerned about your child's future and looking for ways to help her do the best with the skills she has, can be a positive thing in a parent.