Closed Adoption and found the birth mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had some asshole contact me, saying we share a father. She tracked me through some cousin on my dad’s side who put her DNA online. I didn’t put any DNA online. She then peppered me with questions about “our” family. GTFOH. I told her that I have only two siblings—those I was raised with—and that her family is whoever raised her. She got very upset, so I called the police precinct near where she lived to have her cautioned.

I didn’t ask my father any questions or mention it to my mother because I don’t care. Some random jerk doesn’t get to blow up my family. The kind of selfish, aggressively intrusive person who seeks to override a closed adoption to wedge herself into others’ lives doesn’t deserve to be in my life IMO. I don’t need a kook occupying my time.

Harsh, but real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had some asshole contact me, saying we share a father. She tracked me through some cousin on my dad’s side who put her DNA online. I didn’t put any DNA online. She then peppered me with questions about “our” family. GTFOH. I told her that I have only two siblings—those I was raised with—and that her family is whoever raised her. She got very upset, so I called the police precinct near where she lived to have her cautioned.

I didn’t ask my father any questions or mention it to my mother because I don’t care. Some random jerk doesn’t get to blow up my family. The kind of selfish, aggressively intrusive person who seeks to override a closed adoption to wedge herself into others’ lives doesn’t deserve to be in my life IMO. I don’t need a kook occupying my time.

Harsh, but real.

She was trying to blow up the family(?) but, hey, not your father who is actually the person in question here. No, she doesn't need a relationship with you or him, but she does deserve to get info. If you took it to court, she would be cautioned if she was harassing you. She wasn't. She was not a kook, but you are deluded. I doubt she was cautioned.

[Anonymous]

I am not trying to underplay the emotions your sister is feeling, but I think what she did was egregious.

I think she has a right to attempt to reach out to her birth mother. But she does not have a right to do that through BM's children/relatives. If your sister had the means (or your parents did), she should have hired a private investigator to try to find BM and reach our privately. Sadly, I suspect the outcome may have been different if she had done this.

Can you imagine if you'd given a child up for adoption at 15 either from rape or bad judgement or if it was just very painful, as it must be, and then out of the blue 25 years later your children and their cousins were contacted by the child you gave up? That is really a violation of all kinds of things, and though I do recognize your sister's pain, I can't imagine the world of hurt and shock it brings the BM and her family.

Also, it sounds as if your parents told you sister she *may* get access to BM when she turns 18 throughout her childhood, knowing she wouldn't? That's really horrible, and makes it easier to understand your sister's wayward approach to this.

[Anonymous]

NP here. You do not have a right to talk to me even if I share some DNA. Restraining orders exist if you stalk me or my family. I owe you nothing. Great we had the same bio father and you found us bc my brother posted his DNA without my and my mom’s consent. Stop trying to contact me on every social media platform. Deadbeat dad is dead, brother is an addict who disappears (like father like son!), and I don’t need anyone upsetting my mother with demenia.


I did get a restraining order bc she would just show up at my mom’s nursing home - thank god for security but she did make her cry the first time when she got through. She also came to my door. I had to delete all my social media, change my phone number,and move my mom to a different nursing home.

I’m sorry you want answers I don’t have. I told you this in a fb message, yet you didn’t stop. Stop requesting to come to holidays. I’m not your family.

From the other side. We owe you nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had some asshole contact me, saying we share a father. She tracked me through some cousin on my dad’s side who put her DNA online. I didn’t put any DNA online. She then peppered me with questions about “our” family. GTFOH. I told her that I have only two siblings—those I was raised with—and that her family is whoever raised her. She got very upset, so I called the police precinct near where she lived to have her cautioned.

I didn’t ask my father any questions or mention it to my mother because I don’t care. Some random jerk doesn’t get to blow up my family. The kind of selfish, aggressively intrusive person who seeks to override a closed adoption to wedge herself into others’ lives doesn’t deserve to be in my life IMO. I don’t need a kook occupying my time.

Harsh, but real.

She was trying to blow up the family(?) but, hey, not your father who is actually the person in question here. No, she doesn't need a relationship with you or him, but she does deserve to get info. If you took it to court, she would be cautioned if she was harassing you. She wasn't. She was not a kook, but you are deluded. I doubt she was cautioned.

You can repeat this all you want, but that doesn’t make what you say right. The fact that you were adopted does not give you the right to enter others’ lives uninvited. 9 out of 10 times, you will catch a well-deserved backlash and you have no one to blame but yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. You do not have a right to talk to me even if I share some DNA. Restraining orders exist if you stalk me or my family. I owe you nothing. Great we had the same bio father and you found us bc my brother posted his DNA without my and my mom’s consent. Stop trying to contact me on every social media platform. Deadbeat dad is dead, brother is an addict who disappears (like father like son!), and I don’t need anyone upsetting my mother with demenia.


I did get a restraining order bc she would just show up at my mom’s nursing home - thank god for security but she did make her cry the first time when she got through. She also came to my door. I had to delete all my social media, change my phone number,and move my mom to a different nursing home.

I’m sorry you want answers I don’t have. I told you this in a fb message, yet you didn’t stop. Stop requesting to come to holidays. I’m not your family.

From the other side. We owe you nothing.

Wow, just wow. And, you wonder why your brother disappears.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here. You do not have a right to talk to me even if I share some DNA. Restraining orders exist if you stalk me or my family. I owe you nothing. Great we had the same bio father and you found us bc my brother posted his DNA without my and my mom’s consent. Stop trying to contact me on every social media platform. Deadbeat dad is dead, brother is an addict who disappears (like father like son!), and I don’t need anyone upsetting my mother with demenia.


I did get a restraining order bc she would just show up at my mom’s nursing home - thank god for security but she did make her cry the first time when she got through. She also came to my door. I had to delete all my social media, change my phone number,and move my mom to a different nursing home.

I’m sorry you want answers I don’t have. I told you this in a fb message, yet you didn’t stop. Stop requesting to come to holidays. I’m not your family.

From the other side. We owe you nothing.

Ugh...looks like the family you came from were all prizes, like you ( ), so, she is lucky. Pretty sure it was worth it to know that. Pretty sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. You do not have a right to talk to me even if I share some DNA. Restraining orders exist if you stalk me or my family. I owe you nothing. Great we had the same bio father and you found us bc my brother posted his DNA without my and my mom’s consent. Stop trying to contact me on every social media platform. Deadbeat dad is dead, brother is an addict who disappears (like father like son!), and I don’t need anyone upsetting my mother with demenia.


I did get a restraining order bc she would just show up at my mom’s nursing home - thank god for security but she did make her cry the first time when she got through. She also came to my door. I had to delete all my social media, change my phone number,and move my mom to a different nursing home.

I’m sorry you want answers I don’t have. I told you this in a fb message, yet you didn’t stop. Stop requesting to come to holidays. I’m not your family.

From the other side. We owe you nothing.

Wow, just wow. And, you wonder why your brother disappears.

This. +1000000. The adoptee was lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had some asshole contact me, saying we share a father. She tracked me through some cousin on my dad’s side who put her DNA online. I didn’t put any DNA online. She then peppered me with questions about “our” family. GTFOH. I told her that I have only two siblings—those I was raised with—and that her family is whoever raised her. She got very upset, so I called the police precinct near where she lived to have her cautioned.

I didn’t ask my father any questions or mention it to my mother because I don’t care. Some random jerk doesn’t get to blow up my family. The kind of selfish, aggressively intrusive person who seeks to override a closed adoption to wedge herself into others’ lives doesn’t deserve to be in my life IMO. I don’t need a kook occupying my time.

Harsh, but real.

She was trying to blow up the family(?) but, hey, not your father who is actually the person in question here. No, she doesn't need a relationship with you or him, but she does deserve to get info. If you took it to court, she would be cautioned if she was harassing you. She wasn't. She was not a kook, but you are deluded. I doubt she was cautioned.

You can repeat this all you want, but that doesn’t make what you say right. The fact that you were adopted does not give you the right to enter others’ lives uninvited. 9 out of 10 times, you will catch a well-deserved backlash and you have no one to blame but yourself.

Uh, who are you talking to? Are you that paranoid that you still think it is your "stalker?" Calm down. I have no horse in this game. Get some help, hon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. You do not have a right to talk to me even if I share some DNA. Restraining orders exist if you stalk me or my family. I owe you nothing. Great we had the same bio father and you found us bc my brother posted his DNA without my and my mom’s consent. Stop trying to contact me on every social media platform. Deadbeat dad is dead, brother is an addict who disappears (like father like son!), and I don’t need anyone upsetting my mother with demenia.


I did get a restraining order bc she would just show up at my mom’s nursing home - thank god for security but she did make her cry the first time when she got through. She also came to my door. I had to delete all my social media, change my phone number,and move my mom to a different nursing home.

I’m sorry you want answers I don’t have. I told you this in a fb message, yet you didn’t stop. Stop requesting to come to holidays. I’m not your family.

From the other side. We owe you nothing.

Ugh...looks like the family you came from were all prizes, like you ( ), so, she is lucky. Pretty sure it was worth it to know that. Pretty sure.[/quote

Blame my awful father. My life has not been easy, and I’m left to take care of my mother without help. I really don’t need someone upsetting my ill mom who mentally doesn’t understand.

Don’t show up at my house and talk to my 6 year old DS.

If we tell you to stop please respect it.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is a bitch for trying to wreck this woman's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here. You do not have a right to talk to me even if I share some DNA. Restraining orders exist if you stalk me or my family. I owe you nothing. Great we had the same bio father and you found us bc my brother posted his DNA without my and my mom’s consent. Stop trying to contact me on every social media platform. Deadbeat dad is dead, brother is an addict who disappears (like father like son!), and I don’t need anyone upsetting my mother with demenia.


I did get a restraining order bc she would just show up at my mom’s nursing home - thank god for security but she did make her cry the first time when she got through. She also came to my door. I had to delete all my social media, change my phone number,and move my mom to a different nursing home.

I’m sorry you want answers I don’t have. I told you this in a fb message, yet you didn’t stop. Stop requesting to come to holidays. I’m not your family.

From the other side. We owe you nothing.

Ugh...looks like the family you came from were all prizes, like you ( ), so, she is lucky. Pretty sure it was worth it to know that. Pretty sure.[/quote

Blame my awful father. My life has not been easy, and I’m left to take care of my mother without help. I really don’t need someone upsetting my ill mom who mentally doesn’t understand.

Don’t show up at my house and talk to my 6 year old DS.

If we tell you to stop please respect it.

Many of us are the lone caretakers - I am of my MIL. Big deal. Maybe this person if its true can be of help if that is her mother too.

[Anonymous]

Wow so many harsh responses in this thread! Adult adoptee here, both birth parents deceased. Found that out via ancestry.com DNA test like OP. I did not contact any people that came up as close relatives and open the secret. 1/2 sibling contacted me first, she broke the news to the rest of them. I am significantly younger, they all suspected the father was cheating with a coworker. I am taking their lead, some want contact, others don't. Live far away, I am looking for nothing from them and which is probably why this is all progressing smoothly.

Prior to this I had read many articles regarding right to original birth certificate being a basic human right. I happen to agree with this. No one should be able to tell someone they can't have a document that is their own.


Thankful I don't come from a crazy bunch like the PP who sounds like she has some bad genes. That adoptee should run and run far.

[Anonymous]

I think it all comes down to respect. Respect others wishes. If the family has said they don’t want to be contacted then you should respect that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow so many harsh responses in this thread! Adult adoptee here, both birth parents deceased. Found that out via ancestry.com DNA test like OP. I did not contact any people that came up as close relatives and open the secret. 1/2 sibling contacted me first, she broke the news to the rest of them. I am significantly younger, they all suspected the father was cheating with a coworker. I am taking their lead, some want contact, others don't. Live far away, I am looking for nothing from them and which is probably why this is all progressing smoothly.

Prior to this I had read many articles regarding right to original birth certificate being a basic human right. I happen to agree with this. No one should be able to tell someone they can't have a document that is their own.


Thankful I don't come from a crazy bunch like the PP who sounds like she has some bad genes. That adoptee should run and run far.

Amen to this which is why other countries have the laws that they do.