An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

No, OP was describing a specific scenario where babies are in big-kid areas. That's different from saying that kids with SN should stay home. Obviously.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Um, did you see the part in OP's original post where she says people shouldn't be bringing their little kids into the regular pool?

BABIES BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it means OP's kid has to moderate his behavior appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Do you only have one kid, OP? Do you know how many people have kids of different ages? As soon as you can figure out how to split people into two so that they can watch their 2.5 year old in the baby pool and their 4 year old in the big pool at the same time, please let us all know.

I have three kids. So yeah I do get it. But I'm extra careful to follow the rules because see this thread.

I'm extra careful to follow rules, too. So the baby pool at our club says it's for 6 and under only. So I won't let my kids go in there when they're over. Our big pool, however, doesn't have an age limit on either end. So babies are allowed in there. So that is following the rules. Sorry that upsets you, but obviously a lot does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't understand why you would not apologize to another adult if your child spat at them. You don't owe them any explanation of his medical history, a simple "sorry" would do the trick. Then move on.

Dude obviously I do this. You're being deliberately obtuse.

I say sorry. I avoid crowded parks. I follow him. I help him facilitate social situations. We do thousands of hours of therapy. But the kid looks normal and is of normal intelligence and has normal speech. So people have zero tolerance of him doing odd things. I mentioned spitting. Others are pouring out water or making odd noises. Honestly things that don't affect people. I'm sorry if blowing rasbwperroes is offensive but we have enough fish to fry that I may not be making the huge deal do it you think I should be. I'm not asking for special accommodations. I'm asking for tolerance. Also if I tell you he has autism I'm not asking for an excuse. Unless he hurt your or did something really wrong, I don't need one. It's an explanation.

This entire thereaf just hits home how deep the refusal to be understanding truly is. You all deliberately misconstrued what I was saying to tell me about how you didn't have to. And special accommodations or how I was failing at parenting. Not it at all. People refuse to make reasonable choices on tolerance. If it was a kid with an obvious disability you'd all be falling. Over yourselves to demonstrate understanding. So ridiculous.

OP, are you really so blind that you don't see what is happening? You post something and MANY MANY people react negatively to you. But instead of considering that perhaps YOU are the one with an issue, you assume that it is EVERYONE ELSE. I do feel sorry for you (and don't tell me to save my sorry, you obviously need it), and I hope you feel better some day, because you obviously have a lot of issues.

No, OP is right. "Everyone else" does represent the majority opinion here; but that doesn't stop "everyone else" from being wrong. You won't truly understand until you have your own child with behavioral issues. Other parents ("everyone else") sometime act like the only thing that would satisfy their sense of justice or propriety is for you to either spank your child in their presence, or, probably better, just disappear from the public altogether. OP's true mistake is not internalizing that "everyone else" actually suck.

I feel sorry for you, too. You and OP would apparently rather live in a world where you assume that everyone else sucks instead of realizing that most people don't. But your world view is not my problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Absolutely they do, just don't get upset when people don't want to be around you because you kid hits and spits and don't get upset when another kid smacks or hits your kid back and the parent does nothing. Your kid isn't the only one with feelings. Special needs does not mean license to dowhatever the fuck they want and nobody can get annoyed.

I said at least ten times - my kid doesn't hit. He's not aggressive. He's annoying to others. I do not want to be around other parents who are jerks so I assure you it's no skin off my nose.

All I asked for was for people to pause and let a parent deal with behavior that looks odd when the parent is right there. And maybe some tolerance. and I stand by the babies in spaces for preschoolers. I could nor care less if the majority of very agitated posters disagree with me. That's usually the case on here when something re behavior comes up. Being aggressive and outraged doesn't make you right.

[Anonymous]

Growling and spitting is aggressive behavior, op.

[Anonymous]

^^ and it doesn't make you right either, OP.

Obviously all the other people interacting with you in real life and on this board are crazy, and you are the only one who is right.

[Anonymous]

You want people to be empathetic and understang towards you, but you don't seem capable of showing the same empathy to others.

You write about your son being scared of big reactions, which is fair, but you seem not to care or minimize how his behavior impacts others especially other kids.

You don't seem to care that having a toy snatched away can be upsetting.
You don't seem to care having a kid spit in your face or growl, or hit you is scary to another kid.

Your thought is well they don't have autism so they just have to get over it it's not a big deal which brings me to this.

You are asking for people not to assume your son knows better just because he looks "normal" , well the same goes for you, you don't get to assume and decide for other people just because their kid looks a certain way. Maybe the only way the only way they can get their kid out the door and to the park is with a bunch of toys.
Maybe the only way their little one can tolerate and enjoy the water is in a float.

Empathy is a two way, street OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Of course they do, as long as they behave in a reasonable way, which OP is saying he cannot.

[Anonymous]

Wait op here. I'm sorry, you all feel sorry for me because I think you should stop being so aggressive and judgement in telling children off in public spaces when a parent is already monitoring them? You are all having an imaginary disagreement. I said I don't let my son spit on anyone and we leave. I said I make him take turns and wait. I said I faculae his interactions. I don't let him grab toys and I literally never said I did. I never said he hits or is aggressive and he is not. what exactly do you think I am letting him do or am advocating that he should be permitted to do? If I came in here and said my kid with autism should be allowed to hit or what have you, okay, that's one argument.

I'm specifically asking you to stop yelling at my child when I'm standing there and stop being outraged at him and me when he does something you deem unacceptable.

[Anonymous]

It's very hard to figure out exactly what you're asking, OP. As someone said upthread, work on your communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Absolutely they do, just don't get upset when people don't want to be around you because you kid hits and spits and don't get upset when another kid smacks or hits your kid back and the parent does nothing. Your kid isn't the only one with feelings. Special needs does not mean license to dowhatever the fuck they want and nobody can get annoyed.

I said at least ten times - my kid doesn't hit. He's not aggressive. He's annoying to others. I do not want to be around other parents who are jerks so I assure you it's no skin off my nose.

All I asked for was for people to pause and let a parent deal with behavior that looks odd when the parent is right there. And maybe some tolerance. and I stand by the babies in spaces for preschoolers. I could nor care less if the majority of very agitated posters disagree with me. That's usually the case on here when something re behavior comes up. Being aggressive and outraged doesn't make you right.

(1) Spitting is an incredibly aggressive behavior.
(2) Did you write this to yourself? Because it's advice you ought to take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait op here. I'm sorry, you all feel sorry for me because I think you should stop being so aggressive and judgement in telling children off in public spaces when a parent is already monitoring them? You are all having an imaginary disagreement. I said I don't let my son spit on anyone and we leave. I said I make him take turns and wait. I said I faculae his interactions. I don't let him grab toys and I literally never said I did. I never said he hits or is aggressive and he is not. what exactly do you think I am letting him do or am advocating that he should be permitted to do? If I came in here and said my kid with autism should be allowed to hit or what have you, okay, that's one argument.

I'm specifically asking you to stop yelling at my child when I'm standing there and stop being outraged at him and me when he does something you deem unacceptable.

I have rarely or never seen an adult in public become irate with a child. Once when I was about 9 a kid on a bike *ran me over* when I was in a parade. It was unintentional. My dad did not become irate with the kid who RAN ME OVER.

I can't even imagine what your child is actually doing that is causing you to have multiple interactions with "irate" people. Something is not adding up here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This is wild. So I have anger issues, my kid is much more severely autistic than I think, we shouldn't leave the house, I'm doing it all wrong and need therapy. This is why this is all so hard. It's not my kid and his different way of learning and being that is the real struggle it's knowing that he will have to face people like you his whole life. And I wasn't seeking your advice or your insults. I really don't care. I have been very successful and I personally and a huge rule follower and major people pleaser which has been a struggle to manage. But I do think those of you who are the most intolerant get some perspective. You may need to ask for it someday.

And yes parents of kids with special needs still say normal, btw. It's allowed. We do understand that some of our kids behaviors are abnormal and I'm not going to debate word choices.

OP, I get what you're are saying, totally. The general parent board is not welcoming to SN kids and their parents, as you can see. It's so telling that people think you shouldn't even leave the house. It's the worst advice, because a child who never gets out never learns to function.

Meanwhile, the typical kids are spitting, hitting, kicking, etc. and no one bats an eye.

I also think you are so right about challenges coming down the road for these higher-than-mighty, not my problem parents.

I am a parent of a SN child and I don't care if the child has SN or not, but we avoid any kids hitting, kicking, grabbing, pushing and especially spitting (no one wants to deal with your saliva). We worked very hard for several years on behavior and that included limiting where we went so child would not be overstimulated till they could function better and understand the rules and how to behave in public. Excusing behavior due to SN is only hurting your child and others. If your kid hits another kid, don't be mad when that kid hits yours back. If your kid spits at mine, why shouldn't mine do it back (he wouldn't but that's not the point).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait op here. I'm sorry, you all feel sorry for me because I think you should stop being so aggressive and judgement in telling children off in public spaces when a parent is already monitoring them? You are all having an imaginary disagreement. I said I don't let my son spit on anyone and we leave. I said I make him take turns and wait. I said I faculae his interactions. I don't let him grab toys and I literally never said I did. I never said he hits or is aggressive and he is not. what exactly do you think I am letting him do or am advocating that he should be permitted to do? If I came in here and said my kid with autism should be allowed to hit or what have you, okay, that's one argument.

I'm specifically asking you to stop yelling at my child when I'm standing there and stop being outraged at him and me when he does something you deem unacceptable.

You are talking yourself into circles. Why don't you make clear then what he does that people deem unacceptable if it's not any of the above? As others have said, I find it very odd that you think that we all have reading comprehension issues yet you have been entirely clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait op here. I'm sorry, you all feel sorry for me because I think you should stop being so aggressive and judgement in telling children off in public spaces when a parent is already monitoring them? You are all having an imaginary disagreement. I said I don't let my son spit on anyone and we leave. I said I make him take turns and wait. I said I faculae his interactions. I don't let him grab toys and I literally never said I did. I never said he hits or is aggressive and he is not. what exactly do you think I am letting him do or am advocating that he should be permitted to do? If I came in here and said my kid with autism should be allowed to hit or what have you, okay, that's one argument.

I'm specifically asking you to stop yelling at my child when I'm standing there and stop being outraged at him and me when he does something you deem unacceptable.

OP, it's pretty rare in general that parents yell at other people's kids. It sounds like it happens all the time to you, and so maybe you should realize that it's much more likely to be a problem with you rather than a problem with all of them.