An explanation and request from a mom of a kid with autism

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.

It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

Ah, I knew this poster would show up eventually. Yes, all SN kids should be kept indoors and away from the public ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not putting my kid in a floatie because there are other kids with autism out there. That's insane.

Ohhh, I thought OP meant to NOT let your kid bring their floats into the kiddie area or NOT show up with lots of toys and get mad when her kid wants to appropriate them.

Either way, what OP is requesting is just not something parents are going to do. At least not in my experience with most parents around here.

I took it as "Too bad that you need to put your baby in a floaty thing because your older child is too big to be in baby pool and you can't let older DC be in the big pool alone. The floaty thing overexcited my kid and then people might stare. When people stares, it ruins the entire outing for me. Even if they are staring because my kid is spitting on their baby. How dare they react at all to any behavior by a kid with SN even though they have no reason to know my son has SN and I don't correct him because I have bigger fish to fry like my feelings being hurt because I can't control everyone else behavior."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

This. Thank you. (Leaving aside the fact that OP never said her kid is literally spitting at other kids - he's blowing raspberries.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Yes, SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES but may face negative consequences if they do not follow behavioral norms. If the negative attention encourages the negative behavior, that doesn't really help anyone, does it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All this thread has done is make OP look bad. I know most parents of kids with SN aren't like this because of personal experiences (my own family and my career), but I'm fearful someone else will read her post and think this is the majority opinion.

How exactly? Do explain. This is op. I'm very invited over in the sn community. I see kids treated like this all the time. It's h
Why I send my kid to special needs school and avoid many situations. I certainly have not failed my child. I've advocated for him and gotten him the best help possible.

So suggesting that other parents could not glare at my child when he does unexpected and odd things - I've mentioned blowing raspberries, pouring out water, growling, odd movements - oh and also not bringing babies into the areas clearly marked for preschoolers - I an making us all look bad.

Do you think maybe there is some massive projection there?

I never ever said we don't take my kid home when he misbehaves. Adult. I never said we don't do therapy or seek professional help - believe me, we do. Others can't afford all the help we have however and they have it worse.

People want to be able to think negatively of parents with kids with. What looks like bad behavior, not all kids with special needs have what looks like bad behavior although many do, and these people will not be told they are wrong. That's the upshot of the thread in a nutshell.

You did. You said that sometimes, you don't correct him when his misbehaves because you have other fish to fry. If you don't correct him, it's a pretty safe assumption that you don't take him home. Your definition of misbehaves is, for good reason, different than parents of other kids. But when your kid behaves in a way that most parents of neurotypical kids would view as misbehaving, and you don't correct him (and presumably, don't bring him home), people are going to glare at him, and it's hard to be sympathetic when you get in a snit about it. (Important caveat - there is a significant distinction between just doing something odd and directing behavior at someone else. Anyone who gives you grief because your kid makes an odd movement, or just randomly blows a raspberry is a jerk. But if he blows the raspberry at someone, or growls at someone, people are likely to expect some correction, and react when they don't get it.)

Yeah, no. I know it's tough for you to believe, but there are many parents who don't think it's their mission in life to police the playground for parenting mistakes or bad behavior -- whether that stem from special needs, poor discipline, or just a jerky kid. Not everyone is a busy body. A kid acts like a jerk, I move on. I don't judge and I don't see it as my role to correct another kid. I might sometimes intervene to help kids find a solution and of course to stop physical altercations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Absolutely they do, just don't get upset when people don't want to be around you because you kid hits and spits and don't get upset when another kid smacks or hits your kid back and the parent does nothing. Your kid isn't the only one with feelings. Special needs does not mean license to dowhatever the fuck they want and nobody can get annoyed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Yes, SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES but may face negative consequences if they do not follow behavioral norms. If the negative attention encourages the negative behavior, that doesn't really help anyone, does it?

Well now, you're kind of demonstrating OP's entire point: please stop for a beat and ask whether you really need to inflict "negative consequences" on a child you don't even know, when you perceive them as acting out of the norm. If you operate from the assumption that all kids are learning to do better (instead of "my kid is good and so is my parenting! your kid is bad, and so is your parenting!") then you might just be a positive influence on the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not putting my kid in a floatie because there are other kids with autism out there. That's insane.

Ohhh, I thought OP meant to NOT let your kid bring their floats into the kiddie area or NOT show up with lots of toys and get mad when her kid wants to appropriate them.

Either way, what OP is requesting is just not something parents are going to do. At least not in my experience with most parents around here.

Ok I now see I may have misread this part too. I'm now confused about what OP meant re: the pool float.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

This. Thank you. (Leaving aside the fact that OP never said her kid is literally spitting at other kids - he's blowing raspberries.)

She specifically listed spitting in a list of behaviors other parents should leave her to handle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.

It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

Oh no. PP here who has disagreed with OP multiple times in this thread, but I cannot hold with this.

"have your child inflicted on them" --are you effing kidding me?? How dare you talk about a child this way. A mother's child. Can you IMAGINE if someone spoke about your child in this way? This is heartless.

"It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not" --yeah well, it's hard for kids to understand lots of things, that's why we teach them. Every household has different rules and expectations, SN or not.

"you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name" Are you incapable of separating an individual from a group? You would judge all parents of kids with autism just based on one frustrated mother's post?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't understand why you would not apologize to another adult if your child spat at them. You don't owe them any explanation of his medical history, a simple "sorry" would do the trick. Then move on.

Dude obviously I do this. You're being deliberately obtuse.

I say sorry. I avoid crowded parks. I follow him. I help him facilitate social situations. We do thousands of hours of therapy. But the kid looks normal and is of normal intelligence and has normal speech. So people have zero tolerance of him doing odd things. I mentioned spitting. Others are pouring out water or making odd noises. Honestly things that don't affect people. I'm sorry if blowing rasbwperroes is offensive but we have enough fish to fry that I may not be making the huge deal do it you think I should be. I'm not asking for special accommodations. I'm asking for tolerance. Also if I tell you he has autism I'm not asking for an excuse. Unless he hurt your or did something really wrong, I don't need one. It's an explanation.

This entire thereaf just hits home how deep the refusal to be understanding truly is. You all deliberately misconstrued what I was saying to tell me about how you didn't have to. And special accommodations or how I was failing at parenting. Not it at all. People refuse to make reasonable choices on tolerance. If it was a kid with an obvious disability you'd all be falling. Over yourselves to demonstrate understanding. So ridiculous.

OP, are you really so blind that you don't see what is happening? You post something and MANY MANY people react negatively to you. But instead of considering that perhaps YOU are the one with an issue, you assume that it is EVERYONE ELSE. I do feel sorry for you (and don't tell me to save my sorry, you obviously need it), and I hope you feel better some day, because you obviously have a lot of issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good god, op here. Your willful insistence on completely refusing to comprehend what I actually said is amazing. I did it ask for special accommodations. I asked that you keep your babies out of playgrounds marked 3-5 and out of the big kid pool arear for 3-5 when there are baby parks and baby playgrounds. You hover over your kids creating a huge logistical block for those of us with kids with special needs who need to closely monitor. You also hugely react if my child say blows a raspberry in your direction. That's not hurrying anyone. It's annoying. Maybe it warrants a telling him off but you frankly can't tell off a child with autism for every odd behavior. So parents telling me, your child just spit at me, etc. these are the issues I'm talking about. My kid isn't aggressive he is odd and it confuses parents more than children.

If you have a hard time believing that my child hasn't been yelled at numerous times for things like making faces at babies, growling at them, spitting, not waiting a turn even when I'm there to hold him back, you don't live in my world and Rabat my point.

As for the other kids with autism being similar I didn't say all but seeking reactions is indeed fairly common.

Do you only have one kid, OP? Do you know how many people have kids of different ages? As soon as you can figure out how to split people into two so that they can watch their 2.5 year old in the baby pool and their 4 year old in the big pool at the same time, please let us all know.

I have three kids. So yeah I do get it. But I'm extra careful to follow the rules because see this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your child, with SN or not, is spitting at a playground (at all, really, let alone at/towards other kids or adults), or pushing in front of people when it's clearly not his turn, then he simply is not ready to be playing in a public area.

Keep going with whatever therapy you're doing, but you're not yet at the point where your child can maintain a basic level of consideration for other people and so he just isn't ready for a playground. I'm sorry.

Maybe you'll get there with your son. Maybe you won't. I don't know. But I do know that everyone else should not need to have your child inflicted on them when they dare to venture out to the local park to play.

And yes, your child is hurting people. Because when you spit on people, you can make them sick. It's considered legal assault for a reason. Not to mention that it's totally disgusting and when your kid is spitting, and there's an adult right there who isn't punishing the kid, and you don't even offer an explanation because "you don't need to", then you're making other parents' jobs way harder when they are trying to keep their children behaving in a socially acceptable way. It's hard for kids to understand why they get punished for something and other kids do not. And pushing in when other kids are playing nicely, ESPECIALLY when there are "babies" around (who may or may not be playing on equipment that was designed for their age group) can also be incredibly dangerous and lead to serious injury.



It sounds like you need a break, and you should do that. But don't whinge that everyone should just put up with your kid and not say anything about it. Right now, you're giving parents of kids with autism a bad name.

You don't get to make that call. SPECIAL NEEDS KIDS BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it makes you uncomfortable.

Um, did you see the part in OP's original post where she says people shouldn't be bringing their little kids into the regular pool?

BABIES BELONG IN PUBLIC SPACES even if it means OP's kid has to moderate his behavior appropriately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't understand why you would not apologize to another adult if your child spat at them. You don't owe them any explanation of his medical history, a simple "sorry" would do the trick. Then move on.

Dude obviously I do this. You're being deliberately obtuse.

I say sorry. I avoid crowded parks. I follow him. I help him facilitate social situations. We do thousands of hours of therapy. But the kid looks normal and is of normal intelligence and has normal speech. So people have zero tolerance of him doing odd things. I mentioned spitting. Others are pouring out water or making odd noises. Honestly things that don't affect people. I'm sorry if blowing rasbwperroes is offensive but we have enough fish to fry that I may not be making the huge deal do it you think I should be. I'm not asking for special accommodations. I'm asking for tolerance. Also if I tell you he has autism I'm not asking for an excuse. Unless he hurt your or did something really wrong, I don't need one. It's an explanation.

This entire thereaf just hits home how deep the refusal to be understanding truly is. You all deliberately misconstrued what I was saying to tell me about how you didn't have to. And special accommodations or how I was failing at parenting. Not it at all. People refuse to make reasonable choices on tolerance. If it was a kid with an obvious disability you'd all be falling. Over yourselves to demonstrate understanding. So ridiculous.

OP, are you really so blind that you don't see what is happening? You post something and MANY MANY people react negatively to you. But instead of considering that perhaps YOU are the one with an issue, you assume that it is EVERYONE ELSE. I do feel sorry for you (and don't tell me to save my sorry, you obviously need it), and I hope you feel better some day, because you obviously have a lot of issues.

No, OP is right. "Everyone else" does represent the majority opinion here; but that doesn't stop "everyone else" from being wrong. You won't truly understand until you have your own child with behavioral issues. Other parents ("everyone else") sometime act like the only thing that would satisfy their sense of justice or propriety is for you to either spank your child in their presence, or, probably better, just disappear from the public altogether. OP's true mistake is not internalizing that "everyone else" actually suck.