I caught her on a date with another guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they haven't had the exclusive talk, but they are having sex and meeting each other's friends and families.
And this woman wasn't just on a date, she was cuddling with this other guy in a booth. If I'm on a date and we haven't fooled around yet or are pretty newly dating, I'm not going to be next to him, cuddled up during the meal. So she's juggling the two guys.

It's understandable that OP thought they he and his GF were more serious than they actually were. He truly felt the relationship was developing into something special. It's nobody's fault.

I understand why you're hurt, OP. And I hope you guys can communicate about what you need and work it out.

I think she just isn't into you that much, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP please don't listen to the Men's rights jerks on this thread - if you actually like this girl.
Don't ASSUME. Talk to her. Tell her what you want. Get what you want or walk away. But not to even try to talk about it? That is cowardly.

OP don't this to this man hater. She is a jerk. Protect yourself.

[Anonymous]

Op look at this thread
http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/542298.page
No one is saying the woman should talk and a work it out. Move on.

[Anonymous]

She may have been afraid to put all her eggs in one basket. Part of it could be a fear that she'd appear needy or driving the relationship. You think highly of her and she has demonstrated her affection for you quite clearly. How many women have been on this forum eagerly awaiting word from their partner about the next step? You can see these posts just dripping with anxiety, OP. Try to keep this perspective in mind when you see her again.

She was not wrong. She was playing it safe. It would have been terribly wrong if you guys were in a committed relationship. Now's your chance! You would most certainly be in the wrong to shame her---not that I think that's your intention.

You're wounded. Heal yourself by talking to her and asking for what you want. It could be the beginning of everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She may have been afraid to put all her eggs in one basket. Part of it could be a fear that she'd appear needy or driving the relationship. You think highly of her and she has demonstrated her affection for you quite clearly. How many women have been on this forum eagerly awaiting word from their partner about the next step? You can see these posts just dripping with anxiety, OP. Try to keep this perspective in mind when you see her again.

She was not wrong. She was playing it safe. It would have been terribly wrong if you guys were in a committed relationship. Now's your chance! You would most certainly be in the wrong to shame her---not that I think that's your intention.

You're wounded. Heal yourself by talking to her and asking for what you want. It could be the beginning of everything.

Sure, but she met his parents. That's pretty much a sign of exclusivity.

OP, have you talked to her yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
She may have been afraid to put all her eggs in one basket. Part of it could be a fear that she'd appear needy or driving the relationship. You think highly of her and she has demonstrated her affection for you quite clearly. How many women have been on this forum eagerly awaiting word from their partner about the next step? You can see these posts just dripping with anxiety, OP. Try to keep this perspective in mind when you see her again.

She was not wrong. She was playing it safe. It would have been terribly wrong if you guys were in a committed relationship. Now's your chance! You would most certainly be in the wrong to shame her---not that I think that's your intention.

You're wounded. Heal yourself by talking to her and asking for what you want. It could be the beginning of everything.

I would move on, OP. Her loss.
She is a player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Maybe it's an age thing. I am 34 and she is 27. Most nowadays don't have the exclusivity talk. It just progress and it's like an unspoken silence that we don't want to see others. I guess I thought that was what was happening here. We see each other 2-3 times week. I have had 14 dates with her in 2.5 months ( yes I kept count!). She has met my family and I have met hers. We have double dated with friends and everything. I was pretty confident we were exclusive. Seeing her with another man tore me up. I guess maybe she doesn't realize we are exclusive, or she doesn't feel the same as I do. I plan to call her tomorrow night.

Not true! Most women I know have been strung along too many times by guys who don't want to be exclusive. Until we have an actual talk about it, we assume you're dating other people (or at least are open to it). If you want to be exclusive, you need to talk about it. Chances are, she isn't sleeping with other people, but she's exploring some options. I have one friend who thinks she's in an exclusive relationship as soon as she's slept with a guy. She gets burned over and over, and everyone keeps telling her she should stop assuming exclusivity until the talk has been had.

+1

This is how many, many men are - you can meet anyone you want, but until you talk about it, assumptions are just that.


Change your attitude - you didn't "catch" her doing anything. Man up and have the talk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i've been the girl before. I date multiple men at the same time when there's no exclusivity. I've run into guys I'm dating while on dates with others, and the guy makes it so needlessly awkward. I don't sleep with anyone until there's exclusivity but they have crushed expressions all the same. Communicate to actualize your desires people!

I hope you girls remember this when you see your guy out on a date with another woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
She may have been afraid to put all her eggs in one basket. Part of it could be a fear that she'd appear needy or driving the relationship. You think highly of her and she has demonstrated her affection for you quite clearly. How many women have been on this forum eagerly awaiting word from their partner about the next step? You can see these posts just dripping with anxiety, OP. Try to keep this perspective in mind when you see her again.

She was not wrong. She was playing it safe. It would have been terribly wrong if you guys were in a committed relationship. Now's your chance! You would most certainly be in the wrong to shame her---not that I think that's your intention.

You're wounded. Heal yourself by talking to her and asking for what you want. It could be the beginning of everything.

I would move on, OP. Her loss.
She is a player.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

1. I called her and we are going to dinner tomorrow night. She said she wants to speak then.
2. It was definitely a date. She was cuddled up in booth with him.
3. I wrote that I stopped seeing anyone a week after I met her.

Kudos for calling. Who suggested dinner? Good luck. Please update if you feel so inclined.

My guess is she suggested dinner. She knows it might be the last free food she gets from him. especially if she plans to dump him in public for the other guy.

[Anonymous]

I just don't think the two of you are really into each other.

14 dates over three months? By three months, my now-DH and I were spending all weekends together and seeing each other at least evening during the week. I cannot imagine that either of you would seem so lukewarm about each other if this relationship really has potential.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So this happened Saturday and you haven't reached out to her since? And she reached it to you but you ignored her? She's probably getting increasingly annoyed at this point. If you hope to actually keep dating her, exclusively this time, you should reach out to her asap and just say that you'd really love to see her and talk tonight. Get a move on. Maybe cozy booth guy is starting to look better.

She is probably panicking, not getting annoyed. Let her stew in it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's like the poster on the first page who said she doesn't like dating multiple men but she'll date multiple men until an exclusivity talk happens. If you don't like dating multiple men why the hell are dating multiple men?

Because women like having their cake and eating it too.

Because I am in my thirties and don't want to waste time with someone who is just stringing me along.

I don't have sex casually, I don't have sex with a guy until we are exclusive. So I would not have wound up in this situation. But I've been screwed over enough times to know that you cannot assume exclusivity. If you do not want to sleep with someone who is sleeping with others, have that discussion before you sleep with someone. Agree to be exclusive before you have sex.

Interestingly, when I've expressed this on other threads, people have told me I was ridiculous and unrealistic for wanting someone to be exclusive with me if we were having sex.

#1
Smart girl, so many dumb ones that get used and abused. I did the same thing, never had sex unless it was a "relationship' going somewhere. Happily married many years now.

[Anonymous]

Please update us after your dinner, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you be angry if (1) you don't know anything about the circumstances and (2) you never told her you wanted to be exclusive? What if this was a cousin, a friend, a contact from work?

It was definitely work. She was cuddled up next to him I'm a booth.


She doesn't sleep around. She's not that type of woman and I won let you insinuate that she is.

Dude how do you know that she isnt that type?you didnt even expect her to be on dates with other men until you caught her in the act.like one poster said get out while you can man.most women in this day and age are trouble