Was my friend dating a sociopath?

[Anonymous]

This past weekend, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her with not 1 but 6+ girls. They are in their mid twenties. She is so devastated she can't get out of bed. Apparently he was a habitual cheater and has slept with, told "I love you" to, and been in simultaneous relationships with many girls during their entire relationship.

[Anonymous]

It's awful, but there's a blessing that she is young and they weren't married and had no kids. She's going to need to grieve for the relationship and it will take time. You may want to suggest she see a therapist for a bit to support her through this.

[Anonymous]

probably a classic narcissict and needed to feed his ego. she's so much better off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This past weekend, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her with not 1 but 6+ girls. They are in their mid twenties. She is so devastated she can't get out of bed. Apparently he was a habitual cheater and has slept with, told "I love you" to, and been in simultaneous relationships with many girls during their entire relationship.

I knew a woman who dated a guy for years, was engaged to him, opened up a business with him, and one day several years into their relationship the FBI shows up at their storefront to cart him awat. He was wanted in several states for white collar crimes and had several aliases. Let your friend know these people are EXPERTS OF DECEPTION. She did nothing wrong. She didnt deserve this. It happens. She should get STD tested pronto. She should see a counselor right away. She was a victim of expert deception and it can happen to anyone.

I have a friend, a man, whose family was befriended over a period of years by an alleged serbian couple with a child, with a sob story of escape and all that stuff. They were just friends, asked for nothing, had dinner with him and his family, etc. Friends. Gained their trust. Then proposed an investment (he was a part time investor) it all checked out, he invested 25,000, as did some friends. WHen the check cleared the couple was gone without a trace.

Your friend was most certainly dating a form of sociopath, a ruthless con artist. THere was a case about this in tv, a man who wood a bunch ofwomen like this,they all got wind of each other, got together and sued his ass for all the money they gave him and that he cheated them out of in various ways.

Your friend needs to know she is not alone and she was a straight up victim of a con artist. Big hug to her and hope she gets help to deal with what must be feelings of being hit by a truck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This past weekend, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her with not 1 but 6+ girls. They are in their mid twenties. She is so devastated she can't get out of bed. Apparently he was a habitual cheater and has slept with, told "I love you" to, and been in simultaneous relationships with many girls during their entire relationship.

Did she have a conversation about being exclusive with him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This past weekend, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her with not 1 but 6+ girls. They are in their mid twenties. She is so devastated she can't get out of bed. Apparently he was a habitual cheater and has slept with, told "I love you" to, and been in simultaneous relationships with many girls during their entire relationship.

BTDT. Could be sociopath, could be narcissist, could be bipolar mania. But, does it really matter? There's a drive to make sense of this kind of thing when it happens, and that's understandable, but in some ways it's a waste of energy. Who cares what made the cheater do it? Don't waste time trying to understand him, just get away from him. Get your friend out of bed. Keep telling her the person she fell in love with was a fake construct of her boyfriend and probably there was no way to know that. Encourage her to view the glass half full -- she dodged a bullet, and is now free to break things off without any further contact or any guilt or remorse. It has nothing to do with her desirability or whether or not he loved her or the strength in their relationship or relationship problems. Cheating is solely a flaw within the cheater.

Keep repeating these answers to your friend. Let her talk about it with you. But, also try not to let her wallow and re-direct her to other activities -- new sport, more time on a special interest, goals she can accomplish (travel, career, etc.) Maybe encourage a dating moratorium and a focus on self for 6 months or so, so that the next round of dating and relationships isn't influenced by this fiasco.

[Anonymous]

Not now, but at some point later, you should sit her down and ask her if she saw any signs that she ignored. At some point, she'll want to examine whether she willfully blinded herself to something, in case she has some pattern that could hurt her in the future.

I wouldn't do it just yet. For now, keep the message of "that sucks, you are so much better off without him, at least you weren't married with kids and property together", etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This past weekend, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her with not 1 but 6+ girls. They are in their mid twenties. She is so devastated she can't get out of bed. Apparently he was a habitual cheater and has slept with, told "I love you" to, and been in simultaneous relationships with many girls during their entire relationship.

What is his big appeal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This past weekend, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her with not 1 but 6+ girls. They are in their mid twenties. She is so devastated she can't get out of bed. Apparently he was a habitual cheater and has slept with, told "I love you" to, and been in simultaneous relationships with many girls during their entire relationship.

Be happy she caught him before she got a deadly disease. What he is doing is so risky. We had a client that died of hpv throat cancer. Yep slept around which is dangerous today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This past weekend, my friend found out that her boyfriend of 2 years was cheating on her with not 1 but 6+ girls. They are in their mid twenties. She is so devastated she can't get out of bed. Apparently he was a habitual cheater and has slept with, told "I love you" to, and been in simultaneous relationships with many girls during their entire relationship.

Be happy she caught him before she got a deadly disease. What he is doing is so risky. We had a client that died of hpv throat cancer. Yep slept around which is dangerous today.

Just FYI, you do not need to "sleep around" to contract HPV. Many, many adults are asymptomatic carriers. Perhaps you or your spouse. If you die of HPV related cancer, should we just call you a slut?

[Anonymous]

Also...btw she was not using protection with him since she is infertile...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's awful, but there's a blessing that she is young and they weren't married and had no kids. She's going to need to grieve for the relationship and it will take time. You may want to suggest she see a therapist for a bit to support her through this.

And a gyn for STD checks.

[Anonymous]

Women love assholes. Obviously there were many signs he was no good but she ignored them because she never thought she would feel the sting. If she tells you otherwise she's a liar.

The Serbian com artists were offering something too good to be true. How is it possible to think that Serbian refugees would have magical investing powers?

Con artists rely on the greed of other people to basically con themselves. People love to believe in bullshit so they get conned by bullshit artists. Op your friend is also a bullshit artist and is conning you. She knew what she was dealing with.