3.5 and 4 year olds not potty trained...how did that happen?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. My delayed kid doesn't get it. But thanks for judging me and making me feel bad!

Multiple posters have said that SN kids are the exception. No one judges (or should) you or your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My question is where are all these preschools who are ALSO willing to change diapers until kids are 4? Every school I ever looked at for my kids wanted them potty trained before they started. It that meant getting my 2.5 year old ready because the school prioritized kids who could start before their 3rd birthday, then that's what we did.

You're amazing. Job well done. Every school I've ever looked at works with the child at their own pace.

Nonsense!!!! Name them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

I never said anything about the teacher wanting her to do it. (The school sent the letter to us, not DD). We just told her that she cannot go to school unless she learns how to use the potty. DD weighed the pros and cons of both options and decided on what she wanted to do. I had/have no problem with this. Do you honestly think you are a better parent because your kid was potty trained earlier? Just think about it and you will see how ridiculous this sounds. (As I mentioned, my older child was potty trained at 1.5yo and I never thought it reflected on me - one way or another)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

I never said anything about the teacher wanting her to do it. (The school sent the letter to us, not DD). We just told her that she cannot go to school unless she learns how to use the potty. DD weighed the pros and cons of both options and decided on what she wanted to do. I had/have no problem with this. Do you honestly think you are a better parent because your kid was potty trained earlier? Just think about it and you will see how ridiculous this sounds. (As I mentioned, my older child was potty trained at 1.5yo and I never thought it reflected on me - one way or another)

Ahhhh so you said she couldn't go to school in diapers without reference to the teacher. Sounds like it was all up to her at her own pace! I did not realize that key distinction. Seriously? No, I don't think I am a better parent, but I do think that I have a much better understanding of cause and effect than most people on this board. You could have also had that kid trained a year before if you set up a similar lack of choice for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

I never said anything about the teacher wanting her to do it. (The school sent the letter to us, not DD). We just told her that she cannot go to school unless she learns how to use the potty. DD weighed the pros and cons of both options and decided on what she wanted to do. I had/have no problem with this. Do you honestly think you are a better parent because your kid was potty trained earlier? Just think about it and you will see how ridiculous this sounds. (As I mentioned, my older child was potty trained at 1.5yo and I never thought it reflected on me - one way or another)

Ahhhh so you said she couldn't go to school in diapers without reference to the teacher. Sounds like it was all up to her at her own pace! I did not realize that key distinction. Seriously? No, I don't think I am a better parent, but I do think that I have a much better understanding of cause and effect than most people on this board. You could have also had that kid trained a year before if you set up a similar lack of choice for her.

Wow, you are so presumptuous. I can assure you that (1) i understand cause and effect better than you; and (2) i know my child better than you do.

Just to give you a sense of her personality, let me tell you that earlier today we had a long conversation about MIT (my alma mater). She asked me what it was and after I explained, she declared (very seriously) that she will go there one day. And you know what? I believe that she will do it!

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who has four kids. First three pted just fine, between ages 2 and 3. Fourth kid? Nope, nope, nope. Drove my friend nuts but she wouldn't pt until she was 4, almost 5. Just wasn't doing it. Said she would totally quit with diapers by 5, and she did.

Sometimes it isn't the parents doing things differently, it really is the kid is just different.

My favorite parenting expression - There but for the grace of God go I. Parenting successfully is mostly luck.

Your kid pted early - great. Your kid loves broccoli and asparagus, and eats casseroles even though everything is all mixed together - great! Your kid slept all night at age 2 months - gr... nevermind. (STFU about that. I don't want to hear it.)

[Anonymous]

At her third birthday my child would have shaken and cried at the suggestion she poop in the potty. A month later she is mostly doing it (with reminders). You should see the treasure trove of bribes I had for her to poop (she's been peeing with few accidents for nearly 6 months) but she had no interest and I didn't want to traumatize her. She wasn't going to college in diapers and her pediatrician and teachers said let it go at her pace. She hasn't had accidents for a few days, but is very worried about undies so we're holding off on introducing those for a few weeks until she really feels confident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At her third birthday my child would have shaken and cried at the suggestion she poop in the potty. A month later she is mostly doing it (with reminders). You should see the treasure trove of bribes I had for her to poop (she's been peeing with few accidents for nearly 6 months) but she had no interest and I didn't want to traumatize her. She wasn't going to college in diapers and her pediatrician and teachers said let it go at her pace. She hasn't had accidents for a few days, but is very worried about undies so we're holding off on introducing those for a few weeks until she really feels confident.

When did you start? I'm guess not between 18 months and 2 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

I never said anything about the teacher wanting her to do it. (The school sent the letter to us, not DD). We just told her that she cannot go to school unless she learns how to use the potty. DD weighed the pros and cons of both options and decided on what she wanted to do. I had/have no problem with this. Do you honestly think you are a better parent because your kid was potty trained earlier? Just think about it and you will see how ridiculous this sounds. (As I mentioned, my older child was potty trained at 1.5yo and I never thought it reflected on me - one way or another)

Ahhhh so you said she couldn't go to school in diapers without reference to the teacher. Sounds like it was all up to her at her own pace! I did not realize that key distinction. Seriously? No, I don't think I am a better parent, but I do think that I have a much better understanding of cause and effect than most people on this board. You could have also had that kid trained a year before if you set up a similar lack of choice for her.

Wow, you are so presumptuous. I can assure you that (1) i understand cause and effect better than you; and (2) i know my child better than you do.

Just to give you a sense of her personality, let me tell you that earlier today we had a long conversation about MIT (my alma mater). She asked me what it was and after I explained, she declared (very seriously) that she will go there one day. And you know what? I believe that she will do it!

I love that you're trying to drop MIT to show that you actually have reasoning abilities. I went to top schools too and have multiple degrees, not that that's relevant to understanding that it doesn't take 4 years to get a kid (especially a girl) to use a toilet. I don't know your kid, but I'm pretty sure her change of heart was not serendipitous, but rather related to the preschool's insistence. If you managed to get through MIT without being able to understand the relationship between those two events, great. The fact that you believe she is smart and capable enough at this point to go there is only further evidence that she could have used a bathroom much earlier, had it been presented differently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

I never said anything about the teacher wanting her to do it. (The school sent the letter to us, not DD). We just told her that she cannot go to school unless she learns how to use the potty. DD weighed the pros and cons of both options and decided on what she wanted to do. I had/have no problem with this. Do you honestly think you are a better parent because your kid was potty trained earlier? Just think about it and you will see how ridiculous this sounds. (As I mentioned, my older child was potty trained at 1.5yo and I never thought it reflected on me - one way or another)

Ahhhh so you said she couldn't go to school in diapers without reference to the teacher. Sounds like it was all up to her at her own pace! I did not realize that key distinction. Seriously? No, I don't think I am a better parent, but I do think that I have a much better understanding of cause and effect than most people on this board. You could have also had that kid trained a year before if you set up a similar lack of choice for her.

Wow, you are so presumptuous. I can assure you that (1) i understand cause and effect better than you; and (2) i know my child better than you do.

Just to give you a sense of her personality, let me tell you that earlier today we had a long conversation about MIT (my alma mater). She asked me what it was and after I explained, she declared (very seriously) that she will go there one day. And you know what? I believe that she will do it!

I love that you're trying to drop MIT to show that you actually have reasoning abilities. I went to top schools too and have multiple degrees, not that that's relevant to understanding that it doesn't take 4 years to get a kid (especially a girl) to use a toilet. I don't know your kid, but I'm pretty sure her change of heart was not serendipitous, but rather related to the preschool's insistence. If you managed to get through MIT without being able to understand the relationship between those two events, great. The fact that you believe she is smart and capable enough at this point to go there is only further evidence that she could have used a bathroom much earlier, had it been presented differently.

This is so puzzling. Why do you care at what age my DD2 was potty trained? Why does it make a difference to you or anyone else outside my family? I am pretty happy with the outcome. And I feel like I spent my time and energy on more productive things than potty training a child who doesn't want to be potty trained earlier. It's all about costs and benefits. (You see, now it's my economics PhD talking )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

So, someone put their foot down and the stubbornness magically resolved itself? Are you catching on? It's you, not her. Catch a clue, people. And, for the record, my kids' preschool did ZERO pull-ups, diapering, and absolutely required all children to be potty trained (yes, they would change clothes for accidents). Kids started at 2 years, 9 months. I never heard one person complain. This was not in DC because we had moved.

And, to reiterate, no one is talking about kids with delays that are not caused by their parents.

PP quoted above. You are missing the point. Some kids do things at their own pace and no amount of lost effort and energy would change this...By contrast, my DD1 was potty trained at 1.5yo. She is 8yo now and still has an occasional bed-wetting accident when she is under the weather (unlike DD2).

No, you are missing the point. As soon as she was told the preschool teacher wanted her to use the toilet, she did it. So, she did it at the teacher's pace, not her own. It was just the parents' pace she was not interested in because the teaching/training was somehow lacking.

I never said anything about the teacher wanting her to do it. (The school sent the letter to us, not DD). We just told her that she cannot go to school unless she learns how to use the potty. DD weighed the pros and cons of both options and decided on what she wanted to do. I had/have no problem with this. Do you honestly think you are a better parent because your kid was potty trained earlier? Just think about it and you will see how ridiculous this sounds. (As I mentioned, my older child was potty trained at 1.5yo and I never thought it reflected on me - one way or another)

Ahhhh so you said she couldn't go to school in diapers without reference to the teacher. Sounds like it was all up to her at her own pace! I did not realize that key distinction. Seriously? No, I don't think I am a better parent, but I do think that I have a much better understanding of cause and effect than most people on this board. You could have also had that kid trained a year before if you set up a similar lack of choice for her.

Wow, you are so presumptuous. I can assure you that (1) i understand cause and effect better than you; and (2) i know my child better than you do.

Just to give you a sense of her personality, let me tell you that earlier today we had a long conversation about MIT (my alma mater). She asked me what it was and after I explained, she declared (very seriously) that she will go there one day. And you know what? I believe that she will do it!

I love that you're trying to drop MIT to show that you actually have reasoning abilities. I went to top schools too and have multiple degrees, not that that's relevant to understanding that it doesn't take 4 years to get a kid (especially a girl) to use a toilet. I don't know your kid, but I'm pretty sure her change of heart was not serendipitous, but rather related to the preschool's insistence. If you managed to get through MIT without being able to understand the relationship between those two events, great. The fact that you believe she is smart and capable enough at this point to go there is only further evidence that she could have used a bathroom much earlier, had it been presented differently.

This is so puzzling. Why do you care at what age my DD2 was potty trained? Why does it make a difference to you or anyone else outside my family? I am pretty happy with the outcome. And I feel like I spent my time and energy on more productive things than potty training a child who doesn't want to be potty trained earlier. It's all about costs and benefits. (You see, now it's my economics PhD talking )

Because having a child PT at 2.9 years vs 3.3 years is truly significant. Not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD2 was one of those kids that potty trained at 3.5 years. She was just incredibly stubborn. After the first week of preschool, we got a letter from the school reminding us of their "no pull-ups" policy. So on Friday evening, we told her that she cannot go back to school until she starts using the potty. On Saturday, we overheard her talking to her panties, "No more pee pee in the panties, ok?" On Monday, she went to school in panties and was completely potty trained. The amazing part was that she stayed dry overnight as well. Not a single accident since then. (She is 4.5yo now)

Uhhh...you could've done the same thing. Told her she couldn't do something/go somewhere if she wore a diaper. Your point completely proves what this thread is about: parents just don't potty train their kids until they basically do it themselves.